those aren't birds, they're giant vampire bats

Did you know that a new Batman movie opens today? It's called the Dark Knight.

I think I've been looking forward to this movie since before I was born. So strange, way back when I saw 10 Things I Hate About You I thought, "that actor will make a great Joker someday." Julia Stiles' career didn't quite turn out the way I'd imagined, but then Heath Ledger got the part, which is still pretty close.

I saw The Dark Knight a few days ago thanks to the ingenious viral marketing campaign that's been going on for the past year. I'm not going to say anything about the movie but maybe we can discuss it on Monday?

I've been a Batman fan as long as I can remember. When I was a kid I watched the old '60s series everyday, not realizing it was supposed to be a joke.

Yesterday I mentioned some nonsense about an internet community where my "little picture" (avatar) was Adam West.

(Becky, hotchuma hotchuma?)

The Michael Keaton Batman movie came out in the summer of '89, and the following Halloween I turned into this guy:

It wasn't an official Batman costume, it was a Fred Meyer "Bat Hero" costume. Believe it or not, they didn't make a real Batman costume that year. I added my own accessories to make it more authentic.

Kids are so cruel. I'm pretty sure I got mocked a little for wearing a silver leotard and black, um... panties. The following year I went as Dick Tracy and everyone called me "Dick." The year after that I went as yet another comic book character, Sgt. Shithead. They had a field day with that one.

Here's my collection of Batman memorobilia, circa 1989. Note the bedspread.

Sean clearly doesn't know the first thing about Batman. I told you he was an idiot.

not with a rusty bayonet

Desolation.

Three months ago (seriously? three months? wow, my life is such a waste of time) I went off adventuring with my grandpa Gordon and idiot Mikey. At the time we had agreed to seek another adventure on Memorial Day. I had completely forgotten about that until Gordon called Sunday night to see if we were still on. I invited Scotty along on this trip as he likes adventure, and it would be a good opportunity to fire some weapons.

I didn't want to go back to Eureka (been there, done that) so I planned to head southwest toward another abandoned minding town, Ophir.

On the way to Ophir you pass through historic Camp Floyd, where in 1858 one-third of the U.S. Army came to put down those pesky Mormons. The Army hung around for a couple of years but then had to leave to fight some other war back east.

Camp Floyd is always interesting. There's like, a field, and an old schoolhouse, and some other stuff, and - uh-oh.

Those look like Yankee tents. That can only mean one thing...

Oh shit! A ghost regiment! Doomed to march the fields of Camp Floyd for all eternity, this spectral brigade serves as a grim reminder of the damning essence of war.

Wait nevermind, they're just Civil War re-enactors. Not every day you stumble into one of these.

Don't worry, Wyatt Earp was there to keep the peace.

As usual, Gordon is on the outside looking in.

This poor guy wasn't invited to the festivities.

"But I've got all my Civil War stuff on!"

"Forget it Ricky, you can't come!"

Ladies and gentlemen, civilization.

Some guy put testicles on his truck. That's not a standard feature. Some guy had to have the idea, obtain the testicles, and then attach them to the truck. Plenty of time to have second thoughts, but no.

After we'd had out fill of Camp Floyd we crossed into Tooele County and found Ophir Canyon (just follow the signs), one of many abandoned mining towns that dot the West.

Perfect day to be up there. Pouring rain, light grey skies, mist rising from the coniferous peaks.
They had to give up mining in Ophir after one too many Balrog attacks. Either that or the hills ran out of riches.

The town is actually much more populated than I thought it would be. The 2000 census lists the population as 23, but there has to be more than that now. Including this guy, who lives in an old mine.

I have a feeling if you get too close he'll skin your hide.

Finally it was time for shootin'. Gordon had bought a couple guns of his own, which nobody knew he had. When I picked him up in the morning he hauled the guns out to the car and my grandmother asked "What is that you've got?" to which he snapped back "Nothin'!"

Gordon was irritated that Scott and I were unwilling to shoot in the National Forest, or on fenced-off land. We finally found a good spot to shoot and he took off a wanderin', just checking stuff out, as is his wont.

My grandmother likes to tell the story of the time in Germany where he wandered away and ended up on the wrong side of the Berlin Wall.

Here Mikey shoots a gun for the first time.

What a dope, trying to look all "gangsta."

Here I am getting ready to fire the .40, the one that made me go deaf last time.

I gotta give Mike credit for his camera work here.

In hindsight this might have been a bad idea. Good thing Scott is a crack shot.

This was the highlight. Scott recently got himself an M1 Garand, the standard issue rifle for U.S. infantrymen in World War II. This particular one dates to 1944. Awesome. You may know that I'm a wannabe WWII buff, and that the mini-series Band of Brothers is one of my favorite things ever. So it was real nifty to shoot this thing.

I'm wearing my helmet for added authenticity. It's a good thing I'm such a geek though because when the clip came flying out it bonked right off of my head with a nice "ping" sound. If I wasn't wearing the helmet I would have experienced very slight pain. I don't even want to think about it.

Overall, pretty great day.

When I dropped Scott off Gordon spent twenty minutes standing in his socks and washing mud off his shoes.

Here I am relating my exploits to this tiny human, as he looks at me with disbelief.

nope

"B! What about last weekend? You vaguely alluded to it being disastrous?"

Well, kinda. I've been moving see? Planning this since last December but only kicking into high gear last weekend. After three glorious years, saying goodbye to good ol' 4C.


Friday night the fellas came over to help me with the heavy stuff. I got good fellas. Before we began moving I had something very important to do.

I had to make peace with the Goose. Like every other fowl I've ever met, she loves bread.

