Tuesday, July 31, 2007

have a pint

This is one of my favorite beverages.

Wait, let's pizazz this up a bit.

There, that's better. Guinness Draught. Mmmmm-mmmm. Two days after my 21st birthday the gang (none of whom I've kept in touch with anymore except for Emily B and even then it's only like twice a year) all took me to a local saloon called Junior's Tavern. I liked it. Quaint little poorly lit smoky place with a chalkboard in the bathroom. Junior's has since relocated and now it's less like "Junior's" and more like "June-yahs!" That is, it's all hoity-toitied up.

For my first drink as a 21 year old, and in fact my first drink ever, I ordered a Guinness from the tap. Everyone was surprised by this choice. Guinness is black, thick. Certainly daunting to the untrained eye. Truth is that Guinness is one of the mildest beers around. It's smooth and creamy with minimal bitterness. I love it.

Guinness Draught in a bottle or can holds up surprisingly well, although from the tap is ideal. Best I've ever had was in Austin, Texas of all places.

Anyway, we're not here to talk about Guinness. We're here to talk about Malta.

Last week I was rolling about town with famous blogger The Mediocre Gatsby when we stopped by the Afro-Caribbean Supermarket (a small room in a strip-mall selling hair extensions and unlabeled bags of weird herbs). I found this in the small cooler by the cash register.

There's the familiar Guinness name and the harp logo, but what is this? Goodness, Energy, Vitality? All things I could use more of. And I'm no doctor but extra vitamins of the B-Complex can't be a bad thing. Furthering my interest is the fine print mentioning that it's brewed and bottled in Ghana. You know that old saying: If made in Ghana, drink it Downa.

The bottle sat in my fridge for some time as I was a bit nervous to drink it.

For some reason last night just felt right, so it was party time.

If I had to describe the smell in one word, that word would be "not good." Imagine dry oatmeal, sprinkled with powdery chocolate malt, mixed in with cat food, covered in milk, and left out in the sun for three days.

And the taste?

Well, the taste is not as appealing as the smell. I try my darndest to knock back a couple more gulps, but it doesn't get any better.

So, Malta Guinness, good on ya!

And the end result.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Wonderful post. Your story telling makes even a small event like having a drink wildly entertaining.

  3. Factoid: Vitamin B-12 deficiency is a mosquito attractant. You say they drink this in the Caribbean? Well, there ya go.

    Also, I hate to be a party pooper, but check this out.


  4. Beer, especially from a can, is like pee, the pee of someone who ate an apple and then it formented in their belly and they peed it out. and you have to drink a lot of it in Utah for the buzz.

  5. there are non-beers "malta" as well.

    They taste like grapenuts with no sugar, but in watery form.

    They say it is a taste you "get used to"

    I want to eat things that taste good, not that I will "get used to"

  6. Sean, it's true. I am pretty great.

    SJ, untrue! Well, maybe true 90% of the time. But the other 10%? Oh yesssss.

    Damian, yeah I looked up Malta and there's like a hundred different brands out there. I guess in those hot n' humid lands they drink it for refreshment. You're right, "you'll get used to it" just isn't enough for me.

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