nope

"B! What about last weekend? You vaguely alluded to it being disastrous?"

Well, kinda. I've been moving see? Planning this since last December but only kicking into high gear last weekend. After three glorious years, saying goodbye to good ol' 4C.


Friday night the fellas came over to help me with the heavy stuff. I got good fellas. Before we began moving I had something very important to do.

I had to make peace with the Goose. Like every other fowl I've ever met, she loves bread.

The Gander always hangs out down on the ground, but he's ready to strike if he needs to. It's kind of neat how protective he is.

I had plenty of bread left so I started tossing it off the balcony to the ducks below. I tried to feed the goose too. I'd throw a piece of bread right in front of him, but before he could pick it up a duck would come running from out of nowhere and snatch it away. Then the goose would look up at my like "Uh, dude?" This happened three or four times before he finally got his bread. I've complained about these geese from day one, but it just goes to show: we've all got our struggles in life.


Disaster! I've brought in special guest illustrator Scott to dramatize the following events. You can and should read his blog here. Also tell him he needs to update more often.

So yeah, moving. Chris and I each parked along the curb, being as how we had heavy objects to move. I park there all the time for loading and unloading.
Wait, what's that rumbling engine sound? Who are these guys?
Tow Truck People. Great.
Towed! The both of us! Well shit. I tried to be That Guy and was like "Well, who's in charge of this? Let me talk to them! Where's your search warrant?" Chris kept a more level head and was more like "Hey, come on."

So the deal is, they can take your car away and you can get it Monday for $238.
... or, you can give them $80 right now (per car) and they'll pretend this never happened. Cash only though. Who has that kind of cash in their pocket? The Tow Truck People were being hard cases. "You have ten minutes to come up with the money or else we're out of here. So you better hurry up. You have four minutes left." Since I was being That Guy I asked to see the stopwatch, but they didn't have one.

I frantically called Danny and Scott, who were already on the way, asking them to hit an ATM. Danny didn't know his PIN, and Scott's card wouldn't work. Finally we convinced them to unhook Chris's car and let him go get the money, which is what they should have done in the first place to save us all time.
Meanwhile I'm stuck there with these folks trying to stifle my rage.
Small talk ensued.
The deadline was fast approaching, but Chris got back just in time.
and all was well.
What else happened that night to make it a disaster? Well I got a nosebleed and a pop can exploded. Can you believe that rotten luck? Can my life get any worse? Yes it can! Saturday night I got some well earned McNuggets, but they forgot the sauce so I had to eat them dry. Why am I even alive?

More moving.

Sunday night I went to a thing at the place. It was nice.




I had to take the day off from work Tuesday to finish moving. I really would have rather been working.

I tried to convince that idiot Mikey to help but he wouldn't.

B: "Just help me get this stuff out of the way."

Mikey: "I'm tired, I just got home from work."

B: "You don't have a job."

Mikey: "Yeah I do."

B: "What is it then?"

Mikey: "Bowling."

B: "That's not a job."

Mikey: "Well I don't enjoy it."


He finally showed up to help, and thank goodness. I never would have finished without him.

In case you were wondering, moving sucks. Especially if you're like me and have never thrown anything away.


Three years in 4C and all I have to show is a drawer full of bottlecaps, three cereal prizes, and a packet of Arby's Sauce.


This remote belongs to a 13 inch tv I got when I was 12. To this day it remains the best remote I've ever had.

When I locked the door for the last time and went back to my car a big sideways hail storm started. Seems fitting, somehow. I don't think you can tell from this picture but there was a lot of hail.


Adios, 4C. Happy trails, Goose.

it's time i got back, it's time i got back, and i don't even know how i got off the track

What? You'll have to speak louder, because I can't hear you. I'll explain later.

Action packed weekend. Friday night was the Bees home opener, and you know how I love the Bees (don't you? is anyone even paying attention here?)

Beautiful night for a ballgame, except for the part where it was 30 degrees.



It was a fun game. The crowd was into it, and there was a lot of scoring. (both on the field and off, if you know what I mean!)

The Bees ended up losing for the first time this year, which I blame on poor fielding, and also poor pitching. Best heckle of the night, courtesy of Lee: "Nice catch, idiot!"

I should mention that I could have been killed by a foul ball. None ever came our way, but still.

Afterward me n' Lee had a very pleasant dinner at the Training Table. Bleu Bacon Burger and Cheese Fries. Not to be dramatic, but I could have died of a heart attack.

Huh?

That's funny because I've always called music "a bleu bacon burger to your ears."

Saturday I did a lot of moving. My stuff, Chris's stuff, a little of Emily's stuff, more of my stuff. If I had to describe the day in one word it would be "sweaty." Maybe I could have been crushed to death by furniture.

