Sunday, September 28, 2008


Very tasty.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


The final game at Yankee Stadium was on Sunday. I was a Yankee hater for a long time, but recently I've come around. I can't call myself a fan, mind you, but I don't hate them. The Yankees are pure Americana, you know? Every time I see that Gatorade commercial with Derek Jeter in New York it makes me wish I was in New York and was Derek Jeter. I bet whatever he's doing right now it's better than sitting on the couch eating a salmon cup.

As a youth I was a big Yankees fan. I wrote a letter to Don Mattingly. And I was Mickey Mantle for Halloween in 1st grade. And, how many Ricky Hendersons have you met?

I've known for a couple years that Yankee Stadium was closing but did I bother to go? Nope. And I collect ball parks too. Guess I couldn't fit it into my busy schedule of whatever the hell it is I do.

I watched Yankee Stadium's last game. It's so satisfying to watch an entire baseball game on tv. Especially when it's DVR'd because the temptation is so great to fast forward.

The Yogi Berra montages made me feel like a piece of me had died. Or as Lee said, like a piece of our nation had died. Great game, with so many memorable moments. Like when Rudy Guiliani threw out the first pitch, and then the second, third, fourth, and sixth pitches. Or when Paul O'Neill caught a fly ball in his hat. Or when Joe Morgan dropped to one knee and proposed to Reggie Jackson on the jumbotron. Or when "superstar" (actual quote) Matthew Modine... existed.

Anyway, if our Congress really had their shit together they'd figure out a way to bail out Yankee Stadium.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


Okay, now that it's been a few days I feel okay talking about my new job. It's with BODY WORLDS! at THE LEONARDO! It's the darndest thing. I interviewed with them for a couple of different positions, but wasn't selected. Then at the last minute a job came up that matched pretty closely with my resume. So now I am the Phone Room Manager for BODY WORLDS! I like it. It's exciting. And here's the view from my office.

I followed the end of the rainbow and found not gold, but a Little Caesar's. A pizza that's hot and ready for only five dollars? I'll take that over gold any day.

Big thanks to Friend of Microsuede Kersten for making me aware of this whole thing. Also propers to her for being an instrumental part of bringing BODY WORLDS! to Salt Lake.

I'm still working at Marriott too. I want to stay here at least long enough to finally take my dream vacation to Ogden.

Oh gross I'm eating almonds and just got a bad one. I have to go.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

many meetings, or things go better with coke

I've been lagging on the blog. I've been busy. So busy. With meetings. Important ones. Last week I had this early morning staff meeting I was pretty nervous about, but I had an ingenious plan: to drink whiskey throughout the meeting. I avoided detection by hiding my whiskey in an empty bottle of Aquafina. No one was the wiser.

Then yesterday after a long weekend I had to go out to find a new job. I had something promising set up, but it required me to trek to an abandoned library and walk through a maze of crates filled with human corpses. (true story).

It went well and I was offered a position (shortstop, zing!). I had more or less made up my mind, but sought first to seek the council of my trusted advisers.



They can say so much by saying so little.

So yeah, I was offered a job and I took it. I'm very excited. I don't want to talk about it just yet because it still doesn't feel "official," but stay tuned!

I had a good time at the zoo, post-interview. Acara went out of her way to show me her new toy.

She climbed up the fake trees and through the window into the adjacent pen (which as at floor level) and walked up to me at the window and held that thing up for me to see. She looked between it and me for a little bit than tossed it aside and went about her business. It was awesome.

Cute things overheard in the Ape House:

(little boy) "what if that gowiwa bwakes the gwass?"

(little girl) "hi my favorite orange monkey!"

(guy on cell phone) "when the f*** were you gonna tell me? that b**** can't even take care of one kid! f******************. This is such bullsh**!"

Going back a few days, last weekend I went for a hike (got out of the car and walked around a little bit). Nature! So grand!

Mike horses around on a rock.

I think this portrait of me is really funny.

"Wait I think I blinked!"

Going back many more days, the Bees season has come to an end. It was playoff time, against our hated rivals the Sacramento River Cats. We bought our tickets shortly before game time, and our seats were pretty good.

There's that old baseball phrase "close enough to read the iphone" and now it finally makes sense.

