please standby

Technical Difficulties are preventing me from updating the Microsuede as planned.

Please return later this evening to read about my fantastic adventures in the mythical city of Chicago.

griddle

B. enters, wearing a new plaid Western shirt.

Mikey: "Hey what are you doing here - uh, whoa. What are you wearing? Are you looking for some pancakes?"

B. "Huh? Pancakes?"

Mikey: "Well, you just look like a guy who could use a big stack of pancakes."

it's time i got back, it's time i got back, and i don't even know how i got off the track

What? You'll have to speak louder, because I can't hear you. I'll explain later.

Action packed weekend. Friday night was the Bees home opener, and you know how I love the Bees (don't you? is anyone even paying attention here?)

Beautiful night for a ballgame, except for the part where it was 30 degrees.



It was a fun game. The crowd was into it, and there was a lot of scoring. (both on the field and off, if you know what I mean!)

The Bees ended up losing for the first time this year, which I blame on poor fielding, and also poor pitching. Best heckle of the night, courtesy of Lee: "Nice catch, idiot!"

I should mention that I could have been killed by a foul ball. None ever came our way, but still.

Afterward me n' Lee had a very pleasant dinner at the Training Table. Bleu Bacon Burger and Cheese Fries. Not to be dramatic, but I could have died of a heart attack.

Huh?

That's funny because I've always called music "a bleu bacon burger to your ears."

Saturday I did a lot of moving. My stuff, Chris's stuff, a little of Emily's stuff, more of my stuff. If I had to describe the day in one word it would be "sweaty." Maybe I could have been crushed to death by furniture.

Daniel and Scott had been calling for adventure all day, so finally a group of us saddled up and headed down I-80 west, Tooele bound.

Here Scott (professional geologist) explains something about landslides.

The route takes us past the Big Salt Lake in all its majestic glory.

Tooele County is where my pappy done come from, so I'm a little bit familiar with it. It has everything you could ever need. A haunted valley, a mysterious military base, nuclear waste, toxic nerve gas, chemical weapons bunkers, underground fires, the new Area 51, and a very spicy pickle.

More importantly, there's a lot of open country for the discharging of firearms.

Conversation in a gas station in Stockton, UT (pop. 443):

"Is there a good place around here to go shooting?"

"Shootin'?"

The fella was a little perplexed by the question because really the whole county is one big shootin'. gallery.

We drove into the desert along the Old Mormon Trail, the same trail the pioneers used when they wanted to go shootin'.

By the time we found a good spot the sun was heading downward.

Luckily we found an area that had a pre-made foxhole full of shootables. Like a half-empty propane tank.

Scott got a new handgun recently. A .40. Same kind of gun a lot of cops use. It's really fun to shoot, but at the very instant this photo was taken I went deaf in my left ear.

Ear protection should always be used, kids. I'm a little better now. For a while everything sounded like it was coming from a broken radio and the ringing was non-stop. It's weird though, when I touch my ear it feels like it's numb. I'll give it a few more days before panicking.

Camera phone in one hand, gun in the other. Weird.

Lee had some fun taking shots.
We finally decided to shoot at the propane tank from about fifty yards away with Scott's Soviet SKS. We hid behind the car (fearing explosion) while Scott plunked away at it.

It didn't explode so we all took turns. I'm such a good shot I didn't even need to look.

Kapow!

We stopped shooting because we ran out of bullets.

Next on the agenda? Why food and sports of course!

Tooele has a dance-club/sport-bar called Tracks. Don't be fooled by it's location! It's very hard to get to. There was a time it seemed that we would never make it, and that not even Barabus could save us. Finally it was within reach.

We settled in to watch the last quarter of the Jazz game. I was watching the middle tv.

Everything was cool until they made us switch tables so they could clear out the dance floor. We left some time later and there was no dancing occurring.

Sunday, more moving. Also had the family over for grilling and the goose didn't even bother me too much.

I guess I haven't really talked about moving much on the blog. Anyway, I'm moving. Here I am building my bed.

Baseball? Guns? Tools? I feel so manly right now. Totally cancels out the messenger bag and my general spaziness and the fact that I'm unclear on how to jumpstart a car.

capital gains

I won't say how, but I have recently acquired $130.92. What should I spend it on?

rejuvenated rocketship

Hi. Long time since I've updated. I'm not dead, I haven't been stoned to death. All I'll say is, the internet is a helluva place to lose a cow.

Just in case you were thinking I wasn't an idiot, yesterday my car broke down. Turns out I ran out of gas. Then once I finally filled it up I noticed it was running very sluggishly the rest of the day. Turns out the emergency brake was on. To be fair, my indicator lights indicated neither.

Friday night the Utah Jazz embarrassed the Spurs of Saint Antoine's. Which reminds me, I went to a game earlier this week.

I get so embarrassed by in-game entertainment. Does anyone enjoy this stuff?

"Larry! I've got it!"

"How can we lose with Jazzbots on the team?"

"Um... is that legal?"

"There's nothing in the rulebook that says a time-travelling robot can't play small forward."

"Why do they have to be time travelling?"

"Because basketball playing robots haven't been invented yet, duh."


