Wednesday, August 29, 2007

bells

I complain about the local news a lot, but there's one way in which it never lets me down. When there is any sort of unconventional wedding out there, I am the first to know about it.

"Who cares about the War anyway? What's this? Two theme park enthusiasts got married on a roller coaster? Whaaaaa? No way. No. Way. This I gotta see to belie- oh man there's footage! He's wearing a tux on a roller coaster! Ahahahahaha! Out-rageous!"

I've also seen skydive weddings and underwater scuba weddings and vows exchanged on a golf course. I've even seen a man marry himself (Dennis Rodman). There is nothing left that can possibly impress me.

So in Googling for a picture of some kind of crazy wedding, I observed an trend that I've been coming up against a lot lately. Now, everyone knows that no matter what you're searching for you're gonna end up with porn. It's a fact of life in today's internet. Doesn't matter how innocuous your search is. Look for a picture of "toast" and the results are going to be 17% porn.

But the thing that's been bothering me lately is that when Googling for regular things I'm getting a lot of pictures of horrible injuries. Terrible, grievous injuries. All I want is toast and wacky weddings and the Transporter 2 and maybe I've heard that I have a friend (you don't know him) who doesn't mind when porn comes up, but I don't need to see the results of unsafe driving. I'm starting to have nightmares here. Geez louise. Gotta be someone I can complain to about this. I guess I can turn the safe search on, but that might block something I really urgently need, like a picture of a fat Spiderman.

Incidentally, I was not able to find a good wacky wedding picture. I found some old fashioned wedding pictures where the people looked goofy and outdated, but they were all from those peoples' personal blogs and I didn't feel right mocking people that just want to share their love with the world.

By the way, if you're looking for a picture of a Star Wars Wedding the world is your oyster

Let's see how many new visitors I get now from people searching for Star Wars Weddings. Half of the people that visit this blog found it by looking for ways to clean their microsuede. By typing that out just now I've probably made it worse. Sorry that I can't help you clean your microsuede. You shouldn't have thrown up on it in the first place. I'm looking at you, Calgary.

7 comments:

  1. Hey I'm looking to get my suede suit cleaned for an upcoming Star Wars themed wedding?

    A little help please....

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  2. Sometime will you show me how to see what search terms brought people to your blog?

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  3. Kudos to Koda!!!

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  4. Koda, marinara sauce works wonders for removing pesky stains from your Tattooine farmboy smock.

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  5. Thanks B!

    The coffee stains are no more!

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  6. Anyone have any suggestions on removal of Marinara stains?

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