Baseball in September. There is nothing better than that.

That guy on deck, number 7, his nickname is Red-Ass. We know this because he said something rude to Lee on his way back to the dugout and then this guy, Buck Travis, gave us the scoop.

"Don't tell him I told you that though. He's my roommate and I don't want to hear about it all night."

The River Cats are such a boring team to watch. All they do is hit home runs. "Oh great. More guys running slowly around the base paths." Even worse, they cleanly catch and throw every ball hit to them. Where's the showmanship? Take a tip from the Bees and dive after balls only to miss by four feet. Maybe drop the ball on routine grounders, or close your eyes and swing as hard as you can at every pitch. That's how you play baseball.

Well how about that, the River Cats are on my tv right this very moment. Playing for the AAA championship. Guess I'll go watch that.

Friday, September 12, 2008

nine eleven

A day late I guess. It's 2am but I still count this as September 11th. Honestly, I think about 9-11-01 exactly never these days. The only time it crosses my mind is when I see W. or Guiliani speak and I sarcastically say in my thick liberal accent "Let's see how many times they mention 9-11, hahahahahaha. Jerks."

Anyway I'm driving home and Joy is texting me about a 9-11 show she's watching on the History Channel and I'm all "I don't even want to think about that. I just want to think about the snow leopards I just saw on Letterman."

But I can't ignore it really. It's one of those things that I just can't believe really happened. And I don't mean "can't believe" like "i can't believe this is fat free!" I mean can't believe like "what? you're making this up." When I think about 9-11 I might as well be thinking about a time-traveling zombie slapping me in the face. I just can't comprehend it.

Funny thing is, the world is full of tragedy and atrocity amazingly even more devastating than 9-11, but those tragedies aren't on TV. I think I've seen the images from that day so many times that I was desensitized to it for a while. But now they freak me out, more so than ever. I don't want to see any of that imagery, I don't even want to think about it because it makes me physically uncomfortable.

Anyway, I'm going to dive into my own thoughts here and write about my own memories of that day, stream of consciousness style.

The alarm goes off probably around 9am MST. Clock radio, Radio from Hell with Kerry, Bill, and Gina. The first thing I hear is Bill say "there are bodies falling out of the World Trade Center" and I'm barely awake and wondering if I'm really hearing this. I pay closer attention. Details are sketchy. A lot of stuff is reported that ended up not being true. "the national mall is on fire, there was a suicide bomber near the White House," stuff like that. I listen a bit more and get the story. A plane crashed into one of the Towers, then while the news was covering that another plane crashed into the other one, live. I'm picturing small planes at this point. Little propeller driven numbers. I turn on the TV and see the smoking towers. Scary shit. I call my dad who's on his way to work and I say "Have you seen this?" "No, what?" "We're under attack!" "What?" "Turn on the news! Planes have crashed into the World Trade Center!" He tells me to start taping CNN because he has a VHS archive of every major news event from the past twenty years. I was watching live as both towers collapsed. When I heard the word collapse I had no idea of the devastation. I didn't think collapse meant that the whole thing came down.

I go to work. I'm wearing a grey polo shirt that in retrospect was probably too small for me. The mood is "off" but not too grim or solemn. Business as usual for the most part, except we have a TV showing the news. I was a boss type at that job so I don't really have to do any work. Just talk to people and watched the news. An angry customer called and was really mad because his shuttle was late picking him up from the airport. That guy needs to take a look at the bigger picture.

I had to go to Spanish class at the U. Had a test that day. Me and Original Emily (not to be confused with Regular Emily) had that class together but eventually withdrew. There a guy in the class in the ROTC... during class he was always using one of those forearm exercise grip things. And one time I glanced at his notebook and noticed he had written the word "Kill" all over the page. I wonder if he ever made it to the Marines, and if so what fate has befallen him.

Later I went back to work and went to get lunch at Skool Lunch with this girl Crystal, who months later would suffer severe brain damage in an ATV accident.

Oh here she is on myspace. Looks like she's doing alright. Hmm, I always thought she was older than that...

My friend Jared calls while I'm at lunch and we discuss the events of the day. This was before text messaging. At least before I or anyone I knew had it. If text messaging was around I'm sure my thumb would have been blistered by the end of the day.