Here Mikey enjoys a snack.

You can't spell "Microsuede" without "blurry photography."

We won!



After Friday's game we watched Plan 9 from Outer Space, which I have never seen.

It's pretty great. The best part is that the majority of the movie is just people standing around talking a lot.

And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future.

Then we watched some Mystery Science Theater 3000, a cult classic that I have also never seen. This installment was The Horrors of Spider Island. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. Plus, hotchuma hotchuma am I right?

Scott sat in his usual chair.

A lot of moving took place this weekend. I'm on month three of my big move, and I'm almost 10% done. Saturday morning I helped Emily move into this neighborhood.

This is one of her room-mates. She likes to compare him to Orson Welles. Not because he's fat, but because he's a cinematic genius.

I was repayed with these comically huge pancakes.

I helped Chris move too, but my contributions were slight. Even though I am very strong, I mostly handled door duty.

Later that night while walking out of my apartment I walked headfirst into a low-hanging tree branch. This was a thick branch mind you, and I hit it so hard I broke it right off the tree. There is absolutely no reason that this happened.

I am reinstating my personal prohibition amendment. Starting... now.

Oh! Last night me and Emily watched Metropolis. It's a silent film from 1927 but it's stunning. I can't stop thinking about it.

edit: looks like I've gone back to using capital letters. Old habits die hard I suppose.

avril fooling

the other night I had the fellas over for burgers. see?

probably the last dudes/sports/grilling affair at my apartment, good ol' 4C. it was a lot of fun. i really regret not having people over more often.

there was someone that wasn't quite so keen on the idea of me firing up the grill. THE GOOSE!


"hissssssss." no wonder it wakes me up every morning. it lives outside my bedroom window. and it's laid eggs! it's made its home on my balcony, and top of that nest-like tarp. so this is awkward because you're not allowed to touch or move the eggs or hassle with a migratory bird's nest (per federal regulations) so i'm not sure what to do about this.

slikk

what, i've got nothing better to do than sit around and update my blog? i'm at work. busy busy busy. today is terrible, i haven't been off the phone in the last three hours. it's outright hellish.

just now a guy got all mad at me for hanging up on him, and i didn't hang up on him at all. he was in mid-sentence and said "ah shit!" then as he was putting the phone down he said "asshole hung up on me." i am not the best customer serviceman in the world. in fact i'm probably in the lower percentile and i'll gladly own any mis-deeds that i actually commit, but i will not stand for being blamed for something i didn't do. if he call back then i will hang up with him just to keep the universe balanced

things are looking up though. it's baseball opening day. i'm DVR-ing the Twins/Angels game and having some gents over for my signature B.-Burgers. do any baseball fans read this blog? The Twins starting lineup is almost completely different from last year. should be interesting. Sports Illustrated has them finishing last in the division. bah to that, i say. over in the NL i'm still firmly on the Rockies bandwagon. also of note is the Bee's home opener in 10 days. exciting.

weekend was sedate. Friday night i went to Freaky Dee's, nothing too exciting, but i did see a guy wearing this coat.

Saturday i hung out with these idiots since it was Sean's last day in town. we went to lunch at Big & Delicious Burgers and then to the zoo.

not a real good day for animal watching since it was cold and all, but it was fun watching Talukan try to enjoy a bottle of frozen lemonade. he took the lid of and tried a few times to get a drink but it didn't work. finally he started ripping the plastic jug from the lemonade block with his teeth, then licked away as though it were a popsicle.

the zoo is trying to pass off this big rubber alligator as the real deal. those fools didn't even paint it the right color!

Sunday i watched season 1 of Twin Peaks. man-oh-man. that's good television. Dale Cooper is one of the best characters there's ever been.

ch ch-ch chhh ch-ch chhh ch-ch chhh

recentings

i've had a busy week. been doing family stuff, and other stuff that isn't family stuff. my idiot brother Sean is in town. we just got into a big argument over whether or not i can post a picture of his tattoo on my blog.

"can i post that picture of your tattoo on my blog?"

"why?"

"iuno."

"will you give me a dollar?"

"no."

"then no, you can't."

"come on."

"no."

"come on."

"no!"

"come on."

"fine, whatever."

"nah forget it, i don't even want to post it anymore."

"okay then, fine."

"but can i?"

"well not anymore!"


remember a few weeks ago when i saw Porter Rockwell's house? did you know Porter has his own Place? on Tuesday me and the fellas went there for steak, but none of us got steak after all. funny how life works sometimes.




Scott got himself a drink called the Silver Queen. he really liked it.

Scott: "is this place haunted?"

Waiter: "no."

the bathroom was eerie though. and the old newspapers lining the wall proved that old adage, "stuff used to be a lot cheaper."

make no mistake. Porter Rockwell was a scary mofo.


Wednesday i went back to Kilby to see a unit called Headlights.

great show! these kids are going places.

Headlights - TV

have you ever seen one of these, whaddya call 'em, babies? they're like puppies, but for humans. my cousin has one. answers to the name of Jonah. i met him for the first time last night and i was amazed by how tiny he was. that's my hand and then his hand there on the left (the smaller of the two).