Saturday, October 31, 2009

Halloween or something

I love Halloween. I'm not gonna lie. Seems like there should be some sort of Halloween post here right? Nope. I got nothing. This is a disturbing trend that's been going on with me for sometime. My creativity has run dry. It started with message board posts and blog comments. Suddenly All I had to say was "good one" and "nice." Then my blog output started going down. I stopped carrying my camera everywhere, and I don't really make witty comments anymore. And I've forgotten how to do most of my best impressions. I have nothing left. I'm as bland as... as... uh, bland as... see I don't know. That's the problem! Did I suffer brain damage somehow? What's happened to stamp out my creativity and crush my spirit? I have a few theories actually. But I'm not going to list them.

I'm trying this jazz out. NaNoWriMo. It's going to be quite a challenge. But hopefully it will re-open the neural pathways that have been shut down for a while. Can I average over 1600 words a day? Where will I find time for that? I don't know, but it will be fun to see. Or it won't. Bah. Wish me luck.

Monday, October 26, 2009


Look. I'm going to start speaking with a British accent, okay? It's not weird, but I need you to go with it. It's not weird. I haven't decided which accent to use yet because apparently there are lots of them. But when I do, if you know me in real life, just pretend that I've sounded like that all along. It's not weird.

No, I'm not any kind of Anglophile at all. I'm quite happy calling chips chips and fries fries. Don't care for soccer at all. You ever seen this guy Russel Brand? He sucks. I guess he's outrageous or something and has the Brits all a twoggin' (that's a British term) but he's not funny. And the Arctic Monkey's are less good of a band than the Strokes. It's just true. Accept it.

But something has to give. I'm slumping here. I go to bed every night, and that's one more bedtime closer to the final curtain. I need a change and this is the easiest and most effective change I can make. Having an American accent hasn't gotten me anywhere. I can't really afford to move away and I don't want to buy new clothes. Listen, you won't even notice after a while. You'll just get used to it. It's not weird.

I really feel like this is the best move for me at this time. Picture it. Exact same me, but British. Here, examine this scenario.

Me, now: "Hey wanna go get a Gyro?"

You: "No."

Me, British: "Fahncy a jie-ro?"

You: "Oh yes let's!"

It's just that simple. Okay fine, this is all about chicks. I mean, birds. I mean, buhds. The new accent is going to make me 19% more attractive and interesting. This isn't a desperation move, it's just good business sense. My annoyances will become quirks. My rudeness will met with giggles. My lack of talent will be chalked up to you not getting my avant garde ways. Just trust me on this one. It's not weird.