Monday, April 16, 2007

They've all conspired to fix on me a frown

If it were somehow possible to communicate one's inner mood simply through facial expression, then I would look something like this:

Incidentally, the above is what it lookes like when you forget to pick me up from the airport and neither you nor anyone else I know bothers to pick up the phone. That happened a few months ago, but it's a close approximation of how I feel right now. You see, my usual chipper mood has been replaced by what can only be described as grumpiness.

But why?

Well, this weekend I discovered that I owe a fair sum of money to the governments. That's a total drag.

Aren't taxes due tomorrow? Maybe if you hadn't waited until the last minute you could have planned for this a little better.

Fine. Lesson learned. Don't pay taxes.

That's not the lesson at all! The lesson is to stop procrastinating.

Well I guess...waitaminute, who are you?

I'm your conscience, B.

Huh. Isn't this a little gimmicky?

As opposed to the hard-hitting journalism this blog has demonstrated so far?


Anyway, in years past I've received a tax return and I was kind of counting on that again. I was going to put that hypothetical money toward a new computer.


Well, here's what happened to my computer a couple weeks ago.

Attacked by viruses and spyware. Non-stop popup ads. Note the one in upper-right corner, advertising the world's largest sex and swingers personals community. I thought they already had that, and that it was called "The Internet."

Ha-Ha, topical humor!

Anyway, I tried to fix it myself, which I'm really not qualified for.

Is there anything you think you can't do?


Is there anything you actually can do?

No. Also, you're an ass.

The situation got worse and worse, until finally my poor little laptop gave up and died late Saturday night. It looked like this:

(actual photo)

Luckily I've backed up most of my data, but there are still some very important files buried somewhere in that broken husk of a laptop. Like 1/4th of my music collection. And my unfinished vampire screenplay. And the map for that treasure I buried. And the launch codes. I desperately hope that those files can be recovered. If not... well I don't even want to think about that.

Sigh. My weekend was all too short, and even though it's perfect Stay-at-Home weather outside I still have to be back at work in my stupid messy cubicle doing my stupid job. I just want to be at home sleeping. Plus some corporate bigwigs are in town all week so I have to be on my best behavior. That means I can't shout out profanity the way I like to, and I have to dress up in a monkey-suit all week.

So that's why I'm grumpy. Who's really to blame for all this? This guy.

Sure, maybe it's crazy to think that the goose is behind all my troubles. But what if I'm right? What if I'm right.

Oooh! What a tragic tale! How will you ever survive? You truly are an inspiration to us all. A real american hero. A man -

Alright alright. Point taken. But It's my blog and I'll whine if I want to.


  1. Conversely, I am receiving an all-time high of $995 from the new democrat-dominated government.

    Instead of wanting to put that money towards a new computer, I am actually going to.

    Have a good week, B.

  2. hmmmmm. My NEW computer is on the fritz too. Rainy days and Mondays always get me down...

  3. I am Jack's sympathetic ear.

    (Tyler Durden, Fight Club. The movie I watched for the 5th time on the weekend b/c it was perfect stay at home weather.)

    Yeh. We owe mega-bucks to the govt. It sucks. They suck.