Thursday, August 28, 2008

don't worry, desmond dekker's doin' fine

Always late but worth the wait, right? This blog has dozens of pictures so maybe you want to take a minute for the page to load.

Seriously take all the time you need.

Do you any of you old school Sueditos and Suedettes remember my Travel Guide to Denver? Go read it, or read it again. It's a good time. If you refuse to read it (jerk) the point is that one time I drove to Denver through Wyoming and it sucked. Maybe I should have read the blog myself, because last week I got it into my head to do it again.

There was a good reason though. See, my idiot brother Sean lives in Denver. He's going to court reporting school. Also last Friday there was a big show at Red Rocks that me and my two bros. wanted to go to. Also the Rockies were in town, so ... game on.

The beginning of a road trip is always so exciting. You're probably awake earlier than usual, the air looks pretty, you get an absurdly large amount of snacks and breakfasts, you got your tunes going, you shout "Wooo road trip!" (but only once). Even better, Mike and I had what we both agreed was the best iced coffee ever, from the McDonald's on 45th and I-15 (fyi).

Parley's Canyon, just outside of the valley.

Wyoming actually wasn't as bad as I remember, and Mike proved to be an excellent road trip companion. I did notice that Wyoming has a severe FedEx infestation though.

Windmills too. Maybe that's why gas is cheaper there. They have so much wind power.

First stop was Green River. I just wanted to stretch my legs. It's a neat little town.

Whenever I leave Utah I'm always interested in seeing the different chains of gas stations and grocery stores and fast food eateries that exist outside of my little world. To think that somewhere out there people are filling up at the AM/PM and buying groceries at Ralph's and eating Popeyes every day. Anyway, Wyoming has some badly named gas stations.


I like this one though. Hearkens back to the golden age of 'mats.

Another stop later in the middle of nowhere, because I felt like kickin' some dirt.

I think Mike might have been tripping on 'shrooms. Maybe that would explain his ridiculous glasses.

A whole heard of kangaroos bounded into view. Those things can run fast.

The kept to one side of the road because the other side was guarded by a Critter.

Finally made landfall in Denver (actually Westminster) after about 8.5 hours. Sean took us by his school.
Proud home of the Denver Court Reporting Academy Fightin' Critters.

Red Rocks! A concert I've been waiting for for years!

Tesh was everything I hoped and more. He encored with the NBA on NBC theme song while a massive video screen showed a Charles Oakley highlight real.


Actually it was an event called Punk Rocks. The promoters hope it will become an annual event. If it does maybe I'll go again. What an epic venue.

One big complaint though. Too many stairs. I had to pee like a dozen times because the show I downed ten mini-bottles of Jaeger in the parking lot. Restrooms were at the bottom and the top, but either way you're dealing with stairs.

It's not that I'm in bad shape, it's just the elevation or something.

The Lineup for Punk Rocks: Street Dogs, Circle Jerks (cancelled due to near death), Bouncing Souls, Mighty Mighty Bosstones, and NOFX.

Street Dogs were a nice surprise. I need to check out their stuff. The singer kept talking about the Ramones. He said "This song is dedicated to the Ramones! Everyone sing along!" and I thought they were going to play a Ramones song but instead they played another Street Dogs song. Weird.

Bouncing Souls. Boring. Seriously. The crowd loved them and I know they're a mainstay of punk rock, but man.

The bands I came to see were the Bosstones and NOFX. The Bosstones were probably the band I listened to most during high school, and I listened to NOFX constantly during my first year or two of college. Both bands played SLC during my junior year which would have been 1997. I missed both shows, and then neither of them ever came back. (aside from maybe a warped tour appearance, but who wants to go to warped tour?)

The Bosstones actually broke up a few years ago, but now they're back! I don't know if they're back back or just playing a few dates, but it doesn't matter because now I've seen them.