Daniel and Scott had been calling for adventure all day, so finally a group of us saddled up and headed down I-80 west, Tooele bound.

Here Scott (professional geologist) explains something about landslides.

The route takes us past the Big Salt Lake in all its majestic glory.

Tooele County is where my pappy done come from, so I'm a little bit familiar with it. It has everything you could ever need. A haunted valley, a mysterious military base, nuclear waste, toxic nerve gas, chemical weapons bunkers, underground fires, the new Area 51, and a very spicy pickle.

More importantly, there's a lot of open country for the discharging of firearms.

Conversation in a gas station in Stockton, UT (pop. 443):

"Is there a good place around here to go shooting?"

"Shootin'?"

The fella was a little perplexed by the question because really the whole county is one big shootin'. gallery.

We drove into the desert along the Old Mormon Trail, the same trail the pioneers used when they wanted to go shootin'.

By the time we found a good spot the sun was heading downward.

Luckily we found an area that had a pre-made foxhole full of shootables. Like a half-empty propane tank.

Scott got a new handgun recently. A .40. Same kind of gun a lot of cops use. It's really fun to shoot, but at the very instant this photo was taken I went deaf in my left ear.

Ear protection should always be used, kids. I'm a little better now. For a while everything sounded like it was coming from a broken radio and the ringing was non-stop. It's weird though, when I touch my ear it feels like it's numb. I'll give it a few more days before panicking.

Camera phone in one hand, gun in the other. Weird.

Lee had some fun taking shots.
We finally decided to shoot at the propane tank from about fifty yards away with Scott's Soviet SKS. We hid behind the car (fearing explosion) while Scott plunked away at it.

It didn't explode so we all took turns. I'm such a good shot I didn't even need to look.

Kapow!

We stopped shooting because we ran out of bullets.

Next on the agenda? Why food and sports of course!

Tooele has a dance-club/sport-bar called Tracks. Don't be fooled by it's location! It's very hard to get to. There was a time it seemed that we would never make it, and that not even Barabus could save us. Finally it was within reach.

We settled in to watch the last quarter of the Jazz game. I was watching the middle tv.

Everything was cool until they made us switch tables so they could clear out the dance floor. We left some time later and there was no dancing occurring.

Sunday, more moving. Also had the family over for grilling and the goose didn't even bother me too much.

I guess I haven't really talked about moving much on the blog. Anyway, I'm moving. Here I am building my bed.

Baseball? Guns? Tools? I feel so manly right now. Totally cancels out the messenger bag and my general spaziness and the fact that I'm unclear on how to jumpstart a car.

rejuvenated rocketship

Hi. Long time since I've updated. I'm not dead, I haven't been stoned to death. All I'll say is, the internet is a helluva place to lose a cow.

Just in case you were thinking I wasn't an idiot, yesterday my car broke down. Turns out I ran out of gas. Then once I finally filled it up I noticed it was running very sluggishly the rest of the day. Turns out the emergency brake was on. To be fair, my indicator lights indicated neither.

Friday night the Utah Jazz embarrassed the Spurs of Saint Antoine's. Which reminds me, I went to a game earlier this week.

I get so embarrassed by in-game entertainment. Does anyone enjoy this stuff?

"Larry! I've got it!"

"How can we lose with Jazzbots on the team?"

"Um... is that legal?"

"There's nothing in the rulebook that says a time-travelling robot can't play small forward."

"Why do they have to be time travelling?"

"Because basketball playing robots haven't been invented yet, duh."


Here Mikey enjoys a snack.

You can't spell "Microsuede" without "blurry photography."

We won!



After Friday's game we watched Plan 9 from Outer Space, which I have never seen.

It's pretty great. The best part is that the majority of the movie is just people standing around talking a lot.

And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future.

Then we watched some Mystery Science Theater 3000, a cult classic that I have also never seen. This installment was The Horrors of Spider Island. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. Plus, hotchuma hotchuma am I right?

Scott sat in his usual chair.

A lot of moving took place this weekend. I'm on month three of my big move, and I'm almost 10% done. Saturday morning I helped Emily move into this neighborhood.

This is one of her room-mates. She likes to compare him to Orson Welles. Not because he's fat, but because he's a cinematic genius.

I was repayed with these comically huge pancakes.

I helped Chris move too, but my contributions were slight. Even though I am very strong, I mostly handled door duty.

Later that night while walking out of my apartment I walked headfirst into a low-hanging tree branch. This was a thick branch mind you, and I hit it so hard I broke it right off the tree. There is absolutely no reason that this happened.

I am reinstating my personal prohibition amendment. Starting... now.

Oh! Last night me and Emily watched Metropolis. It's a silent film from 1927 but it's stunning. I can't stop thinking about it.

edit: looks like I've gone back to using capital letters. Old habits die hard I suppose.