Would you care to know what I did for my three-day weekend?

Thursday Night

• ate part of a Hot n' Ready
• drank a dead man's beer
• wrote a blues song about drinking a dead man's beer

Okay, I didn't really drink a dead man's beer. But the opportunity was there. Also, don't you think that would make a great blues song? I'm not talking about that Chicago style blues music, the kind that goes "I got the blues! I got the blues so bad!" but that spooky Southern blues.

Friday

• Vacuumed.
• Went to Target, bought t-shirt, looked for ipod speakers (unsuccessful).
• Went to Car-Max to give my friend a ride after he sold his car.
• Ate a Costco hot dog even though my membership has expired. Take that, Costco!
• Saw Pan's Labyrinth. Good movie. Later I looked up the Spanish Civil War on wikipedia but I didn't bother to read the entry because it was too long, much as this entry has turned out to be.
• But did you know that the guy playing the Faun in Pan's Labyrinth is the same guy that played Mac Tonight in the old McDonald's commercials? Whenever I see Utah Jazzman Andrei Kirilenko I think of Mac Tonight. Also that same guy was Tom Cruise's hand-double in Interview with the Vampire.
• (That thing I mentioned about Interview with the Vampire is foreshadowing).
• Fondue at The Melting Pot. A complicated experience that was kind of fun but the waitress was rude. Also I drank an appletini.
• (I ordered the appletini as a joke. I would never drink something so froofy.
• (it tasted really good though)

Saturday

• Ridiculous Purchase Adventure Day!
• What if I told you there was a store. A store where you could buy batteries, DVD copies of The Matrix Revolutions, cases of Shasta, almost expired canned goods, teethpaste, Nicaraguan basketball jerseys, floppy disks, giant novelty scissors, a Brett Favre autographed photo, a porcelain statue of Moses (next to a porcelain statue of Mr. Spock), a set of Presidential pocket knives, a wooden carving of a nude woman's torso, and a sky-blue Western cut suit with Ostrich-skin epaulets? Would you believe me that such a store exists? Well it does.
• After leaving that store, visited the Latino Mall. I didn't know it existed until we drove by. Really one of the nicest malls I've ever seen, but they don't have any cool stores.
• Next stop, some cowboy store. Tried to convince my geologist friend to buy a duster and a cowboy hat.
• Another cowboy store. Tried on some cowboy shirts but it turns out they're not for me.
• Saw a prostitute conducting a negotiation on State St.
• Went to a vintage clothing store, nearly bought a pair of emerald-green loafers but they didn't have my size. I didn't end up purchasing anything during Ridiculous Purchase Adventure Day, but one of my associates got a pair of snakeskin boots.
• Attended a Roller Derby competition. Did not compete.
• Saw Hot Fuzz at the drive-in, drank Mexican Soda.
• ("Mexican Soda" is not a euphemism, but it sounds like it could be. "Hey Jimmy guess what? This Big Gulp is half Fanta, half Tequila!" "Well you got yourself a Mexican Soda there.")
• Made biscuits.
• (didn't actually make them, but I assisted in the gathering of the ingredients).
• Watched the last half of Signs.
• (Spoiler: Mel Gibson dislikes Jews).
• Sat in a sweat-lodge with one of my favorite associates and watched the first half of Interview with the Vampire. I'd never seen it before, but I did read part of the book. Furthermore, the plantation where Brad Pitt lived for the first part of the movie? I have totally been there!

Sunday

• Some light yard-work. But I live in a yardless apartment! How is this possible? The answer, my friends, is Science.
• Watched the first half of the big game while laundering my t-shirts (gentle cycle, cold water)
• Relocated, watched the second half of the big game.
• Relocated, laundered the whites, took a terrible and spiteful nap.
• Relocated, made waffles.
• Went to the store, saw a guy with a t-shirt advertising the Adam Sandler film The Waterboy.
• Relocated, watched Sopranos and Entourage.

The end.