bow

Dispatches from Lee and Lisa's wedding! Remember that Tom Hanks movie Bachelor Party? Me neither, but I bet the Wikipedia entry for "bachelor party" is a good read. I'll be right back.

Bachelor parties in the US often entail the mass consumption of alcohol, the hiring of a stripper or prostitute, and general rowdiness toward which the bride might not have a positive reaction.

The task of organizing a bachelor party is often traditionally assigned to a male sibling of the bachelor or to the best man. Otherwise, any (close and/or reputedly party-minded) male friend will organize it.

Me and my friends (or "boys") are nothing if not reputedly party minded, so naturally we went to a Jazz game. Remember the Jazz' old slogan? "Real Fans! Real Players! General Rowdiness!"



I think we were there the same night as the Reese's annual outing.


I hired a bunch of strippers but forgot to buy them tickets. So that was a waste.

Saturday was the wedding luncheon in the opulent and elegant Joseph Smith Memorial Building.


Lee led the crowd in a round of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame."


Unfortunately all the attention was just too much for him and he went brain dead.


(actually a baby spat forth upon his necktie. damian saved the day by commandeering a new one).

All these people gathered for a photo but there was no photographer there. It really made me uncomfortable.


Here's the happy couple.

Huh. Looks like there are two happy couples in this picture.

Utah!


On to the reception. At the luncheon Lee introduced me as the "third member of the relationship."


Priya entertained the ladies with her jokes and stories.


But when I tried to talk to her she just looked at me like I was an idiot. She's smart that way.


I hung out with my little buddy Cash though. Haven't seen him in a while. He still likes trucks.


I think having a photo booth at a wedding is a great idea.


Picture vortex.


So yeah. Good couple of days celebrating the wedding. Congratulations, Lee and Lisa!

Also, whose eye is this?




Oh I almost forgot! The movie Taken starring Liam Neeson is a great movie. I mean, it's a pretty crappy movie, but I enjoyed it non-ironically. Suffer no delusions: if you steal Liam Neeson's daughter, he will punch you in the throat.

can i borrow your belt?

Friday. Game 6 in this epic Jazz/Lakers series. For the event I grilled my now famous B-Burgers (or Bryton Burgers d'Especiale). They were a hit.



Jazz game. Homecourt, fighting to stay alive in the post-season. Surely an easy win for our boys, forcing a decisive game seven. I predicted that we would explode out of the gate, going on a quick 12-0 run before the Lakers even scored.

Well not quite. The Jazz played like they were asleep and went into the half nineteen points down.

Some guys still had the fire though.

Millsap!

Seemed over when were down by eleven with a minute and a half left, but somehow we clawed our way back to pull as close as two points down. After a long foul-filled thirty seconds, the Jazz had possession, down by three, with only seconds remaining. Three point specialist Kyle "the Haircut" Korver got the ball, had a clear shot, but passed it. Two agonizing unsuccessful three point attempts later, and the season was over. Bummer. Also it felt like a metaphor for my wasted life.

Saturday, see previous entry.

That night I watched Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me. It wasn't as bad as I'd heard, but it wasn't really necessary either. I really would have preferred to see what happened after the series ended instead of seeing what happened before it started.

From what I gather the original cut was five hours long and did have scenes set after the last episode. Oft-rumored director's cut DVDs never materialize though. Drag.

Sunday! More life wasting. Finally near the end of the day I accomplished something. Headed down to the Depot to see M.I.A. in concert.

Opening it up were the old school beats of the Egyptian Lover. He's been doing this for twenty-five years, and he will not let you forget it.

I enjoyed the skull-rattling bass, but I started to lose interest after about five minutes.

But somehow he found a way to renew my interest.

Trying some stuff out in photoshop. Trying to go for a James Bond opening credits vibe.

Maybe blue is better.

I worried that this might be too suggestive for the blog, so I whipped up a more family friendly version.

M.I.A.'s show started with a video of this weird Asian politician guy. If anyone knows who he is please tell because I'd like to do more research. I think the message of the video is that you shouldn't bother to vote.

M.I.A. didn't fake the funk.

Since we arrived before everyone else we had a great spot up front, but as the show went on I was edged out by sweaty shirtless hippies. Ah well. It was too hot up there anyway. Gatsby will have better pictures on his blog, eventually.

At one point she invited the entire audience up and stage to dance around like idiots. Then after the song ended it was all "get off the stage! everyone off! you're ruining everything!"

DJ

The end.

After the show this girl was preaching the merits of positive energy, and how we can use all this energy to create anything we want. We can use this energy to further the cause of peace. She insisted she was completely sober.

Here she is telling me that I spend too much time worrying about the brake lights up ahead. Also she's 28, just like me, which is important for the cosmic side of things.

She might have been crazy, but I still think I'll take out a "missed connections" ad on craigslist .

what was the question oh yeah memento mori

I'm at work. 716am. I'm typing slowly and quietly because I don't want to break the eerie silence consuming the room.

Here I am, tucked away in the far south east corner of the office. I think I'm the only one here.

Hark! In the distance rings a phone. A faint voice puts an end to the electronic trill. I am not as alone as I thought. I better put my shirt back on.

My department used to have this entire building all to ourselves, but since that was a poor use of space for a department of twelve people they moved this other department in. Then they decided to make things all pretty for the newbies so they're painting everything and building walls where none need be. I don't mind this new department being here, except that I used to work for them and I'm really afraid of - hang on, my phone is ringing.

I'm back. I'm pretty happy with the way my voice sounds today.

I didn't get much sleep last night because of the late Jazz game. I couldn't believe it. When Stockton hit that three -

- wow.

