nope

"B! What about last weekend? You vaguely alluded to it being disastrous?"

Well, kinda. I've been moving see? Planning this since last December but only kicking into high gear last weekend. After three glorious years, saying goodbye to good ol' 4C.


Friday night the fellas came over to help me with the heavy stuff. I got good fellas. Before we began moving I had something very important to do.

I had to make peace with the Goose. Like every other fowl I've ever met, she loves bread.

The Gander always hangs out down on the ground, but he's ready to strike if he needs to. It's kind of neat how protective he is.

I had plenty of bread left so I started tossing it off the balcony to the ducks below. I tried to feed the goose too. I'd throw a piece of bread right in front of him, but before he could pick it up a duck would come running from out of nowhere and snatch it away. Then the goose would look up at my like "Uh, dude?" This happened three or four times before he finally got his bread. I've complained about these geese from day one, but it just goes to show: we've all got our struggles in life.


Disaster! I've brought in special guest illustrator Scott to dramatize the following events. You can and should read his blog here. Also tell him he needs to update more often.

So yeah, moving. Chris and I each parked along the curb, being as how we had heavy objects to move. I park there all the time for loading and unloading.
Wait, what's that rumbling engine sound? Who are these guys?
Tow Truck People. Great.
Towed! The both of us! Well shit. I tried to be That Guy and was like "Well, who's in charge of this? Let me talk to them! Where's your search warrant?" Chris kept a more level head and was more like "Hey, come on."

So the deal is, they can take your car away and you can get it Monday for $238.
... or, you can give them $80 right now (per car) and they'll pretend this never happened. Cash only though. Who has that kind of cash in their pocket? The Tow Truck People were being hard cases. "You have ten minutes to come up with the money or else we're out of here. So you better hurry up. You have four minutes left." Since I was being That Guy I asked to see the stopwatch, but they didn't have one.

I frantically called Danny and Scott, who were already on the way, asking them to hit an ATM. Danny didn't know his PIN, and Scott's card wouldn't work. Finally we convinced them to unhook Chris's car and let him go get the money, which is what they should have done in the first place to save us all time.
Meanwhile I'm stuck there with these folks trying to stifle my rage.
Small talk ensued.
The deadline was fast approaching, but Chris got back just in time.
and all was well.
What else happened that night to make it a disaster? Well I got a nosebleed and a pop can exploded. Can you believe that rotten luck? Can my life get any worse? Yes it can! Saturday night I got some well earned McNuggets, but they forgot the sauce so I had to eat them dry. Why am I even alive?

More moving.

Sunday night I went to a thing at the place. It was nice.




I had to take the day off from work Tuesday to finish moving. I really would have rather been working.

I tried to convince that idiot Mikey to help but he wouldn't.

B: "Just help me get this stuff out of the way."

Mikey: "I'm tired, I just got home from work."

B: "You don't have a job."

Mikey: "Yeah I do."

B: "What is it then?"

Mikey: "Bowling."

B: "That's not a job."

Mikey: "Well I don't enjoy it."


He finally showed up to help, and thank goodness. I never would have finished without him.

In case you were wondering, moving sucks. Especially if you're like me and have never thrown anything away.


Three years in 4C and all I have to show is a drawer full of bottlecaps, three cereal prizes, and a packet of Arby's Sauce.


This remote belongs to a 13 inch tv I got when I was 12. To this day it remains the best remote I've ever had.

When I locked the door for the last time and went back to my car a big sideways hail storm started. Seems fitting, somehow. I don't think you can tell from this picture but there was a lot of hail.


Adios, 4C. Happy trails, Goose.

avril fooling

the other night I had the fellas over for burgers. see?

probably the last dudes/sports/grilling affair at my apartment, good ol' 4C. it was a lot of fun. i really regret not having people over more often.

there was someone that wasn't quite so keen on the idea of me firing up the grill. THE GOOSE!


"hissssssss." no wonder it wakes me up every morning. it lives outside my bedroom window. and it's laid eggs! it's made its home on my balcony, and top of that nest-like tarp. so this is awkward because you're not allowed to touch or move the eggs or hassle with a migratory bird's nest (per federal regulations) so i'm not sure what to do about this.

3/7-3/10

How many days was your weekend? How many apes did you befriend? Huh?

I had a three-day weekend because I just wanted an extra day off. No occasion for it. Friday night... nothing worth reporting. Oh, I cleaned out my freezer. There was stuff in there from when I first moved in three years ago.

Saturday night, big party in honor of Lee moving into Damian's house (both those guys are linked over there) and Danny H.'s birthday (he will be linked soon but isn't yet due to laziness).

Lots of good folk there. I almost found myself in a quagmire of a political argument but luckily Scott showed up with his new sword and distracted everybody.


You might remember that last week his old sword was stolen. This sword is way better. So much more honorable.

Some little girl put a dinosaur on my head. Kids have the worst jokes.


Also, black velvet painting of a temple.

I wish I had more pictures of the party but I'm sure someone out there in the blog-o-sphere has some.

On Sunday I got really confused and thought it was still last Sunday so I drove for hours to visit an old mining town and cemetery. My life is reruns, man.

Actually, my mom up and adopted herself a cat. She spent weeks researching pet adoption sites and finally found one she liked in Rifle, Colorado. The foster parents agreed to meet halfway in Price, Utah so my mother and I had ourselves a little road trip.

The early morning got off to a bad start when the fowl conspired to block my egress.