The stage went dark as "War (huh-yeah) What is it Good For (absolutely nothing)" blasted out. The song ended with an explosion and an air raid siren as the band took the stage.

These guys were better than ever. I thought the show would be fun for nostalgia's sake, but I figured Dickie Barrett's gruff voice would be shot by now, and a lot of the time ska bands' horns sound crummy live. No suh! The band sounded perfect, and the time off must have done Dickie some good because after looking at old performances on youtube, his voice is much clearer nowadays.

Here's what the band looked like while I was skanking.

I really couldn't have been happier with the set. They played for maybe 90 minutes and played every song I wanted to hear, covering their whole career. They ended with "The Impossible Dream" from Don Quixote (man of la mancha) and then unfurled this banner of that guy that's always on the news. Chills, man.

Say, why not go check out their new song, Don't Worry Desmond Dekker.

Before NOFX I moved down a couple rows to get a better view. My brothers thought I was an idiot, but then they got hit by lightning. Who's the idiot now?

Before we get to NOFX, how about some Red Rocks trivia? In 1971 Jethro Tull played there and hundreds of people showed up without tickets. Eventually they tried to crash the gates and had to be tear gassed. The wind carried the tear gas into the paying crowd and onto the stage. So next time baby boomers get in your face about how great they are, just remind them that they rioted at a Jethro Tull show.

NOFX. They were better than I expected. I've heard that they suck live. They put a lot of energy into it and played a long set, including Punk in Drublic in its entirety. Fat Mike had bronchitis though and sounded terrible. Thing is, he pretty much sounds terrible without bronchitis, but this was even worse. It was fun, but I can check them off my list.

The End.


I was reading about the Bosstones on wikipedia and found this description of their big hit, "The Impression That I Get."

In the lyrics, the singer asks listeners if they have "been close to tragedy" necessitating "a strength most don't possess". The singer says while he has not faced such a daunting situation himself, he "know(s) someone who has" and makes the understatement that he is "sure it isn't good." The singer also expresses doubts about his own mettle and wonders how he would perform in such a situation himself. While stating "I like to think that if I was I would pass" he confesses "I'm afraid of what I might find out."

The opening line of the chorus states "I never had to knock on wood," and it may be more accurately rendered as "I never had to...(knock on wood)" referring to something that the singer has never had to do (i.e. face a huge crisis) and utilizing the superstitious phrase "knock on wood" which is said in the hopes that a good thing will continue to occur after it has been acknowledged. Similarly, the mid-chorus lyrics "It makes me wonder if I never had to knock on wood" are more easily understood with the insertion of ellipsis and other punctuation, i.e. "it makes me wonder if I...? Never had to... (knock on wood)."

Well I just found my new hobby. Explaining song meanings on Wikipedia.

The protagonist, "Jude," is encouraged to not "make it bad." The singer suggests to Jude that he "take a sad song and make it better," which can be considered a metaphor for bringing positivity to a negative situation.

Sean is a weirdo magnet. I don't know why, he just draws them like fluttering insects to a flame. We encountered five weirdos during the show. One was an afro-bearded hippie with a bad case of the crazy eyes who told a joke: "what do you call a frog that's illegally parked? towed."

Then this couple came up and tried to talk to Sean before realizing they didn't know him. "You look just like our friends! One of them has a beard, one of them has that shaved head thing going on, and one of them is ... look like that guy." Then the girl grabbed Sean's beard and kissed his neck while the guy rubbed my head. Presumably for good luck.

During NOFX this coked up a$$hole started messing with Sean. I don't know what the guy wanted, but when things went to far I leaped down and punched him the solar plexus. Actually I didn't punch him I kind of shoved at his wrist but the important thing is that I stepped up without hesitating.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

world was on fire no one could save me but you

Hey! We have a lot to talk about this week so let's get going. I mentioned in my last blog that I was thinking of going to Denver. Well I did go to Denver, and I took pictures. Not gonna get to that until tomorrow though. There are time-sensitive issues that need to be discussed.

