Thursday, March 29, 2007

Remember when this happened?

Strap yourself in for a gripping tale of survival and tenacity. A tale so inspiring that I believe you will someday read it again in an e-mail forwarded from your aunt, right alongside pictures of baby animals and stories about young Winston Churchill & Arthur Penicilan.

So I drop a friend off at her car, which is parked at our mutual workplace. I begin the drive home down 3rd West, and just a little bit north of 33rd South (southbound). I see something in the road. A skunk! I don't know about you, but where I come from this is not something you see everyday. I didn't even think skunks really existed. I thought they were the fanciful creation of brilliant cartoon writers. Since skunk sightings are all too rare in my life, and since I have my camera with me, I decide to snap some photos. That's when I realize the horror of the skunk's predicament.

Look closely! THERE'S A CUP ON HIS HEAD!!!

But not just any cup.


Yoplait Creamy Yogurt is so good even giant rodents can't resist!

So I have a dilemna. The poor little guy can't see. It's a busy street, he's going to get hit, and that would be sad. The only thing he did wrong was give in to the tempation if Yoplait. But still, he's a skunk. I don't want to get sprayed. I call my brother Sean. He always knows what to do. After much deliberation he suggests I take off my shirt (so it don't get all stanky) and go for the cup. It's the right thing to do. I wanted to do that because seriously, a shirtless man chasing a skunk with a yogurt cup stuck on its head at one in the morning? Hilarious. I honestly cannot think of anything funnier than that.

Maybe not a good idea though, so I have him get me the number to Animal Control. In case you need it, the number is (801) 269-7499. They're only open M-F from 9-5, so they are worthless to me. I press 4 and the recorded voice gives me a different number. I call that and they transfer me to a woman that asks if it's an emergency, I say "Um...I don't think so." I'm placed on hold. Another woman answers. I explain the situation. I am transferred now to the Highway Patrol. They advise against getting involved with a skunk. I tell them that I'm not looking for a relationship, I just want to help the little critter (ka-zing!). They tell me to drive away because I shouldn't help it and no one else will either because skunks are pests.

Okay fine, I tried my best. I can live with that.

Then the unthinkable happens. A car driving northbound on 3rd West swerves to hit the animal. Swerves to hit it. The animal is motionless. I am completely mortified. I don't see the driver, but I assume he looks like this:

I stare at the skunk. Then miracle of miracles, he gets up! Hooray, the skunk lives to fight another day! But he still has the problem of the cup on his head. Fear not. The ambush by the jerkass in the car has only strengthened Herbert's resolve (oh, by this point I have named the skunk Herbert). He finds his way to the side of the road and climbs a fence. He'll get that cup off yet.

See, he's got a plan. He climbs a little ways up the fence and then jumps down. He's hoping to hook the cup so it comes off.

Third time's the charm. The skunk has risen from the dead and freed himself from the shackles of Yoplait. He is eager to get back to his skunkly activities, so I am unable to get a good photo of the free Herbert, but here's a picture of where he was standing at one point.

The end.


  1. I don't think I know you, but you are a link on a friend's blog and having read your blog I only WISH I knew you.

    Good blog skills

  2. So I was drinking water when I read this post just now. Not a good idea. Out the nose and everything. Thanks. Thanks a lot, B.

  3. SJ - Thank you! No, I don't think we've met. Which blog did you find me from? Hmm, that doesn't sound right...from whom's blog did you find myself? No, that's not better.

    Well you get the idea.

    Joy - you should really know better by now. *wink*

  4. Its heartwarming that you tried to help the little skunk. FYI, telling this story will help you score serious points with da ladies!

  5. just a guess, but I think it's who's blog did you find me from?

    Also, not sure how I found you now, but you seem to be on several of my friends blogs. Coulda been Thunderfist, Jefe, or Dainon. One o' those dudes.

  6. oh, B.

    and its not even my birthday or anything.

  7. Can I get your permission to use this story for a relief society lesson?

    ('cause yoplait)

  8. A story of true perseverance and inspiration.

    The good people at Yoplait must immediately make their cups skunk proof.

    ... and put a large sum of green folding into the "Skunks Without Yoghurt" trust fund, and encourage their corporate colleagues to do the same.

    Oh... and sj, it would be "whose". "who's" would be "who is", which is that sentence doesn't make much sense at all.

  9. Poor Herbert. He was only after a free hat.

  10. Can you post a photo of the skunk on

    Thank you!

  11. I've been quietly stalking your blog since a friend sent me the link to your new moon review.

    Am now just getting home from being out drinking too much and read this...

    I'm probably gonna barf from laughing so hard.

    Thanks a lot.

  12. The skunk has a cup on its head!

  13. Where have you been my whole net-surfing life? I stumbled upon your New Moon review and that was it for me. I'm hooked i tell ya, hooked.