They wouldn't move! I inched closer and closer and honked the horn, and more ducks would come sit in the road. So we didn't end up taking my car.

Morning sure is pretty. I wish I could see it more often.


Before we get to the journey, how about you meet the new cat.


She's a very regal thing, but still quite skittish. Haven't decided on a name yet. The final candidates are Sushi, Maneki-Neko, Wasabi, and Ricky.

The drive to Price is on the perilous Highway 6. Old school Microsuede readers will remember that I wrote about this last year. Sunday morning was great though. No traffic, clear skies. It's actually a nice scenic drive.


We had some time to kill so we stopped by the old mining town of Helper. It's aged much better than Eureka, and people still live there since the coal-mining industry hasn't dried up yet.

Old signs, yep.


The streets were empty because I guess everyone was in church. Or working the mines. Or dead.



Lies! Piggly Wiggly only operates in seventeen U.S. states.

On the way back I wanted to stop at an old cemetery just off the Highway. It's called Mill Fork, and the graves there are very very old but it's still maintained by the descendants.


This section contains fourteen unknown travelers that were killed by Indians in the 1800s.

Leaving the cemetery some IDIOT was overconfident in the four-wheel drive and got us stuck in the snow. That same idiot had to crawl around on his hands and knees digging snow with an empty water bottle between intervals of pushing and lifting the car. Luckily another wayward traveler happened by and helped out. Thanks, whoever you are.


Sunday night: THE SERIES FINALE OF THE WIRE!!! - 30 -


Monday, the third day. Now look, I complain alot about that goose that's alway hassling me. You might think I'm just goofing around but it's a serious problem. This is the view from my bedroom window Monday morning.


Nothing on my plate Monday except for going to the zoo to look at orangutans. Kind of ridiculous that I watch them on TV all the time but haven't bothered to go see them in real life when four of them are only minutes away.

The zoo has a two year old named Acara, and she's awesome.

Here's the father, Eli. He's like a big ball of chewbacca.



Eve, the mother. She seemed to be in some distress today and Eli and Acara tried to comfort her to no avail.


This cool customer is Talukan. He's in a separate area from the other family, all by himself.

He yawns alot.


The best part is when Acara came over to say hi.

I almost always have my laptop with me, and I pulled it out to try to take a picture with the Mac-Cam. That's when she first came over. She was fascinated with my computer. Every time I pulled it back out she came over to take a look.



Finally, here's a gorilla reading the paper.

two twenty nine thru three two oh eight

Victory!

Seriously though, as much as I talk about this stuff, please don't take it as a recommendation. Sometimes it's not very good.

Friday! Stayed up late re-watching the Wire. Are you sick of me talking about the Wire yet? Well there's only one episode left so we'll be done soon.

Saturday! Scotty had a bad day. Scoundrels stole his sword (maybe) and used it so smash his car window (possibly). While he was cleaning up the debris some punk-ass teenagers made fun of his vest.

Danny, Chris, and I were going to take him to lunch. I was lobbying heavily to go to Hooters because hey, that would be ridiculous. We ended up at the Red Iguana instead. I wish I had my camera so I could take pictures of the creepy playground at the creepy motel next door.

Really only one thing to do after that. Experiments with rocketry.

On his own blog Scotty has already proved that attaching bottle rockets to a paper airplane will only end in disappointment. That didn't stop us from trying again anyway.

Disappointment. But what about strapping a rocket engine to a balsa wood glider?

3...2...1...

Faster the blink of an eye the thing took off, looped, and came right back at us. All I could capture was the trail of smoke.

and the fate of the glider.

Scott claims the projectile came within inches of his head. I cannot deny nor verify this.

Sunday! Faster than the blink of an eye a plan was devised by my grandpa to go to Delta, Utah (far away) to look at the migrating snow geese that stop there every year on the way up north. I had to get up at 6am which you know I love doing, and then me and my grandpa Gordon and my own selfish brother Michael hit the road.

And what a long lonely road it was.

Cool sights along the way.

This is the Santaquin/Goshen/Genola/Elberta area of Utah. This is where my people come from. In the mid-1800s the clan that would become the Sampsons came from overseas and settled in this shithole.

The semi-ghost town of Eureka. The population peaked at about 4,000 in the 1920s, but now it's down to about 700.

Main Street.

Eureka is the 34th most roofless town in America.

This cabin belonged to Porter Rockwell.

Besides being a stone-cold killer, Rockwell was also a noted beard enthusiast.

Eureka's Theater. I guess people were a lot smaller back then.

There are old mine shafts everywhere. I'm not sure how authentic this one is because I don't think anyone would ever really write a letter backwards.

I don't know what El Chupe means. Maybe it means "the shrimp."

The Eureka Cemetery. There are guys here that were killed in the Civil War.

Finally, to Delta! They love their snow geese in Delta.

If there's one thing we know about Gordon, it's that he's always on the outside looking in.

Took a wrong turn and stumbled upon the site of the Gunnison Bend Massacre. In 1853 Eight surveyors were killed here by a band of angry Native Americans.

Spooky place. Feels massacre-y.

Finally we found the reservoir for some goose watching. Yeah, I guess that's a lot of geese.

There were probably, I dunno, a million geese gathered on the water. Unfortunately they stayed in an area that wasn't accessible.

The wind and cold proved that a little bit of geese watching goes a long way, so we stopped for lunch at one of Delta's two restaurants. I am fascinated by this odd garnish.

Hours later I finally got back home, where I found this jerk waiting for me.

I hate him so much!