The Gander always hangs out down on the ground, but he's ready to strike if he needs to. It's kind of neat how protective he is.

I had plenty of bread left so I started tossing it off the balcony to the ducks below. I tried to feed the goose too. I'd throw a piece of bread right in front of him, but before he could pick it up a duck would come running from out of nowhere and snatch it away. Then the goose would look up at my like "Uh, dude?" This happened three or four times before he finally got his bread. I've complained about these geese from day one, but it just goes to show: we've all got our struggles in life.


Disaster! I've brought in special guest illustrator Scott to dramatize the following events. You can and should read his blog here. Also tell him he needs to update more often.

So yeah, moving. Chris and I each parked along the curb, being as how we had heavy objects to move. I park there all the time for loading and unloading.
Wait, what's that rumbling engine sound? Who are these guys?
Tow Truck People. Great.
Towed! The both of us! Well shit. I tried to be That Guy and was like "Well, who's in charge of this? Let me talk to them! Where's your search warrant?" Chris kept a more level head and was more like "Hey, come on."

So the deal is, they can take your car away and you can get it Monday for $238.
... or, you can give them $80 right now (per car) and they'll pretend this never happened. Cash only though. Who has that kind of cash in their pocket? The Tow Truck People were being hard cases. "You have ten minutes to come up with the money or else we're out of here. So you better hurry up. You have four minutes left." Since I was being That Guy I asked to see the stopwatch, but they didn't have one.

I frantically called Danny and Scott, who were already on the way, asking them to hit an ATM. Danny didn't know his PIN, and Scott's card wouldn't work. Finally we convinced them to unhook Chris's car and let him go get the money, which is what they should have done in the first place to save us all time.
Meanwhile I'm stuck there with these folks trying to stifle my rage.
Small talk ensued.
The deadline was fast approaching, but Chris got back just in time.
and all was well.
What else happened that night to make it a disaster? Well I got a nosebleed and a pop can exploded. Can you believe that rotten luck? Can my life get any worse? Yes it can! Saturday night I got some well earned McNuggets, but they forgot the sauce so I had to eat them dry. Why am I even alive?

More moving.

Sunday night I went to a thing at the place. It was nice.




I had to take the day off from work Tuesday to finish moving. I really would have rather been working.

I tried to convince that idiot Mikey to help but he wouldn't.

B: "Just help me get this stuff out of the way."

Mikey: "I'm tired, I just got home from work."

B: "You don't have a job."

Mikey: "Yeah I do."

B: "What is it then?"

Mikey: "Bowling."

B: "That's not a job."

Mikey: "Well I don't enjoy it."


He finally showed up to help, and thank goodness. I never would have finished without him.

In case you were wondering, moving sucks. Especially if you're like me and have never thrown anything away.


Three years in 4C and all I have to show is a drawer full of bottlecaps, three cereal prizes, and a packet of Arby's Sauce.


This remote belongs to a 13 inch tv I got when I was 12. To this day it remains the best remote I've ever had.

When I locked the door for the last time and went back to my car a big sideways hail storm started. Seems fitting, somehow. I don't think you can tell from this picture but there was a lot of hail.


Adios, 4C. Happy trails, Goose.

griddle

B. enters, wearing a new plaid Western shirt.

Mikey: "Hey what are you doing here - uh, whoa. What are you wearing? Are you looking for some pancakes?"

B. "Huh? Pancakes?"

Mikey: "Well, you just look like a guy who could use a big stack of pancakes."

rejuvenated rocketship

Hi. Long time since I've updated. I'm not dead, I haven't been stoned to death. All I'll say is, the internet is a helluva place to lose a cow.

Just in case you were thinking I wasn't an idiot, yesterday my car broke down. Turns out I ran out of gas. Then once I finally filled it up I noticed it was running very sluggishly the rest of the day. Turns out the emergency brake was on. To be fair, my indicator lights indicated neither.

Friday night the Utah Jazz embarrassed the Spurs of Saint Antoine's. Which reminds me, I went to a game earlier this week.

I get so embarrassed by in-game entertainment. Does anyone enjoy this stuff?

"Larry! I've got it!"

"How can we lose with Jazzbots on the team?"

"Um... is that legal?"

"There's nothing in the rulebook that says a time-travelling robot can't play small forward."

"Why do they have to be time travelling?"

"Because basketball playing robots haven't been invented yet, duh."


Here Mikey enjoys a snack.

You can't spell "Microsuede" without "blurry photography."

We won!



After Friday's game we watched Plan 9 from Outer Space, which I have never seen.

It's pretty great. The best part is that the majority of the movie is just people standing around talking a lot.

And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future.

Then we watched some Mystery Science Theater 3000, a cult classic that I have also never seen. This installment was The Horrors of Spider Island. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. Plus, hotchuma hotchuma am I right?

Scott sat in his usual chair.

A lot of moving took place this weekend. I'm on month three of my big move, and I'm almost 10% done. Saturday morning I helped Emily move into this neighborhood.

This is one of her room-mates. She likes to compare him to Orson Welles. Not because he's fat, but because he's a cinematic genius.

I was repayed with these comically huge pancakes.

I helped Chris move too, but my contributions were slight. Even though I am very strong, I mostly handled door duty.

Later that night while walking out of my apartment I walked headfirst into a low-hanging tree branch. This was a thick branch mind you, and I hit it so hard I broke it right off the tree. There is absolutely no reason that this happened.

I am reinstating my personal prohibition amendment. Starting... now.

Oh! Last night me and Emily watched Metropolis. It's a silent film from 1927 but it's stunning. I can't stop thinking about it.

edit: looks like I've gone back to using capital letters. Old habits die hard I suppose.