Oh wait. That wasn't last night. That was eleven years ago. Damn. I watched the whole stupid post game show in hopes of getting a nice end-of-season montage. The end-of-season sports montage is one of my favorite things in the world. But no. All I got was forty-five minutes of Pace Mannion's trite and pointless analysis and Thurl Bailey's ridiculous yellow suit. Funny: when you google Pace Mannion you only get two pictures of him. On the whole internet, two pictures of Pace Mannion. The Jazz's Number 1 priority this off season should be firing Pace Mannion and getting a post-game analyst who can actually analyze. It would be nice to get someone who can enunciate clearly as well.

What's my point? Right. Not much sleep. Getting out of bed was hard because I was seeing double. I feel okay now, but not exactly right. I think this picture accurately represents how I feel at the moment.

Updates throughout the day as I see fit.

UPDATE 945am

Time flies, I guess. I've almost been here three hours. I've been reading about Dante's Divine Comedy on Wikipedia. It's shorter than reading the actual book, but still too long.

Someone just texted me this picture, from the zoo in DC. My reputation is far reaching.

Listen, I had an important point to make about that other department moving in to our building. From the first day they arrived there's been an epidemic of people failing to properly flush the toilet. Which doesn't make any sense at all because they flush automatically. Also they toss their cigarette butts hither and thither. Not cool, Zeus.

I'm hungry. Very hungry. I'm gonna go steal some candy from under Liz's desk. The way I look at it if she didn't want me stealing it she would have done a better job hiding it.

These Kit Kats are all melty. And would kill her to stock up on some Reese's, or maybe a nice savory snack?

UPDATE 1219pm

I have returned from a refreshing couch nap on the couch in our "lobby." I put lobby in quotes because it's really just that one couch. But it's a great nappin' couch. I've been complaining about that other department all day, and now I will complain some more. You'd think that when entering the building, if saw a strange hobo looking guy passed out on the couch, you'd show common courtesy and be quiet. But no. They come stomping in like they own the place, chatterboxin' away.

The scene has really picked up though. I've got Joy and my damn fool brother Sean on chat, and Gatsby is here at work, so things are more lively.

UPDATE 109pm

I just got off the phone with a woman who sounded exactly like Ringo.

Now I'm having a conversation about Oprah's favorite things.

UPDATE 229pm

I just refilled my water bottle.

I wonder what's happening out there. Out in the real world. So many people, living their lives, unaware of the plight that has befallen me.

UPDATE 303pm

Sometimes I like my job, like just now when Gatsby and I spent ten minutes making jokes about scriveners.

RON!

Ronnie freaking Price.

The bandage is on his head because he was fouled hard (with a vengeance) earlier in Sunday's game and bonked his noggin on the floor. But did that stop him? (it didn't)

Backing up. I didn't post much last week. I'd lost that lovin' feeling and didn't feel like doing any microsuedery. I'll be better this week though. I have some leftover items to get to later in the week maybe.

Thursday night a big gang ganged up and went to the Metropolitan. S'alright. The cheeseplate was great. I liked my dessert too. I also had a big crush on the waitress. Her name was "12."

Here's Scott with two lovely ladies, proving yet again that girls always go for the bad boy.

Friday night, Jazz v. Lakers at Pistol Pete's Mexican Grill. Though I wouldn't call the food "outrageous," it is quite good and it's nice to support the little guy in his fight against the Bajio'ses of the world. The tortilla soup was made almost to my exact specifications. See, I'm on something of a tortilla soup quest but I can never find an acceptable version.

Pistol Pete: "What is Phil Jackson complaining about? Probably his zen... or some... eastern philosophy."

Saturday morning I was supposed to go to breakfast for Lee's birthday, but I slept in. What's worse, when I woke up I had a message from Lee inviting me on an impromptu ghost town adventure. I love ghost town adventures! But I slept so long that I missed out. This is a real slap in the face. I need to change my lifestyle. I'm going to stop taking sleeping pills and see if that helps me get out of bed before 1:30pm.

Look what I missed out on!

Lisa sent me that picture. I wish I would have been there.

(see, it's called "B's," and my name is "B.")

Speaking of B's, Saturday night a few of us went to the Bees game in a combined celebration of mine and Lee's birthday (mine is Tuesday the 13th. don't forget).

Danny was there. I think this is one of the best photos I've ever taken.

We sat in the outfield grass. I've never been out there before. Is good time.


Remember how I hate in-game entertainment? Here they are playing a game called "Fish or Not a Fish." The game is exactly what you think it is.


Bees came back from 8-1 to win 9-8. Likely due to our constant hassling of opposing centerfielder Reggie Abercrombie.

Also Natali gave me a book (for my birthday) that I've been wanting to read. So the bar has been set kind of high for the rest of you.

Sunday! Jazz v. Lakers live at the Energy Solutions Arena!

This guy in the blue t-shirt had an important message for anyone within earshot: "Kobe sucks!" I appreciate his sentiment, but it just isn't true. Kobe won the MVP and all.

More harsh words for Kobe.

Encouragement written on the sky.

Last row baby!

Not exactly the last row. It was the last row of "real" seats, but there was a line of folding chairs behind us. This idiot Laker fan was providing color commentary throughout the whole game so at halftime we relocated. Nobody seemed to mind.

This stunt was very unnecessary. Pure danger.

Sports action!

Score was close near the end, so hoping to seal the victory the Jazz dancers pulled out all the stops and engaged in a bizarre Masonic ritual.

Tied? Oh no!

Don't worry, the Jazz dominated in overtime and won the game. The proof is in the confetti.

end