Wednesday, October 31, 2007


Happy Halloween everybody. Here's the extent of my decorations.

My buddy Scott, now that guy is crazy with the Halloween stuff. This doesn't even begin to cover it:

I don't think I'm going to dress up this year. Unless I can find a squid somewhere. A squid is crucial to my costume idea. Problem is I usually find myself all dressed up with nowhere to go. I think I have a couple of somewheres to go this year though.

Last year I was Slash. Before that, Clark Kent. Other things I have been: Agent Smith from the Matrix, Teen Wolf, Maverick from Top Gun (age 7), and Mickey Mantle. Maybe next year I'll be David Letterman. We both wear glasses and have similar hairlines. I've been thinking about Michael Caine a lot lately and was brainstorming some Michael Caine themed costume ideas, but I didn't come up with anything that would work. I'd have to go around saying "My name, is Micow Caine" all the time. Hmm, that gives me an idea for tomorrow's blog...

Monday, October 29, 2007

What did I do this weekend?

Literally, nothing.

So enjoy this cool picture of Michael Caine instead.

Saturday, October 27, 2007


Maybe the reason Atheists haven't accepted him is because they've never seen him portrayed as a hot-air balloon airbrushed onto the side of a van.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

ford tough

Alright Suedeheads, I know you've all been closely following the saga of my unregistered car (Betty). The buzz has been deafening. The story has come to an end, so I thought I'd offer some resolution. But first, recap.

August 20 - Betty's check engine light comes on.

August 31 - current registration expires. can't register until inspected, can't pass inspection if check engine light is on.

Sept 1-29 - general lament.

Sept 29 - take it to Autozone, determine cause of check engine light. while I'm at it, replace a fuse.

Sept 30 - Oct 15 - general lament.

Oct 15 - two parking tickets. Make a vow to get the problem taken care of, asap.

Oct 16-19 - general lament.

Oct 19 - apartment manager calls. if car not registered within 24 hours, will be towed. not allowed to park there until registered.

Oct 19, 3pm-5pm - try to get everything taken care of. unsuccessful.

Oct 19 - 21 - go to St. George.

Oct 22 - repairs made. check engine light shut off. also got new spark plugs.

Oct 22 - call every emissions/inspection place in town, trying to find one open past 7pm

Oct 22 - find one. Anytime Emissions.

Oct 22 - car does not pass. as it happens, when certain repairs are made, like say, the check engine light, it takes a while for certain electronic diagnostic systems to reset.

Oct 23 - return to same place. guy plugs a thing into the thing. this time I pass. Hooray! maybe.

Oct 23 - pull out of Anytime Emissions, immediately pulled over by a cop with a moustache. explain that I am literally on my way to register having just passed inspection. doesn't seem to believe me? gives me a ticket.

Oct 23 - go to register the car online, already says "failed" due to last night's failed inspection. call the DMV, they say there's no way to fix it other than hope that the website updates itself, which it might not.

Oct 23 - severe lament

Oct 23 - check website again, it has updated! print temporary registration and glue it in the back window.

Oct 24 - pay all outstanding citations.

The moral of the story: Officer Park has a dumb looking moustache.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Viva San Jorge

Oh hello. I'm just busy working. Working at my job. Allow me a moment while I take as sip of Energy Drink. [Shudder] Mmmm, delicious. You can really taste the Riboflavin.

I mentioned Friday that I would be spending the weekend in St. George. Those words are as true now as they were then. Friday started with me calling in sick to work, feeling a nauseous hangover I didn't deserve as I'd committed no hangoverable offenses, aside from eating a microwaved hamburger the night before. I was finally roused from my stupor thanks to a call from my apartment manager telling me that since my car was unregistered it would be towed within 24 hours, and I wasn't allowed to park there with expired plates. Well that's a drag. I spent the rest of the day frantically trying to find a repair shop to fix my pesky check engine light in time for me to get it inspected before skipping town. I was unsuccessful.

