Tuesday, June 5, 2007

It was supposed to be so easy

I had a few errands I had to run last night even though I was deathly tired and wanted nothing more than to collapse atop the Microsuede couch and call it a day. First I had to go pay rent, which was a pain because you're not allowed to just drop it off anymore, you have to actually hand it to a person. The office was unattended save for the 17-year old security guard with a disarming penchant for dead-eyed staring. I had to wait and wait, and finally the lady comes back and I drop off rent and I wanted to ask her about the upcoming asphalt repair project but she was a jerk and I didn't want to talk to her.

Then I went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to buy a new pillow. I haven't had a good night's sleep in over two years and I'm blaming my pillows. Now, it may surprise you to learn that I have lived 27 years, yet this is the first time I have ever bought a pillow myself. I was surprised by how expensive they are, but maybe I'm just naive to the ways of the pillow. I mean, they did have some cheap ones but this is an area in which I need quality. I bought a nice foamy number, which was a gamble because they wouldn't let me try it out in the store. I said "I'll set my alarm, it'll be twenty minutes tops," but they weren't into that.

FYI, BB&B is full of frightening people. Like young engaged couples and overtanned housewives.

Next stop Albertson's for my weekly supply of foodstuffs. I was trying to decide of I should buy a bucket of Mozzarella discs (I did) when some guy walked buy and said to his friend: "She can take that f******** chicken and shove it up her f******* [jacksy]!"

I really want to know the context of that quote. There was no one at the Deli, so I don't think he got into an argument over chicken with a store employee. I'd also like to know if he was talking about chicken the food or chicken the animal. If it was chicken the animal that's gotta be a violation of several local statutes.

Then at check-out the bagger was really giving me a hard sell about buying some Tostitos. I was buying Garden of Eatin' brand Chile and Lime tortilla chips and the guy was criticizing them. "Why are you buying these fake chips when you could have Tostitos?" Dude, just put my stuff in the bag, don't judge it. Furthermore, my chips are better than any Tostito you could ever eat.

The good news is that while at the store a pretty girl smiled at me. I'm going to count that as "getting some action." I don't blame her, I was wearing my studly Going to the Store outfit (see below).

Oh, my new pillow worked out very nicely by the way.


  1. wonderful.

    I used to go out in public like that until I got married and my wife told me I couldn't anymore. I guess she didn't want me getting action from anyone else.

  2. Garden of Eatin', righteous

  3. somewhere while reading that post, the phrase came to my mind, "feels like chicken" but don't ever repeat that.

  4. so...how was the pillow?

    I need to try those "garden of eatin'" chips.

  5. Oh most studly, that outfit, I can totally see why that girl smiled at you.