Monday, May 21, 2007

Would you care to know what I did for my three-day weekend?

Thursday Night
  • ate part of a Hot n' Ready
  • drank a dead man's beer
  • wrote a blues song about drinking a dead man's beer

Okay, I didn't really drink a dead man's beer. But the opportunity was there. Also, don't you think that would make a great blues song? I'm not talking about that Chicago style blues music, the kind that goes "I got the blues! I got the blues so bad!" but that spooky Southern blues.

  • Vacuumed.
  • Went to Target, bought t-shirt, looked for ipod speakers (unsuccessful).
  • Went to Car-Max to give my friend a ride after he sold his car.
  • Ate a Costco hot dog even though my membership has expired. Take that, Costco!
  • Saw Pan's Labyrinth. Good movie. Later I looked up the Spanish Civil War on wikipedia but I didn't bother to read the entry because it was too long, much as this entry has turned out to be.
  • But did you know that the guy playing the Faun in Pan's Labyrinth is the same guy that played Mac Tonight in the old McDonald's commercials? Whenever I see Utah Jazzman Andrei Kirilenko I think of Mac Tonight. Also that same guy was Tom Cruise's hand-double in Interview with the Vampire.
  • (That thing I mentioned about Interview with the Vampire is foreshadowing).
  • Fondue at The Melting Pot. A complicated experience that was kind of fun but the waitress was rude. Also I drank an appletini.
  • (I ordered the appletini as a joke. I would never drink something so froofy.
  • (it tasted really good though)


  • Ridiculous Purchase Adventure Day!
  • What if I told you there was a store. A store where you could buy batteries, DVD copies of The Matrix Revolutions, cases of Shasta, almost expired canned goods, teethpaste, Nicaraguan basketball jerseys, floppy disks, giant novelty scissors, a Brett Favre autographed photo, a porcelain statue of Moses (next to a porcelain statue of Mr. Spock), a set of Presidential pocket knives, a wooden carving of a nude woman's torso, and a sky-blue Western cut suit with Ostrich-skin epaulets? Would you believe me that such a store exists? Well it does.
  • After leaving that store, visited the Latino Mall. I didn't know it existed until we drove by. Really one of the nicest malls I've ever seen, but they don't have any cool stores.
  • Next stop, some cowboy store. Tried to convince my geologist friend to buy a duster and a cowboy hat.
  • Another cowboy store. Tried on some cowboy shirts but it turns out they're not for me.
  • Saw a prostitute conducting a negotiation on State St.
  • Went to a vintage clothing store, nearly bought a pair of emerald-green loafers but they didn't have my size. I didn't end up purchasing anything during Ridiculous Purchase Adventure Day, but one of my associates got a pair of snakeskin boots.
  • Attended a Roller Derby competition. Did not compete.
  • Saw Hot Fuzz at the drive-in, drank Mexican Soda.
  • ("Mexican Soda" is not a euphemism, but it sounds like it could be. "Hey Jimmy guess what? This Big Gulp is half Fanta, half Tequila!" "Well you got yourself a Mexican Soda there.")
  • Made biscuits.
  • (didn't actually make them, but I assisted in the gathering of the ingredients).
  • Watched the last half of Signs.
  • (Spoiler: Mel Gibson dislikes Jews).
  • Sat in a sweat-lodge with one of my favorite associates and watched the first half of Interview with the Vampire. I'd never seen it before, but I did read part of the book. Furthermore, the plantation where Brad Pitt lived for the first part of the movie? I have totally been there!


  • Some light yard-work. But I live in a yardless apartment! How is this possible? The answer, my friends, is Science.
  • Watched the first half of the big game while laundering my t-shirts (gentle cycle, cold water)
  • Relocated, watched the second half of the big game.
  • Relocated, laundered the whites, took a terrible and spiteful nap.
  • Relocated, made waffles.
  • Went to the store, saw a guy with a t-shirt advertising the Adam Sandler film The Waterboy.
  • Relocated, watched Sopranos and Entourage.

The end.


  1. I have to ask, how can a nap be terrible and spiteful?

  2. and I have to ask, did you really drink a dead man's beer? what did he die of? where is he now? did you bury him? if not, why not? so many questions. enquiring minds need to know. should i call someone? does the dead man need a paramedic? did he have a dog who now needs a new home?

  3. so many allusions to liquor. Seems it was adventurous even with the tee-totalling, but oh, how much more fun you might have been with a dead man's beer in your belly

  4. Dancing Morgan Mouse - Exactly! Naps are supposed to be refreshing and enjoyable. I guess you just have to experience a terrible and spiteful nap before you can really understand. Imagine you're sleeping in an overhead baggage compartment, and then you are suddenly awoken and forced to go dig a ditch in the hot sun. That's what it felt like.

    Caw - It's a long story, involving a sleepy little town and a bottle full of broken dreams.

    SJ - Hmmm, perhaps as an experiment I will repeat the same activities this weekend, but with the added benefit of being liquored up. I will report my findings.

  5. Excellent (slowly tapping fingers together in a creepy Mr. Burns manner)