I resolved to get my car taken car of Saturday in St. George (yeah right) and hit the road. I observed this sunset while refueling my troublesome vehicle.

Originally I was going to head out after work, and convinced Emily to come along with me so I wouldn't have to ride alone. The four-hour ride down was fun, if uneventful. At a gas station in Fillmore I saw a guy with a huge beard. That was kind of neat.

The reason we were going is because my friend Judy (her blog is linked over to your right) arranged to use her Aunt's vacation home. It was nice, and I guess it has a decent view.

I mean, it's okay and all.

If you're into that.

We arrived after midnight to find the rest of the gang half-sleeping and half-watching Waking Ned Devine. If naked elderly Irishmen is your thing, then I can't recommend this movie enough. After the movie everyone woke up and we ate chips and talked about our feelings all night.

The next day we went for a hike in Snow Canyon. It's very grand, and I don't think these pictures capture it's grandeur.

We found this cave and a few of us went spelunking. Not me though. I leave that to the professionals.

I was bored while waiting (hoping) that the cavers would come back, so I jabbed into this cactus and ate it's tasty green cactus goo.

(pic stolen from Carbon Copy, who is linked at your left. On her blog you will find her no doubt inaccurate version of these events)

Tasted grassy. I washed it down with some Bud light. It was warm and flat, but if there's one thing I've learned from commercials it's that men will do anything, anything, for free beer.

(I didn't really drink the cave beer)

After the canyon we went into town for lunch. No one interesting walked by, unless you count the guy in the Hannibal Lecter mask.

Saw this statue. Creepy.

So, I think maybe the cat froze to death, and that's why she's so distraught? The cat looks happy though. Maybe this big cat ate her smaller cat. I like it when cat sculptors leave their work open to interpretation.

After lunch, back to the house, where we settle in for the rest of the day. Aside from a brief hot-tubbing interlude, we spent the rest of the night watching this:

All told we watched nine episodes of Friday Night Lights. Nothing better than travelling to another city to watch tv in a different house. I'm not being sarcastic. I couldn't watch that much tv at home because I'd be all stressed thinking about other things I should be doing. But this trip was all about rest & relaxation. Good times.

Stopped at Chilis before leaving town, where I had the worst tasting glass of water I've ever had. This is interesting because any trip from Salt Lake to St. George requires that you pass through Beaver, Utah, a city whose signs boast of the best tasting water in the U.S. Someday I hope to personally verify this, and when I do you'll be the first to know, dear reader.

I did sample the best tasting red licorice in the world on the way home, Kookaburra. I didn't even like licorice, or so I thought. Probably because I'd never had anything as delicious as this before. We were also going to stop at Cache Valley Cheese for some cheese samples, but figured it was probably closed on Sunday. Also I was eager to get home. Also I hear that this particular cheese factory doesn't offer tours, and I like to tour cheese factories. Maybe that's another blog entry entirely.

Since I couldn't park at my apartment I camped out at my mom's house last night, waking up at 630am to get my car into the dealership to get some long overdue repairs. I'm happy to report that it cost less than $524. I still need to get it inspected and pay registration fees and parking tickets, so I'm looking at probably another $250. Maybe it's time to start biking everywhere.

Friday, October 19, 2007

the special aka

Someone in South Africa found my blog today by googling "free pictures of bathrooms." The search took them to this entry. Apartheid may be over, but they still have to pay for pictures of bathrooms. That's something we take for granted here in America.

Speaking of America, how about some good old fashioned Americana? Remember when I used to post neon all the time? Here's a couple of good ones.

These were taken in St. George, Utah. It was a cold night last year and me and the gang decided to take a last minute trip to the Vegas. We pulled into St. George around 1am and I was dazzled by these motels, which I'd not seen before. That ended up being one of the funnest weekends of my whole life. Also on the way there I bought my blue velvet jacket, which as I've mentioned before, is awesome.

