So I drop a friend off at her car, which is parked at our mutual workplace. I begin the drive home down 3rd West, and just a little bit north of 33rd South (southbound). I see something in the road. A skunk! I don't know about you, but where I come from this is not something you see everyday. I didn't even think skunks really existed. I thought they were the fanciful creation of brilliant cartoon writers. Since skunk sightings are all too rare in my life, and since I have my camera with me, I decide to snap some photos. That's when I realize the horror of the skunk's predicament.
Look closely! THERE'S A CUP ON HIS HEAD!!!
But not just any cup.
A CUP OF YOPLAIT CREAMY YOGURT!!!
Yoplait Creamy Yogurt is so good even giant rodents can't resist!
So I have a dilemna. The poor little guy can't see. It's a busy street, he's going to get hit, and that would be sad. The only thing he did wrong was give in to the tempation if Yoplait. But still, he's a skunk. I don't want to get sprayed. I call my brother Sean. He always knows what to do. After much deliberation he suggests I take off my shirt (so it don't get all stanky) and go for the cup. It's the right thing to do. I wanted to do that because seriously, a shirtless man chasing a skunk with a yogurt cup stuck on its head at one in the morning? Hilarious. I honestly cannot think of anything funnier than that.
Maybe not a good idea though, so I have him get me the number to Animal Control. In case you need it, the number is (801) 269-7499. They're only open M-F from 9-5, so they are worthless to me. I press 4 and the recorded voice gives me a different number. I call that and they transfer me to a woman that asks if it's an emergency, I say "Um...I don't think so." I'm placed on hold. Another woman answers. I explain the situation. I am transferred now to the Highway Patrol. They advise against getting involved with a skunk. I tell them that I'm not looking for a relationship, I just want to help the little critter (ka-zing!). They tell me to drive away because I shouldn't help it and no one else will either because skunks are pests.
Okay fine, I tried my best. I can live with that.
Then the unthinkable happens. A car driving northbound on 3rd West swerves to hit the animal. Swerves to hit it. The animal is motionless. I am completely mortified. I don't see the driver, but I assume he looks like this:
I stare at the skunk. Then miracle of miracles, he gets up! Hooray, the skunk lives to fight another day! But he still has the problem of the cup on his head. Fear not. The ambush by the jerkass in the car has only strengthened Herbert's resolve (oh, by this point I have named the skunk Herbert). He finds his way to the side of the road and climbs a fence. He'll get that cup off yet.
See, he's got a plan. He climbs a little ways up the fence and then jumps down. He's hoping to hook the cup so it comes off.