I work til fairly late that night. Eventually we figure out that Al Queda is responsible. Grainy footage shows rocket attacks hitting Kabul. This middle-eastern fellow, who's name escapes me, was incredulous. "They're already attacking Kabul? But we don't even know what really happened!" Later we found out it was the Northern Alliance attacking Kabul. Anyway this guy was really fashionable and one time he spoke with Kenneth Cole on the phone and was really excited.

A little over a month later, the office was shut down. The corporate goons blamed 9-11 but I think that was just a convenient excuse. Doesn't matter anyway. One of the guys that worked there, his grandmother and aunt were on one of the planes. I can't even imagine the horror that family had to deal with. Actually I can, I just don't want to.

In the Fall of 2003 I go to New York for the first time. Ground Zero isn't what I expected. There's no heaviness in the air. Aside from the mess there's no sense that something terrible once happened there. Lots of people taking pictures (including me), and street vendors, literally hundreds of them, selling cheap WTC merchandise. There's something very American about that, for good and for ill. At the time I'm disgusted by it though.

I like this mural. The building had to come down because it was unstable and couldn't be saved.

In 2002 I started working for Marriott, and every once in a while around the office I'd find those cubicle clip thingies -the things you jam into the cubicle wall to hold papers- with the logo of the Marriott World Trade Center. Who knows how long they'd been sitting there. That hotel was destroyed along with the towers. Strange that those relics live on.

But hey! How about footage of the World Trade Center that makes me sick for a different reason? In 1974 this crazy bastard tight rope walked across the very top of the newly constructed Twin Towers. I heard about this story many years ago and thought it would make a great movie. Someone beat me to it and made this:

It's good. See it.

Alright. Let's get back to talking about round-ball sports and glowing signs...

Saturday, September 6, 2008

continuing coverage of the 2008 election

It’s morning again in America. Saturday morning. I have a lot of e-mails in my inbox, so that should help me pass the day. My Aunt Liz sends me forwards from time to time (every 7-8 minutes) and I’ve come to rely on them to help me stay safe in this dangerous world. I recently got this one about Senator Obama and I was going to delete it since I felt sufficiently informed after watching the RNC, but I’m glad I didn’t because it was very eye opening. I’m going to post it here instead of forwarding it seeing as most of my contacts have my e-mails sent straight to their spam box.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>scary times
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>for America!

This is the most important e mail you will ever read. The election of 2008 will decide whether the United States of America will continue to flourish or if it will be completely destroyed from within. Barack USAIN Obama wants you to believe that he’s right for this great country, but who is he really?

Who is Barack Obama?

Barack USAIN Obama was born to Barack Usain Obama Sr., a BLACK sprinter from Kingston, Jamaica, and Ann Dunham, a white Epicurian from Wichita, Kansas. At the time Kansas had not yet been admitted to statehood, so despite what his handlers want you to believe, Barack is NOT a natural born American citizen. Ann and Barack Sr. moved to Hawaii shortly after Barack Jr. was born in the hope that one day they could dupe the good hard-working people of America into thinking he was a REAL American and electing him President.

Barack’s parents divorced when he was two years old and his mother immediately married Dr. Prince Big Herman, a RADICAL Jamaican Rastafarian who was neither a doctor nor a prince nor very big. The family relocated to Jamaica and Barack attended a Rasta “school.” The term school is used loosely and Tom Ridge of the Department of Homeland Security has called such schools “training ground for terrorists.” At this school Barack was required to spend four hours a day studying irie riddims and pledging to destroy the polytricksters of Babylon.

Barack’s mother, sensing her son’s political ambitions, enrolled young Barack in a Catholic school so he could someday meet the constitutional requirement that all US Presidents be Christian. Guess she thought she could fool the good hard-working American people! Well we’re not fooled. In fact during his years at Catholic school Barack was suspended seven times for various offenses including looking up girls’ skirts, snapping his gum, smoking in the boys room, and carrying a switchblade. Yeah, he’s a real good Christian [eye-roll].

Such a “good” “Christian” that when sworn-in to the Senate he REFUSED to take his Oath of Office on the Bible, placing his hand instead on a copy of Legend – The Best of Bob Marley.