The reason I bring up St. George is because tomorrow night I'll be heading down there for the weekend. Just to hang. Should be fun. Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

It was supposed to be so easy, volume II

The fall concert series continues. Last night was Interpol. I've blogged about the band before and I've used a lot of their song titles and lyrics as titles for my blog entries. In the History of Bryton they are one of the most important bands. I've now seen Interpol three times, and I think I'm done for a while.

I first saw them in 2003. I still remember everything about that night. Waiting in line on West Temple with Mike C. and April and her blonde friend, making fun of Ben Franklin, wearing my black shirt and my favorite jacket, talking to Emily on the phone back when I barely knew her at all, finally getting inside the club (on Carlos D's guest list, no less) missing the opening act, finding a spot up in the balcony (maybe I should admit that I wasn't on Carlos D's guest list, Mike was, and I was his plus one), drinking a weird Czech Beer (Lev Black Lion) and seeing a great show.

The next time I saw them was opening for the Cure on the Curiosa tour. Disappointing. Outdoor venue, and we were a mile from the stage and the sun hadn't even gone down yet and the sound was bad and I was with my ex-girlfriend at the time (actually at the time she was my girlfriend) and she wasn't really into Interpol and blah blah blah.

This time Interpol was headlining. Originally scheduled for the crappy McKay Events Center, they changed venues to the crappier In the Venue. Seriously, what a dumb name for a club.

Irritation #1: when I bought my ticket it was $35. I don't care what side of the tracks you come from, that's a lot of dough for a concert. I guess sales were low because last week they dropped them to $10. That'll teach me to be a fan and buy tickets early.

Irritation #2: on the way to the show I stopped for some cash and my remaining balance was... unnerving to say the least. Surely there's been some kind of mistake. Surely my identity has been stolen. Nope. Turns out I'm just bad at balancing my checkbook. Go B!

Irritation #3: no cameras allowed. I guess that makes sense. Cameras at concerts are a very recent phenomenon. Time was you wouldn't even think about bringing a camera. Tai and I talked about this at Arcade Fire. We logicked that the prevalence of camera phones made it so authority types didn't bother disallowing cameras since everyone had a camera phone anyway. Not this time though, as the venue wouldn't even allow camera phones inside. I felt so naked without my phone. Guess how many important texts I missed? Six. How important were they? A sampling: "I just fell asleep on the couch." "Wow, go Rockies!" "Andrei played well tonight."

Non-irritation #1: at the last minute Swedish band The Shout Out Louds were added as an opener. These kids were good. I really enjoyed their guitar driven keyboard pop.

Incredulity #1: middle act, The Liars. If I had liked their music, I would have thought they put on a great show. But I didn't. And I didn't know what to expect so I was surprised when the singer turned out to be a seven-foot tall monkey-faced man dressed all in white and prancing around like an even more effeminate Mick Jagger. I was frightened by him.

Interpol finally came on. They sounded good. They looked awesome. They had cool lights and smoke. But I don't know, kind of didn't do it for me. It was a great performance, they played almost all the songs I wanted to here, but didn't really get me "pumped" like the other shows I've talked about. And their music isn't very diverse so every song, especially the newer stuff, sounds exactly the same.

Irritation #4: I was standing near the front of the stage when Interpol came on. Now, I'd be a complete tool to think that the people up front weren't gonna dance and bop around, but this was ridiculous. All these broad-shouldered plaid-shirted bone-heads pushed their way up front and started dancing around like it was a punky reggae party. Have you heard Interpol? They're not 311. You don't skank around with one finger in the air to Interpol. You just don't.

Irritation #5: Over testosteroned bouncers. I left the idiot pit and found a good view in the back. This bouncer hassled me to get out of the walkway, as though if there was a fire we weren't all screwed anyway. I started to move as requested and this dude pushed me, hard. Not like a shove, but like both hands on me, pushing me like I'm a heavy filing cabinet or something. Despite his noticeable size advantage I said "F*** you!" and he didn't like that. He got all up in my grill with his crazy eyes. "Huh? Huh?" he said over and over. I just glared back at him, trying to look tough but probably looking like a frightened rabbit. In retrospect, I'm glad he didn't strike me.

