Thursday, April 19, 2007

B's Travel Guide to Denver, Part I

Half a fortnight ago I sat in a dimly lit Bodega and wove thrilling tales of Denver to any who dared listen. As it happens I am a bottomless well of information when it comes to Denver related travel. I figured it only fair to use my powers as the World's Most Adventurous Blogger to share some of my information with you, gentle reader.

This series is simply a guide to Denver, not of Denver. I can only get you there, after that you're on your own.

Oh, and this guide is mostly for travel from parts west. If you live anywhere east of Denver, then I am of no assistance.

We begin with I-80 Eastbound, also known as the Erickson Trail. This will take you through Salt Lake City, around Park City, and through the mountains crossed so many years ago by the Mormon Pioneers.

Past Park City the scenery gets fairly interesting. Lots of mysterious canyons and red rocks. You also pass by this automobile farm.

Once you cross the border to Wyoming the first town you run into is Evanston. If you need liquor, fireworks, porn, and lottery tickets, this is the place for you. That's why Evanston has been voted The Most Debaucherous City in America twelve years running.

This picture symbolizes the drive through Wyoming. Endless and boring. As soon as you crest the hill on the horizon the scene repeats endlessly.

Squarely in the middle of nowhere lies Little America, a hotel/restaurant/gas station/convenience store/fun center. Make sure to stop by and say hi to this fella.

He does this amazing trick where he holds completely still in a glass box. I talked to him for a bit on one of his smoke breaks. He says he loves Wyoming because it's just as desolate as Antarctica.
Parts of Star Wars were filmed in Wyoming. George Lucas will try to convince you that they were filmed in Africa, but he's a liar and a thief.

Perhaps you've heard of the famous Lincoln Tunnel?

Fort Steel was most unimpressive. The Apaches would have overrun that thing in no time.

Your next five hours will look like this:

Eventually you will approach Laramie, a happenin' college town. Here's a sampling of billboards spotted along the way.
-McDonalds, Next Exit
-Best Western, Kids Stay Free!
-Cavalryman Supper Club, Best Steak in Wyoming!
-Microsurgical Vasectomy Reversal!
Microsurg...huh? Wyoming: Land of Bad Ideas
Speaking of billboards -

A billboard encouraging you to share your meth with your children? I don't approve of that one bit.

On the final run into Colorado I spotted this scene a few times: car pulled over, cops searching through it, handcuffed dude sitting on the side of the road. My advice to you? Keep your beers down.

Sing it with me: "Rocky mountain high, Colorado." Nice mountains, jerks.

At least the gas is cheap.

After long painful hours in the car the city rises from the horizon! Denver ho!

So there you go. Do with this what you will. For my personal feelings about the drive through Wyoming, see the picture below:

Stay tuned for Part II: The Southerly Route


  1. so sad. Wyoming could learn a lot from Utah where parents actually do share their meth with their kids.

  2. Your comment about Little America reminds me of that scene from teh Rocky & Bulwinkle movie where Bulwinkle says "Hey Rocky, you sure we haven't been here before?"

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