Clearly his claims of being Christian are false, but what about his claims of loving America? Mr Obama, if you love America so much why do you REFUSE to place your hand over your heart when you hear the Andy Griffith theme? Why do you wear your American flag lapel pin upside down? Why do you raise a black-gloved fist into the air instead of reciting the Pledge of Allegiance? Why do you support legislation to disband America’s military? Why do you want to make Spanglish our official language? Why do you drink Heineken?

Voters of America, remain vigilant! This man is nothing more than a con-man, a regular glim-dropper! If he’s elected President he’ll be the LAST President this great country ever has! Think about THAT on voting day!!! Please forward this to everyone you know.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

apropos of nothing, i don't like this speech i'm watching right now

"... when the iron beasts rolled by Ricky didn't see progress, or the continent coming together. He didn't hear the sound of capitalism and industry in the chugging steam engines. All he saw was the shrinking of the Great American West; the end of the last era that a man could truly be free..."

Saturday I wanted to see Boulder, because I love hip and happenin' college towns. We didn't get going until late in the afternoon, since we are nothing if not late sleepers. I needed the extra sleep though as I was stuck on an air mattress that wouldn't stay inflated (due to user error).

"Hey Mike, I get to sleep on the couch tonight."

"No! The whole way down you insisted that I would take the couch and you would sleep on the 'comfortable' air mattress."

"Yeah but... I changed my mind."

"Sean, B.'s trying to steal the couch."

"Hmmm. Then we shall cut the couch in half, and divide it equally."

"No no, I'd rather see B. have it then destroy the couch."

"Problem solved! Alright."

Boulder? Boulder. Check this out.

Mustard's Last Stand! Ahahaha. Get it? I haven't seen a dining establishment that cleverly named since Humphrey Yogart.

Do you like hippies? Do you like street performers? If yes, then you will love Boulder. Actually it's a nice little town. I quite liked it. It's very pedestrian friendly and there is ample parking.
I think this is city hall or the court house or something. It reminds me of Tetris.

Neath here lies buried a time capsule from 1977. To be opened in 2075.

I'm guessing that inside is a Star Wars poster, Saturday Night Fever soundtrack, an 8x10 of Jimmy Carter, Mork...

No Pete! Didn't you learn anything from Tax-Evasion Charlie's?

Huh. I've always wondered what those things were for.

Wait, neon is near. I can hear it humming. Also I can see it.

While taking these pictures I learned that in Boulder people get very upset if you don't know the answer to the ages-old question, "Where da party at?" Apparently "I'm not from here, I just want to look at this sign" will earn you nothing but scorn.

Check out this photo segue.

Back to Denver to see the Rockies of Colorado take on the Cincinnati Redlegs. Remember last year when I was all into the Rockies? Well I'm still a big Rockies fan, helped largely by the fact that I can watch their games on basic cable. It was only two days before the DNC started so we had to run a blockade to get into the city, but we got there reasonably on time.

Great view from the park.

The Reds are one of the most storied teams in baseball. In fact, they're the oldest still-surviving team. They're not doing very well this year, and I can see why. These guys need to grow up.

"I'm not moving until you reverse that call. I'm not moving!"

The Reds are like the Bad News Bears but without the heart. These jokers don't even care enough to get in position!

Great game! Last time I went to a Rockies game the crowd was dead and the game was boring. This one was close and the place was full of energy. The Rockies even have a shot at the playoffs, no doubt thanks to me.

One of my favorite players, Troy Tulowitski. Look at the ball flying off his bat!

He grounded out to the shortstop.

"Yeah, I work for Major League Baseball."

"Oh? What do you do?"

"Whatever the commissioner needs. The team couldn't take the field without me."

Laser eye!

The Boys!


WTF? It's bad enough that they're destroying Beatles songs, but now the Jonas Bros. are pro-fur too?

The important thing is...

...somewhere on this block is a 420 High Street.

Ah, the bachelor life. The contents of Sean's fridge (all of the boxes are empty):

Sunday morning, er, afternoon, time to go. Sean was sad.

But probably not as sad as he would be when he saw what Mike left in the tub.

Someone dropped some Midwest in northern Colorado.

The stormy plains of Wyoming.