Irritation #6: I got myself a couple parking tickets. One of them was for being in a "parallel only" zone which is total bullshit because I looked up and down that street for any sort of posted parking rules, of which there were none. The second one was for having expired registration. Totally my fault. It's been expired since August but it's more damn important to me to sleep in on Saturdays than take care of my car (see, I have to get it inspected before I can get it registered and I have to fix my check engine light before I can get it inspected so the whole thing has to be a big production). Bottom line is I'm a big-time screw up, des temps en temps. C'est la vie, non?

Monday, October 15, 2007

The Big Game

A few weeks ago I made the difficult decision to give up television. We were just going through the motions anyway. The spark was gone. Our time together used to be so comforting, but now it was just awkward.

It wasn't a clean break. I still watch two or three shows regularly, and the baseball playoffs (ROCKIES!), and I can't wait for Lost to return in February, but other than that I've probably cut out 87% of my television viewing. I feel great, and I'm making progress with my various artistic pursuits like never before.

One of the biggest perks of giving up television is that it has allowed me to watch more television.


Well you see, it is the year 2007. A golden age. Quality entertainment is just a disc away. Instead of wasting my time on junk television like the late night chat shows or LA Ink or Prison Break, I can watch the Wire or Rome or any number of great programs with the convenience of DVD.

The reason I bring this up is because this weekend I dove into Season 1 of Friday Night Lights. I was sceptical at first. a) it's about High School. b) it's about High School Football. c) it's about High School Football in Texas. I'm not much of a football fan (aside from the epic Tecmobattles between Chris and I), I'm not in High School (not anymore) and last time I went to Texas I got run right out of town. But certain friends insisted that I watch the show, so on a rainy Saturday morning I gave it a shot.

I was hooked within the first ten minutes. I'm as shocked as you are. I cannot believe how good this show is. I'm really sad that I only have eighteen episodes left.

That's about it for my weekend. Friday night I saw The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford as Portrayed by Brad Pitt and Casey Affleck, Respectively, with Admirable Supporting Turns from Sam Rockwell, Garrett Dillahunt, and Paul Schneider. I've been looking forward to this move for a very long time. It exceeded my expectations, but it's really a film's film. I was blown away by the cinematography and the framing and the music... it's not without it's faults though. The chief complaint seems to be that it's too long. It is. It's long and slow and meditative and poetic but also really long. BUT the last scene absolutely took my breath away. Can't wait to pick it up on DVD.

Saturday night I went to a place called Settabello. I usually don't like that Napoli style Margherita pizza but this was really good. While at dinner we (me and a couple people that probably don't read this blog) came up with a super long and painful "bit" involving these phrases, Tutoring, Tudoring, Tudor Homes, Tudor; Holmes, Two-Door Homes, To-Door Homes. Kind of a Who's on First thing. Probably the most unfunny thing we've ever done, but that's what makes it funny. But really it wasn't funny. You had to be there, but be glad you weren't.

Friday, October 12, 2007


I had my hair removed. Because it was haunted.

Actually I wanted to look like Renton in Trainspotting. I really like it. I think this will be my new hairstyle from now on.

My "barber" was the same lady I've talked about in the past. The one who cried while talking about the movie 300. There's another girl that works there that has a tattoo in her armpit. I think tattoos are cool but I'm not sure about that one.

Thursday, October 11, 2007


I had to attend a four hour staff meeting today. They gave us all beef jerky packets beforehand and I thought of a cunning way to escape, but didn't have the guts to go through with it.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

job advice

Tip: when going in for a job interview, flip your cell phone necklace around. That way they'll know you're serious.

Monday, October 8, 2007

to sleep

Let's talk about sleep for a minute. I don't do it well. I haven't had a good night's sleep in over two years. Is it because I stay up too late, or do I stay up too late because I know I'm not going to sleep anyway? Is it because I have an uncomfortable bed? Who knows. Lately I've been experimenting with prescription sleep medications. I really like Lunesta, but it does have the nasty side-effect of making all liquids taste like poison. That's weird. I'm no chemist but you'd think they could do something about that.

