Monday, September 17, 2007

The Slings and Arrows of Outrageously Mis-Spent Fortune

Couldn't wait to get out of the office on Friday. Rough week, probably. I had no plans as I walked out that door, but luckily some adventuring happened with minimal effort on my part.

First up, dinner at the Navajo Hogan. I've never been there but I've driven past it time o' plenty. A lot of my friends rave about it, but I know that one time Lee found a grub in his food there so I was a bit hesitant.

Upon walking in the air was thick and heavy with the scent of deep frying. I got the cheese flatbread because I'm worried that my cholesterol might be too low.

It was plenty tasty. Afterward someone had the bright idea to go to the Nickelcade.

The skies overhead were tumultuous. Michelle "Ron" Hoon tried to get struck by lightning in the parking lot. I'm worried about her.

Nickelcade isn't quite as fun as I remember. It's been at least ten years since I've last been and I fully expected them to have the same games as last time. I was really hoping for TMNT and maybe Twilight Zone pinball, but it was not to be.

They did have Cruis'n World, a driving game I'm fond of (though I still prefer Cruis'n USA). I got bored after a while but since it was only ten cents a game I was determined to ride it out.

Are you ready for something wonderful?

The last race takes place in Miami. I won that race, and upon winning the magic happened.

A helicopter came and picked up my car with a giant magnet.

Then it put my car into the space shuttle.

It dropped my car off on the moon.

On the moon was a hot tub.

In the hot tub was a man, with two bikini ladies.

The man? President Bill Clinton.

The ladies? Paula Jones and Hillary Clinton.

Then the hot tub zoomed off into space.


I cashed in my ill-gotten tickets for the following spoils:

But what I really wanted was this.

After Nickelcade, how about some archery why not?

Chris bought a sweet bow on ebay and we went over to The Budd to test it out for the first time.

Coincidentally enough, the Budd's backyard was perfect because the stack of bricks (!?) and the errant battle axe (?!) made it reminiscent of Helm's Deep. If you're into that sort of thing.

Awwwwww, even lil' Gretel wants in on the archery action.

After archery some events transpired that now prevent me from claiming to be the Tecmo Bowl Champion of the Budd. I'm not willing to say that I "lost" the title per se, but it is definitely under dispute. Check back next week and I'm sure we will have a definitive answer.

s-s-s-Saturday night went to a wedding reception for a homeboy named Jed. He is the world's leading advocate for the Positive Energy Vibe Zone and also designed my very favorite t-shirt that I wear all the time.

In fact before the reception I was wearing that very t-shirt but Emily was dressed to the nines and looking good enough to stop a truck (like the one on the t-shirt, get it?????) so I went home and threw on a dress shirt and my blue velvet jacket which looks totally rad. Upon seeing this Chris, ever the wiseacre, cracked "Are you going to a velvet jacket convention?" Right then Andy walked in wearing his black velvet jacket so I guess the answer was yes.

The reception was in a barn so I guess it was casual anyway but whatever.

After some too long square dancing called by a fascist square-dance caller (I declined to participate) we got into a too long argument about who the modern day equivalent of Paul Simon would be. We never reached a conclusion.

Oh! A shout it to two of my favorite people, Tai and Kersten. I was surprised and delighted to see them at the reception after an absense of a few years. They said that they read the blog so, hey guys!

Outside under the watchful eye of this creepy faceless disgustingly-bearded limp bodied creature, I declared my intentions to throw down (provided I could arrange a dedicated driver).
Plans were quickly made, dropped off my car, and off we went to Hog Wallow, my favorite bar in the valley, although this is the second time I've been borked over by them.

Doorman, who no doubt answers to the name of Bro: "Just need to see your IDs guys. Also it's a $7 cover tonight. Also there's no waitress so you have to grab your drinks from the bar. Also the beer is out of bubbles. And the ladies room is out of service. And now the cover's $9, you waited too long."

So we bounced on out of there. After some discussion of where to go next, we settled on Zanzibar, a red-lit Jazz club sandwiched between a lingerie shop and a movie theater/pub. Zanzibar is a cool place, but the loud music makes talking difficult. Once Jed showed up we went over to Brewvies (play on words, that) so we could engage in conversation.

I said I wanted to throw down, and I threw down. I was already lit by the time we left Zanzibar, but at Brewvies I left the group and went to the bar and spent like an hour trying to order some beer and food. Win-win for everyone, as I'm sure by that point my conversational skills were... lacking. I ended up downing too liters of Guinness served by a girl named Mandolin. Also had some amazing artichoke dip that for all I know was actually terrible but it sure tasted good that night.

I made it home but was seeing quadruple, like a cartoon character after getting hit on the head. For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to respond to an e-mail from Joy and sent this:

"omg am so spnny rfight now. no idea what has type. speed racer a minute ago i was like 'what i sth it s stpeed racer browsr I dunno" but now I am like joy has sent it " o geez I gota go a bed"

Here's a picture.

Does it sound like I'm glorifying alcohol abuse? HARDLY! For you see, Sunday I engaged in battle with the worst hangover anyone has ever had throughout history. I think you are allowed only so many hangover-free drinking experiences in your lifetime, and my credit limit is full. The spinning, the headache, the sick feeling. Awful! Really no way to live. No matter what I did, it wouldn't go away and lasted all day long. Really one of the worst feelings ever.

I guess that's it. I'll end with some applicable lyrics from the song "Take Me to the Riot" off of the new Stars album (which is amazing by the way).

Saturday nights in neon lights
Sundays in the cell
Pills enough to make me feel ill
Cash enough to make me well

If I knew how I'd post the song here.


  1. You are under strict instructions to please write me each and every time you throw down.

    That is all.

  2. Sounds like a groovin' weekend.