- Sea monkeys are the most disappointing kind of monkey.
- Food has a way of rolling away from me. Especially round food.
- When I watch the Wire while ironing I call it Wironing.
- Whenever tv characters are talking about baseball one of them says "What they really need is pitching."
- Haircut dialogue:
"Do you know who Eddie Murphy is?"
"Yeah, of course."
"He's a good man."