Wednesday, June 25, 2008

you sold me a gay giraffe!

Baseball. A game best enjoyed in Sepia (as per every baseball documentary ever made).

Actually, too much Sepia baseball and next thing you know you'll be complaining about interleague play and the DH ruining the purity of the game. From there you're only one step away from Billy Crystal getting in your face and talking about the Yankees with that faraway look in his eyes.

So Saturday night I went to the Bees game. The occasion? The return of the Rivercats, our hated rivals and the opponent for last year's Greatest Game Ever Played.

Okay, I think this might be the best picture of me ever taken.

If I ever die, I want this picture to be the "1980-20xx" picture. Not trying to be morbid or anything, it just never hurts to make this kind of thing known (see: future blog entry for more coverage of this topic).

Nearly all my friends turned out for this game.

The stands were packed, thanks to a special visit from this guy.

It's been the same guy in that suit for thirty years now. Way to go, Chicken.

His act was entertaining, but kind of weird. There was a scene with a sadistic lynching by those hated Rivercats. And this part was pretty baffling.

If you recall, we had a lot of fun at last years game because we were able to heckle away and make the Rivercats players sad (by "we" I mean, "the other guys" because my voice is too quiet to do any real damage). We had high hopes this time too, but the family sitting in front of kept giving us dirty looks and muttering bad swears in our direction. I guess I can understand. I wouldn't like it if a bunch of jerks sat behind me and made loud noises, but... come on. It's a sport game, not yoga time.

Here's the lady shooting a dirty look in Natali's direction (It looks like I'm speaking to this lady but I'm just watching the game. It's a trick of perspective)

So, you're offended by our loud talking? Well I'm offended by your prominently visible ass-crack and amateur lower back tattoo. Also, nice job buying beer for your 17 year old tramp daughter and her dorky boyfriend. I hate you so much!

Only one way to work off this aggression. Shootin'.

Just kidding. Discharging firearms should only be done in a cool headed and responsible way.

This was more of an exploratory trip, so we didn't go to any of the usual spots. Headed east, Park City way, to see what there was to be seen.

Here's a gas station out in the middle of somewhere. The locals sitting on the porch were very unwelcoming.

Lots of driving. Went through Hoytsville which I didn't even know had a main street. It did though.

The cemetery there is very old and has nice views in all directions.

Times were tough back in the 1800s. So many people died before the age of 12. How could you even handle that? Strength to persevere I suppose.

Had a hard time even finding a place to shoot, because so much of the open space was "owned" by somebody. How you can you even own land? That's ridiculous. The Native Americans are right. I mean, just because some jerk two hundred years ago walked a thousand miles and then put up a fence, and suddenly that land is "owned." All so decades later some jerk could decide that he'd made enough money insider trading and wanted to settle somewhere peaceful, so he can "buy" the "land" and "live" "there." Ridiculous.

Just outside of Echo we found some land that welcomed trespassers and decided to drop a few rounds on the other side of that hill there on the right.

I pushed my Scion to the limits, but it just doesn't have the wherewithal of Betty, my old Explorer. This is as far as we made it.

That reminds me. The Scion needs a name. I'll take suggestions here.

I didn't post any pictures of shootin' cause by now you know what that looks like.

Monday, June 23, 2008

girl for girl they've got the cutest of the western states

What is this thing you call "Lagoon?"

Lagoon is an amusement park whose coasters rise from the swampland north of Salt Lake City.

Is it fun?

Matter of fact, it's what fun is. My friend Andy was in a Lagoon commercial in the mid-'90s with the catchphrase "It's what fun is!" That commercial aired a million times over the summer and throughout high school certain idiots would be like "Hey, say 'it's what fun is!'"

Do you love Lagoon?

I could take it or leave it.

How often do you go?

Every three years or so.

Where can I find more information on your Lagoon visiting habits?

Lisa's Blog has a good write up of the events. Or you could keep reading this one.

I only go to amusement parks that are endorsed by the Beach Boys.


"There's a park near the city, yeah
All the kids dig the Lagoon now
It's full of all kinds of girls
And rides and we'll be flyin' there soon now"

- The Beach Boys, "Salt Lake City" (1965)

How much is parking?

