don't do too much glue, or your life sucks

Remember this?

chck-ih-chck-chck, chck-ih-chck-chck, chck-ih-check it out.

I handed out candy to the lil' tykes, and I was shocked (SHOCKED!) to see how much they love Jolly Ranchers and Smarties. I'd hold out a bucket filled with all manner of Butterfinger and Snicker, but the kids would root around in there for Jolly Ranchers and Smarties. The sad thing is the Smarties were actually Smartie shaped Sweet Tarts. Which is strange because I have three pounds of Smarties saved in the basement for emergencies. I don't even like Smarties.

Halloween yeah. Weird night. This boss guy Hinkman sent me to the land of Thieves and Ghosts to sign a big client, and the client ended up being a dracula. Also there was pizza and a huge dog (likely a dire wolf). I might be remembering that wrong. I think Becky has a more accurate account on her thing. Also of note is that I made the best joke in the world. The one joke to rule them all. It shall not be repeated.

This blog is non-linear. So let's go back to Wednesday, when I saw the World Champion trampolining team perform surrounded by a Jazz game.


These guys are in the Guinness Book of World Records. Up and down they go, bound only by the limits of gravity and imagination.

Saturday I experienced laughs, unconventional chili, and excessive Rice Krispie treats. Then I stopped by the noise hole and saw a Band of Actuals and ran into Ashley >>>>> and Iris >>>>>. Which leads me to my next point.

You see, I can't go anywhere without running into Friends of Microsuede. That makes me an internet celebrity. As a celebrity, the one thing I care about more than anything is that you vote. I'm going to be all forceful about it, just like my pals Harry Ford and Shilo LaBeuf and Billy Ripken. VOTE! IF YOU DON'T VOTE YOU DON'T DESERVE TO WALK THIS EARTH!

You probably know who I'm supporting for President. You may think your vote doesn't count here in Utah (you're right). However, if you're an Obama supporter you still need to vote. He won't get our five electorals, but you can still make a statement. I'm so excited to vote for Obama that I'm going to wake up early. Me! Early! If you're a McCain supporter you should vote too, because voting rules and you get a sticker.

Also, I'd like to take this time to officially endorse the Zoo and the Aviary. I don't remember the names of the propositions, but you should definitely vote for them. Or against them. Whichever one helps the Zoo and Aviary. I'm not sure if there's anything on the ballot regarding the Leonardo, but if there is you should probably vote for that too. Maybe write it in. Go team.

pick it up

I wonder how many jokers are dressed like Joe the Plumber today. Likewise I wonder how many blue collar workers are dressed as the Joker today. My guess is, lots.

I'm boycotting Halloween this year, apparently. I totally forgot to put up my one Halloween decoration, Dapper Skeleton.

I'm not even attempting a costume this year. Being all dressed up with nowhere to go is bad enough when you're just wearing your favorite party shirt, but it's even worse when you're Fat Spiderman.

I haven't any plans tonight, but in a pinch I could pull this off pretty easily. My Halloween rule is that the costume has to include spectacles. And if there's one thing I'm good at, and I mean really good at, it's standing around with my hands in my pockets and smirking.

you forgot rule number 12 of vampire hunting

I had a three day weekend, if you don't count that I worked on Saturday. My weekend was literally packed with action! Thursday night I broke from work just as the sun made it's slow creep down the western sky o'er the lone prairie. The last rays of light shone through the watchtower of the Grand America. What a grand swath of land this is.

Thursday night I did something, but I have no idea what it was. I could take a look at my notes but that feels like cheating. Whatever I did I'm sure it was grand.

Friday morning. What's this?


I donned my poker attire and made my way to a friendly high stakes game of Puerto Rican Rubdown.

Okay you got me. That's not really me playing poker, that's me acting. I was involved in a film shoot for a dramatic poker video. My character's name was "Bryton." He was a successful internet card sharp just now making the leap into the live game. As you can tell from the picture, he's a total bad ass.

Everyone had a good luck card protector thing. Mine was this little car. I fidgeted with it as though it were a computer mouse. Acting.


Good times. Big thx to Bryan for has gib me joerb.

Poker!


Friday night Iris (new Microsuede character) and I went to the Urban Lounge to see a band called the Black Angels. After the show we got our picture taken with the singer.


Saturday night I went back to The Bud after a long exile. Scotty's Halloween collection has multiplied ten fold. The new centerpiece is this screaming radioactive mummy.


From supernatural to supernaturally delicious. Look at this bun. Look at it! Is it not the finest bun you have ever seen? It's flawless. Like Lake Placid on a still autumn day.



"Hey B., do you want to a show tonight? It's this French woma-"

"Yes."