In the interest of full disclosure, my general attitude right now is "nope." Whatever that means.

So what do people do when they're not watching the Olympics? Apparently 86% of America watched the games. I watched a lot of lympics myself. Really enjoyed them. Come to think of it I think I've enjoyed the games every time ever since LA in '84. Actually I don't remember watching much if any of the last summer games in Athens. But that was a turbulent time. Athens: nope.

I bet you think you're pretty cool huh Beijing? Hosting the Olympics and all. Not every city gets to do that. Oh oh oh, what's this?


So the Wasatch Front was on fire today. Could still be on fire for all I know. I noticed billows of smoke on my lunch (nap) break and figured the fire was just down the street. Turns out it was a million miles away, just huge. The whole valley is literally covered with ash. We're all going to need to get up early tomorrow to shovel our driveways. Because of all the ash. After work I went to pick up a sandwich and then cruised around taking pictures of the apocalypse.

Maybe I should name this post "Apocalympics." Eh.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

nothing to blog about

This blog has gotten so boring lately. What's up with that? I'd blame busy-ness but that couldn't be further from the truth. In fact I'm less busy than I've been in a long time.

Been watching the Olympics? I have. I like it. I was going to do an Olympic based retro-adventure because I have a nice fast scanner now so I can digitalize my old filmy photos. But in order to do that I'd have to walk clear over there and plug the thing into the thing and ctrl click save as and all that nonsense.

So uh, pretty disappointing about Bigfoot huh?

I can't believe none of you have even noticed my new glasses.

I'm thinking of going to Denver tomorrow.

What if I made a microsuede t-shirt? Just for me.

I need a new cell phone I hate this one.

My glasses are kind of green but I think I'll trade them in for the same version but in black.

Not that you would notice anyway.

Seriously Phelps, you should think about trading in one of your medals for a better hat.

Someone just rubbed my fuzzy head. That was unwelcome.

Not a t-shirt made of microsuede, but a t-shirt with a microsuedy design.

Yeah, Denver.

Monday, August 18, 2008

David Bowie Sells Out

Everyone acts like David Bowie is such a respectable artist, but the truth is he will shill any product that comes along. Anything! The man has no scruples.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Orangutan Island DVD Contest Results

Congratulations to Lee! I should be able to deliver the prize at next week's Project Runway gathering.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


Today is August 12 and this is Microsuede's 266th post. In honor of that, I'm giving away a FABULOUS PRIZE!!!

You want this, even if you don't know you want it.

That's right. Orangutan Island, Season 1, on digital video disc. Delivered right to your door! OR delivered right to your hands, if I see you regularly! That's a $15 value!!!!!!!

B B B! How do I win?

It's an old fashioned caption contest! To enter, post a comment either captioning this photo or describing what's going on.

Wait, so you mean judging will be based on your crappy sense of humor?

Well, not exactly. To qualify, caption the photo. Once you're qualified you will be entered into a random drawing. You will have one entry for every caption you post. So be creative, have a take, don't suck. The winner will be determined Thursday, August 14, 2008, at 7pm MST. I will draw the winning entry from my Salt Lake Bees hat. Gatsby will witness this to make sure this contest remains free of shenanigans.

Important! I reserve the right to disqualify and delete any post that I don't feel properly matches the spirit of this contest. Meaning, you're not going to get an entry for posting "blah blah naked old man blah blah."

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Live Blogging


I'm at work. I've got my coffee, time to blog.

So, you catch those opening ceremonies last night? For the Olympics? In Beijing? Quite a spectacle, that. Weird that they had Brett Favre light the torch though.

My phone keeps ringing, and I know that when that happens I'm supposed to pick it up, but I can't remember what to do after that.

Back later, I have to go delete some unread e-mails.


