The Old Man of the Forest

Besides cheese, orangutans are my favorite thing that is orange. The picture above should be reason enough alone, but I'll elaborate.

Orangutans are the smartest animal, next to humans. They're way way way smarter than chimps. A chimp will rip your face off, while an orangutan will help you with your chess game. From wikipedia:

Perhaps its most famous use [of the Sokolsky Opening or "Orangutan Opening] came in the game Tartakower–Maroczy, New York 1924.[1] The name "Orangutan Opening" originates from that game: the players had visited the zoo the previous day, and Tartakower had consulted an orangutan there about what move he should open with the next day.

Orangutans can't swim and don't like the rain, so when it rains they make themselves little hats.

They're highly emotional critters. They smile, laugh, play, mope. Just like us!

Snakes are very deadly to orangutans. Because of their natural curiosity the apes can't help but mess with snakes. Normally their mothers teach them to fear snakes, but orphan oranguantans have to be conditioned to avoid reptiles. Their human handlers will leave a rubber snake lying out in the forest, and when the ape approaches it the humans jump out and yell. Orangutans are fast learners so this trick usually works.

Still, because of predators like snakes and the fact walking on the ground is just kinda awkward, orangutans prefer to spend most of their time in the trees, not bothering anybody.

Another very interesting thing about orangutans is that they can speak, they just choose not to because they're afraid we'll make them get jobs. That's the last thing they want. Here's one watching the Office.

The best show on television is Animal Planet's Orangutan Island. It follows a group of orphaned orangutans being reintroduced to life in the wild and forming a little society. The island breaks new ground because typically the apes are loners, but they've been forced to form social constructs and so far it's working very well. The show airs Friday nights but I always watch it Saturday mornings, often more than once. I like these orangutans better than most human characters.

This is Donald. He reminds me of me. He's an agreeable fellow, but is still trying to figure life out. He's also suffering from premature male pattern baldness.

This is Jordan. Poor little Jordan. Before being rescued he was part of an illegal circus where he was forced to box other orangutans. Because of this he never learned to interact normally and he's an outcast. Also he has a constantly runny nose.

Saturnus. My favorite. He's friendly and full of bravado. He does things his own way and often fails at everything, but that never stops him from trying.

Another favorite, Cha-Cha. Look at her hair! It's like she's wearing an orangutan suit over her regular fur. She was the most outgoing orangutan back at baby school, but upon arriving at the Island she became sad and withdrawn, missing the human interaction. She's gotten better though. She's always smiling and loves to roll around in the mud.

The whole thing is overseen by my hero, Lone Dröscher-Nielsen. She's a Dane. I pretend to be a Dane sometimes.

I'm even considering going back to school to be a monkey scientist.

No, not like that. I mean a scientist that studies monkeys. I mean apes.

I hope you've enjoyed this infotainment.