The band is called Yelle. French electro dancy synth music.


"Solt Lek Seetee! Ahhhhh yeu rea-dy teu dahnz?"

Fortunately we were. That's probably why most of us were there.


This girl Julie. She's got stage presence. I think she has a crush on me too.


Oh wait, I've lost track of the where she went. Can someone help me out here?


Ah, thanks Mr. Alien Hands.

does it sound like i'm ordering a pizza?

See, we have this restaurant we go to for events with the Sampson side of the family. It's a long story, involving gift certificates and tigers. But we always go there. It's called Madeline's, named after Secretary Albright.



Here's the thing about this sign...

I think it's supposed to imply that the gentleman for whom the sign applies hunts often. But really, everyone hunts on days that end in Y. I went hunting once in 1994, so I could also say that I only hunt on days that end in Y.

Here's Mikey posing with the stupid Lincoln Towncar.

I never told that story, but my car was sabotaged, probably by a Gila Monster, and needed two weeks in the shop. My insurance covered the rental but all they had was this thing. I was embarrassed to be seen in it. What am I, a seventy year old man? Plus, the luxury. Don't even get me started on the luxury of it all.

Dudes, I am soooo good at pin ball. Especially when the ball moves really slow.


I worked Saturday and Sunday and experienced technical difficulties. I was on the phone with our IT guys for hours as I ran around the building finding strategically placed bits of technology and trying to repair them using only sweat and force of will. It was a lot like Die Hard. Actually, it was exactly like Die Hard. Look at what I had to deal with?


yeah.

pardon our mess

Gack! I've accidentally hit "publish" twice on an entry that wasn't ready yet. You'll see them if you're using google reader. Please disregard and check back later today.

Maybe it's time for me to get out of the Game. The Game of Blogging. I'm getting slow on the draw. Or I guess, too quick on the draw.

I could retire... set up a nice website somewhere, get myself a Tamagotchi for companionship.

Every once in a while some young punk looking to make a name for himself will stop by, click on "contact us."

"They say you used to be a blogger. They say you used to be the best."

-"You got the wrong guy, kid. I don't do that anymore. I ask you now to please move along. I have to ask a second time, won't be so polite."

"Just what I thought. You're nothing but a wash up. I guess I'll let you get back to your Gateway computer to check your AOL account."

[B. sets his jaw]

-"Kid."

"What?"

[B. uploads a picture of John McCain and adds his own hilarious caption. The younger man is stunned. He's never seen anyone use a macbook track-pad that fast.]

-"Whoever told you I used to be the best was wrong. I'm still the best. Now I ask you again, move along."




That was a pretty good story. I call it Unforgiven.

in the meantime...

you will believe in God

of plumbers and politicians

Did you see the final Presidential debate? McCain would not shut up about that Plumber guy. He thinks that the Plumber represents the average American, but it just shows that he's still 8-Bit in a 360 world.

And yes, yes, Mario is a great man. A true American hero. Nevertheless, King Koopa never posed a direct threat to the United States. And his so-called "Weapons of Mass Destruction" were nothing more than bullets with large biceps and plants that spit tiny slow-moving fireballs.

Then you've got Mario's running mate, who poses herself as the spokeswoman for Joe Toadstool, even though she's extremely wealthy. Go ahead and ask her how many castles she has. I bet she doesn't even know.

third base!

I've been watching a lot of baseball lately. You probably know this. The problem with watching a lot of anything is that you end up watching a lot of commercials. The same ones, over and over again. Commercials that are irritating the first time grow exponentially irritating with each viewing. Like the Giant Umbrella commercial. I hate it. Such a misguided attempt at whimzy and wonderment. Then there's that ad for some new fancy tv, where the guy is like, "You don't have to be an astrophysicist to understand this fancy tv, but I am an astrophysicist so gaze upon my giant face." You know the one I'm talking about? With this guy?


Whatever. Go Rays.

Saturday I went to a fundraiser for Obama, featuring all you can eat sushi and all you take stickers.


Just kidding, it was one sticker per person, strictly enforced. This guy Rob, a fairly pivotal figure in my history, is a big time sushi guy. He's been rolling rice for years.


From Rob according to his ability, to me according to my needs.

Doesn't this look good? It's like fresh ripe fruit. Fresh ripe fruit made out of a tuna.


The great thing about having a blog is that you can post overly flattering pictures of yourself to make the world think you're cool. Like this one of me eating a brownie.


After the brownie I washed my hands in the BATHROOM OF INFINITY!


Snow (snow!) had just started to fall as I was leaving. I captured some in the headlights of my white Lincoln Towncar.

What? I drive a white Lincoln Towncar now.