Hoping for some sleep sans bad taste, I tried an Ambien on Friday night. That thing killed me. I was out for 14 hours, and woke up not feeling refreshed and rested but hungover and floaty. Not pleasant. This feeling even carried over into Sunday.

"Growing a beard" made an appearance on my recent list of things I am not good at. Here's why. Actually, I think this is a good picture. It's a little too flattering, beard-wise. Until I shaved Thursday night I looked like I had just rolled out of a dumpster. I like this picture though. I look like an angry and tormented playwright.

Friday night I went to a play. My friend Andy and I have decided to try to write a play and figured we should maybe, y'know, actually see a play first. We saw a production called The Batting Cage.

The Batting Cage is effing terrible. It was one of the worst uses of my money in recent memory. It's playing SLC until October 20. Do not go see this play. I hate to be so negative, and I admire anyone who creates any kind of art, but playwright Joanna Ackerman should be ashamed of herself for this trite and cliched piece of garbage. Maybe I'm being too harsh. Wait, no I'm not. I'm remembering the ridiculous second-act monologue in which one of the characters talks about the titular Batting Cage and I realize that I'm not being harsh enough. And don't even get me started on the deus ex machina ending and that stupid hug... okay I'm done.

After the play we went across the street to Squatters, a local brew-pub institution that I've never even been too. Ran into our old friend Ashley and also a friend of my idiot brother's named Jeb who hooked us up with dessert. That was nice. Also saw Crazy Red Soxman Manny Ramirez belt one over the Green Monster to beat the Angels. I have a soft-spot for the Red Sox since they're the team that got me excited about baseball again back in '99.
Went back to my friends' house post-Squatters and the power kept going out as the thunder crashed outside. Everytime the power came back on we discovered that one of us had been murdered. Whacky!

Saturday I watched the movie Children of Men for the first time. I'm irritated with everyone I know for not forcing me to watch this sooner. This movie is like, flawless. In watching the DVD extras I learned something about myself: I do not care how special effects are accomplished in movies. "Well we invented this new type of camera and attached it to the dashboard and then we didn't need to use a green screen blah blah blah." Just don't care. This type of conversation would be good enough for me:

"Wow, how'd they do those special effects?"
"Movie Magic."
"Oh okay."

On the other hand, I do like DVD extras about production design. I find that very interesting.

Saturday night Emily and I had sushi at Ichiban, where so many years ago I had sushi for the first time. Great place. Also it turns out Emily does really good impressions. Once again, fell asleep on a couch watching World's Jobbiest Jobs, but managed to wake up to go to Monk's House of Jazz. Remember a few weeks ago when I mentioned this place? Of course not. Are you even reading this now? Doubtful. Anyway, Monk's was way more fun this time. My buddy Scott was there and I even saw my old boss from when I worked at the library some ten years ago. Also I danced with a really hot chick. Okay she was kind of hot. And I didn't dance with her so much as she danced at me. And she was really drunk. And loves Journey. But who doesn't?

Nothing happened on Sunday. I hung out with my other idiot brother Mikey and he was being really irritating because he wanted to be mentioned on the blog. Well there you go Mikey. jackass.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

things I am not good at

1. Getting there on time
2. Billiards
3. Roller Skating
4. Going to bed
5. Singing
6. Frugality
7. Video Games
8. Caring about my job
9. Growing a beard
10. Not getting winded when doing light physical activity
11. Remembering my Paypal password

I'm sure there's more.

these things what occupy mines brain

Ever since the concert last week I haven't been able to stop thinking about Arcade Fire. I think I have a problem. I can't even listen to their music, because ten seconds into each song I want to hear a different song. I need to figure out a way to listen to all their songs at once. More than once a day I check ebay to try to find the silk-screened poster I foolishly passed up at the show. I'm also considering buying magazines with articles about the band and maybe even a pin to cover up the hole that was accidentally burned into my grey jacket by an errant spark way back in March. That would be fitting too because I got this jacket in Montreal and that's where Arcade Fire is from. Hmmm, I'm liking this idea more and more.