I don't even know, because we parked in a secret parking lot.

Why are you so bad at parking?

I've always been bad at parking. Also I'm still not used to my new car yet and I've found myself parking too far back.

How far did you have to walk from your fancy secret lot?

Not too far, but we did have to cut through Murderer's Grove.

What about snacks?

Plentiful, and clearly labeled.

What about the rides?

What about them? Well to start with there's the classic Colossius the Fire Dragon. Purchased by the park from a door-to-door roller coaster salesman.

or there's the newest coaster, Wicked

Oh, with the singing witches?

Afraid not. If I'd known that going in I wouldn't have waited in line for so long.

Is that Lee or Dr. Doug Ross?

You tell me?

What's this one?

Jet Star II. 73% of all awkwardness at Lagoon takes place here. You ride two-to-a-seat and straddling is required. I'm sure many a young buck on his first "hang-out" with a young philly has been worried about potential embarrassment.

The other 27% of awkwardness probably takes place here:

What was your favorite ride?

The Space Scrambler. This was the first thrill ride I ever went on when I was but a youth.

Is that a spinny ride? Did you get sick?

I didn't yank, if that's what your asking. But going from one spinny ride to another might not have been a good idea.

Are you getting old?

Must be. I've never suffered motion sickness before. But after The Turn of the Century (aka "the Swings") I was... I was dizzy!

Didn't these ladies used to not have shirts?

That's how I remember it, but I guess once again Family Fun ruined everything.

Anything else interesting to say about Lagoon?

In the '60s it hosted concerts by The Rolling Stones, the Doors, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and the Grateful Dead, among others. In 2002 when I took a documentary film-making class I wanted to make a doc about that. Lagoon was real jerks about it. They don't want that information getting out there. Because if I was a parent and found out that 40 years ago a dead guitarist played at Lagoon, no way I'd take my kids there.

Any crazy-ass murals?

I'm glad you asked! This piece lines the queue at the Terror Ride. It's weird! I borrowed this picture from this website. You can see a huge hi-res version of the mural there.

This thing is so bizarre I'm convinced there's some Lovecraftian / Da Vinci code stuff going on here. What dark secrets drove this painter to madness? What sinister message was he trying to warn us of?

Not much is known of the mural. I found this on some guy's flickr site:

"The mural was painted by William M. Tracy, who is probably dead now. He lived in New Jersey. It is believed to have been painted in the 1940's [EDITORS NOTE: further research indicates that it was painted in the 1960s]. William Tracy used to display stunts for dark rides at the industry trade shows. The mural was most likely purchased at the trade show along with some stunts. Bill Tracy also did many of the gags that were in the original Dracula's Castle, many of which remain in place today. Sadly, he was an alcoholic"

Now we have something to go on. My investigation begins.

Here's a review of the mural that's kind of funny.

Done talking about Lagoon?

For now, yes.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Important Breaking News

The price of iced coffee has increased by 10 cents.

Well, shit.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

14 years of silence, 14 years of pain

Six years ago today I started work at my current place of employment. This picture was taken shortly after training class began, back in June of 2002.

This picture was taken a few minutes ago.

I like my new glasses way better. Also it turns out my mouth is crooked. Looks like I used to have a little bit more hair too.

Here's some historic trivia for you: Gatsby and I met in that training class. Who would have thought that years later we would come to completely dominate the Blogiverse.

I was going to wax nostalgic about the last six years of work, but now I'm just bummed out. I'm going to go get my coffee and quietly contemplate mortality.

Monday, June 16, 2008

he's from the future AND the past

Jiminy Christmas, I am one tired gato. What's my problem? Always with the tiredness? Hopefully science can tell me someday.

Well I'm back from the weekend, and already working for the next one. Friday night I hung out with Emily and the Orson Welles cat.

Like the real Orson Welles, this guy loves having his belly scratched.