Weird call just now. I was talking to someone at one of our hotels and I hear someone in the background say "hang up. hang up. call 911 immediately." Hope everything is okay. Although when 911 is involved usually it means that things aren't okay.

Before she hung up though she let me know that it's a beautiful day in Little Rock. I wonder if Little Rock would be a cool place to visit? I'm gonna look into that.


Did you hear that Bernie Mac died?

Oh hey, the lady from the call earlier is back. Everything is fine. "Someone passes out in the hallway and everybody panics" she says.


*ack ack kchhhhh ahem*

That's the sound of me choking on a Vitamin B pill. I have a hard time with pills.

Speaking of idiotic maladies, I think I broke my wrist during my sleep. It really hurts and I can barely move it.


We're so busy today! I brought so much reading material but I haven't even been able to finish a page. The crazy thing is every call I've taken today has been about the exact same thing. I should just change my voicemail to give the answer to that question and then go home.

Also my water tastes like wet shoes.


I think I am have to go for sleep now.


I'm back, I've been napping. We have this great couch in the lobby. Now I'm eating sandwiches. I also bought a bottle of Aquafina from the machine, so I'm not drinking disgusto-water anymore.


Can we get rid of Donald Trump yet? Our society no longer needs him.

That sounds harsh. I'm not saying he shouldn't be allowed to live and do whatever it is he does, just get him off my tv already.

I started a new blog a while ago. You can see it on my profile, it's called How Many Roads Must a Man Walk Down. I'm probably going to change that though. The idea was that I'd put up some of older travelogue adventures from the pre-microsuede days. It would be a lot of work though, and I sleep too much to make it happen.


I got an e-mail from Japan and they addressed me as Bryton-san. That's cool.


Most of the day flew by, but the last half hour seems to be making up for the lost time. Please just let it be 3:30 already.

1220am Sunday

"I've got soul but I'm not a soldier" might be the worst lyrics of all time.

"Never challenge a Brazilian in a contest of nationality," warns the Olympic volleyball commentator. Duly noted.

I'm not at all impressed when Olympic records are broken. It happens every time. Just like box-office records.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

B's Secret Invasion Part VI

I can't believe it's over. What are we going to talk about now? We've all learned and grown so much over the past couple weeks.

Sunday. I don't even know what to say about Sunday. It felt more crowded than the other days. I think the reason for that is that a lot of people came to check it out just for Sunday. By that point a lot of the five-day attendees had probably bagged it, and this one-dayers came in and gawked all over the place. There was a noticeable difference in the crowd too. Sunday was the only day where I experienced shoving and elbowing and charging. And there were a lot more people there that fit the "social reject" stereotype. I'm just telling it like it is.

Didn't do much really. Just walked around taking it in for the last time. It was difficult to be enthusiastic about anything. I could have walked right past Alyssa Milano gettin' it on with Yoda on top of a pile of Amazing Spiderman #1s and I wouldn't have even cared.

I picked up a couple of prints that I'm happy with.

I also met my new love, artist Molly "please stop staring at me" Crabapple. [head's up, her website contains drawings of nakedity]. Someday I will meet her again and be able to make a better first impression. I mean, things went kind of well. She invited me to her party, but unfortunately her party was the night before.

I could have had an awesome picture of this group of Indiana Joes but of course some jerk had to walk in front of the camera.

I know you've had a lot to read, but it was all unnecessary because the entire Comic-Con experience can be summed up in this picture:

Finally it's over. See you next year. Goodbye, Giant Shroom Trip Face.

Goodbye, thousands of people crossing the street trying to not get hit by a train.

We ate at an Australian themed restaurant with some unusual seating arrangements.

No offense to any Australians that may still be reading the blog, but beets don't belong on burgers. I regret not getting the optional fried egg on my burger though.

Sunday night I did something I hadn't done since Wednesday afternoon: relaxed. Fresh air and a cool breeze trumps comic books any day.

Time to finish this up, Microsuede style.

The End.