My second obsession is the Colorado Rockies of the Major Baseball League. We're only two days in but so far this has been a great playoff season. I'm a total bandwagoner for the Rockies. My beloved Minnesota Twins' season was over before it started, and aside from the Bees I haven't really had a team to root for this year. A couple weeks ago my idiot brother moved to Denver and he didn't really have anything to do so he'd watch Rockies games every night and he'd call me and be like "Dude! Check out these Rockies!" and since we get all the Rockies games in Salt Lake I'd be like "Okay!" So anyway, I've been a Rockies fan for all of two weeks but whatever. Such an exciting young team. They've really captured my imagination.

Oh hey! I just remembered that I've been to a Rockies game. Hang on a second...

Holy shit that's the jacket I was just talking about!!!

My last obsession-of-the-moment is the art of Josh Howard. I'm borrowing this picture from his website to dramatize this point.

I love this guy's style. I have a sketchbook and I've been trying to copy his stuff just for fun. If I really concentrate I can do okay, but I'm not at the point where I can free-hand a Josh Howard-esque babe, yet. I just bought the first volume of his comic, Dead @ 17. I don't know if I'll like it or not but at least I can enjoy the pretty pictures.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007


Haven't updated in a while. A few reasons for this. a) After two really long posts last week I wanted to give everyone a chance to catch up, b) I'm suffering from a major case of blog apathy, c) really nothing left to talk about.

Blog apathy ever happen to you? Of course it does, I think to myself as I look through my blog list on google reader and see several that haven't been updated in forever. I guess the novelty has sort of worn off for me. No worries, I just need to get my groove back. I'm sure as soon as I see a guy at the store with a funny hat I'll once more be blogging away like the good ol' days.

Speaking of the good ol' days, I was reading some old entries and I just feel like the current quality isn't up to snuff. No, I take that back. Not a drop in quality, but things have really changed around here. I'm not thinking outside the box like I used to. These days it's more of a Journal, whereas in the old days I was more about Entertainment.

I guess there's nothing wrong with that. Just a natural evolution and all. I'm not being all mopey or looking for positive reinforcement (although I'm certainly not looking for anyone to agree with me either). I guess I'm just thinking out loud about the state of the blog. Whatever.

So, weekend? Had a great weekend. Not much to say about it. Had an amazing chicken sandwich at the Desert Edge Pub. Fell asleep on a couch while watching World's Most Haunted Hauntings or some such, then left and got my second wind and ended up at the Bud for a night of manly competition. For the most part I lost every dart game I participated in, and I continue to not be the Tecmo Bowl champion. Lots of new jokes and bits were created, but I don't think they'll translate. "Three and a four!" "Dippin' the sticky!" Yeah see? They don't translate. Danny wrote more about this on his Law Blog.

Saturday I slept late in a Lunesta induced coma, then drove around in the snow. Yes, snow. I went to the Zone (Au-to Zone!) to find the source of my irksome "Check Engine" light. Turns out it's caused by the EGR valve. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with this information.

Hung out with some friends, had some Chinese food and candy, played a little tetris, danced cool, created a new character. Is good time.

Sunday, not much. I Frankensteined a new hat. Maybe that deserves it's own entry.

Monday night one of my big shot friends was in town, Jared Rusten. Cool to hang out with him. We went to Freaky Dee's then hung out in Andy's basement long past my standard bed time.

Last night Emily was nice enough to go to Koyo with me. Delicious. Mmmmmm. Really fun night. Afterward there might have been some living room karaoke with Chris. Maybe not though. I can't confirm or deny that this happened. (note to self: maybe a future blog entry? "things I am not good at." Item#1: singing).