Friday, November 2, 2007


UPDATE: I added some cool pictures of Gordon, so if you've already read this entry scroll down for an all new ending!

I was going to spend some more time talking about Michael Caine today, but something more important has come up. This!

Will my car trouble never end? So, I'm driving along, heading home after a hard day's work. Suddenly there's a tap-tap-tapping on my car. Very loud and startling. My first thought is that someone is banging on my window. Like maybe a witch. I quickly realize that that is illogical and think that maybe Betty is falling apart or that I have hit something. I pull over and hear an unfamiliar hissing sound. I discover a piece of metal sticking out of the tire that isn't supposed to be there. Drag.

Stuck in the Rite Aid parking lot, which is okay because I need to refill my Lunesta anyway.

Here's the thing about changing tires: I've never done it, and I don't know how. Supposedly I had to learn this in driver's ed, but I'm guessing I just faked it. I have a few friends that are good at cars, but the sin of pride got in the way and I was determined to do it myself.

Two hours later I got the spare off.

I jacked up the car and removed the flat tire. The offending shrapnel:

I pulled it out, and just kept pulling and pulling until I got this:

A socket wrench! What the hell! And it was the blunt end that pierced the tire. That is messed up.

Obstacle! The car wasn't high enough to get the spare on. I turned and turned the jack until I realized that it was as high as it could go. I called my mom, who lives nearby, to bring her jack to see if that would work.

Um, then once she got there I discovered that I was cranking the jack the wrong way. My life is a struggle.

Everything was going fine until the jack slipped and the car came crashing down. That was kind of scary. I maintain that I did indeed have the jack in the right place though. I'm not good at most things, but I can place a jack.

Finally my superstar Grandpa, Gordon, showed up. It made me so happy to see him, not just because I knew he could help but because he was so cute charging out of his van, kinda hunched over with his big puffy coat and work gloves. Sure enough he has this industrial strength jack that he jammed under the car and raised it like three feet.

It was funny cause he was like "I don't think it's on there very good. Car might fall."

Five minutes later, problem solved. I should have just called him in the first place instead of incompetently monkeying around with it myself. I showed him the socket wrench I pulled from the tire and he said "Alright, you got yourself one of those now!" That might not be as funny to you if you're not a member of my family, but see, he's legendary for finding garbage tools on the side of the road and stuff and keeping them and using them. He has a little fort/hideout in his backyard just full of rusty old wrenches.

There's this really cool picture of Gordon as a young man on his farm, and I wanted to post it here but didn't get it in time. Instead, here's a picture from a trip we took to Oregon last year. He wanted to go to the Coast Guard Museum but had to settle for this:

"If only I had $7..."

Here are some cool old pictures I found of Gordon.


  1. GORDON!!!! Man, I dig him. While I am truly sorry for your inconvenience, 3 good things came out of this experience: 1) You got yourself a 9" socket wrench. 2) You gave Gordon a chance to dazzle the hell out of his grandson, which is only like every good Grandpa's favorite thing in life. 3)Blog post.

    Next time maybe get yourself arrested and see what he can do with Gordon Power.

  2. oh man. I love Gordon! Poor Betty getting violated by that socket wrench. What's a socket wrench, by the way?

    I actually laughed aloud when I read that Gordon was happy for you that you had acquired a socket wrench - whatever that is.

  3. For God's sake, somebody get Gordon a lapdance!!! It's the least they could do for his tireless efforts to save others.

  4. WOW! look at that face! that stance! that hair! what a total badass he is, and he doesn't even have to TRY.


  5. Those old pictures of Gordon look like they could be of a hottie today.

  6. This could explain why B is such a badass hottie himself. He's got some of the Gordon in him.

  7. I wish I had a Gordon around here in Vegas. Glad the car woes have suspended. Great blog post, and I love the pictures of Gordon through the years.


  8. Hey Ashley!

    Man, the new Bloc Party song is soooo good.

  9. Gordon: 8 (make that 9 now), Michael Caine: zip!

  10. The particular Bundesliga promises plenty of action in 2010, with several teams able to competing for your prize. Germany's robust showing on the 2006 Planet Cup helped increase the league inside the eyes of several spectators, and it have become a lot more competitive because of this.