We hopped into my new car and went on a driving tour of Salt Lake City landmarks. I'm hoping to market this tour and be able to quit my job. We saw the Capital, the Temple, Grand America, Trolley Square, This is the Place, Trax, the Hoberman Arch, President's Circle at the U, Cafe Rio, and the Cathedral of the Madeline. The expanded tour will include the Tower Theater and Liberty Park. Best thing is, the whole thing can be completed in fifteen minutes!

Saturday I almost went to the Farmer's Market. I'm glad I didn't because I'm told there was no produce. How do these farmers ever hope to compete without produce?

Remember how my old car, Betty, got all broken? Well I didn't really take it to a dumpster. It's been sitting in the driveway. An attempt to remove the starter motor failed due to poor design, so I had it towed to Wayne's, the only car place I trust.

Turns it wouldn't start because the Occam's Razor was broken. It's still at the shop, and will be for a while so that it's in tip top shape when I sell it. By the way, any interested parties out there? $30,000 or best offer.

Saturday night, a party hosted by Cosmo:

The party was in honor of Katie (leaving town) and Ashley (returning to town). They're linked over there. >>>

It was a garden party, obviously.

Us dudes played croquet, and Lee took an early lead (like the Lakers).
Unfortunately, Lee blew it (like the Lakers).
Scott ended up winning, and I knew he would because that guy is pretty good at croquet. I'm always saying that about him.

Sunday! Family gathering. The Valley was covered with a thin translucent film.

My aunt tried to get rid of her salmonella tomatoes by pawning them off on me. I know better than that! I'm on to your tricks!

Here's me.
What am I smiling at? Probably this.

Watched the Celtics/Lakers game. The Lakers (jerks) won, but they can't hope to win in Boston if they keep playing like that (crappy). I just don't understand why Kevin McHale doesn't take it inside more often. Big man's got to own the paint.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Grassroots Effort

If you do a google image search for "hotchuma hotchuma" you get six pictures, one of which is this:

Hotchuma Hotchuma? What the eff is that all about? Check it out here. Join the movement.


Wednesday, June 11, 2008

is it supposed to be a noun or a verb?

I got a new camera recently. Maybe two months ago. Right after I got back from Chicago. Did you even notice? I did a lot of research and got an older model that's praised for it's ability to take low light shots. Those are practically the only type of shots I take. Concerts, outdoor signs, parties. I hate using a flash. Not only does it look terrible, with the burning white skin and the scary red eyes, but I want to take pictures discreetly. Nothing ruins a party (and I mean nothing) like some jerk with a flash. And it's weird to take pictures of your food if you're using a flash too. Draws unwanted attention. What the hell is my point here...

Oh! New camera, good at low light shots. I'm not so sure about it. For one thing, the interface is slightly awkward. I guess I can get used to that over time. But I'm not so sure the shots are that much better than my old camera. I've been meaning to take both cameras out for a side by side comparison, but I am lazy. Here's a pseudo comparison though.

The left side was taken Friday night. The right side was taken last fall. Looks like the new one can capture violet, which most cameras can't do, but otherwise the temperature is a little too cold.

And you know (don't you?) how I love my blurry streaky light shots. Not as easy to do with the new one. I'm happy with this though.

The reason I was at Bar Deluxe this time was the same as last time, oddly enough. I was there to see the band F*** the Informer, featuring a couple of my old friends. Whenever I go to their shows it's like a high school reunion.

Opening was a local band Dubbed.

(camera phone picture)

Tell me that isn't the most precise mohawk you've ever seen. These guys weren't half bad, and Johnny Mohawk was an affable fellow.

There was a tense moment when some guy said "Hey, watch this shit. Don't let anyone take this shit," and then disappeared. I watched that shit like a hawk, and no one took anything. No one even expressed interest in it.

Here's a ska band from some sleepy little town called Mexico City. Nino Zombi!

They were fun. You can't really tell from the picture but whenever the trumpeteer wasn't trumpeting he was playing his trumpet like a guitar.

Here's my dudes, F*** the Informer. The drummer is an old friend of mine but I don't see him very often. The singer I probably haven't really talked to since Jr. High. I think we went trick or treating together once. Maybe 6th Grade?

Good times.