chop

While on my lunchbreak I caught my visage in the rear view mirror and noticed an unruly cowlick. I decided that now would be as good a time as any to get my hair shortened, and being that the sun was shining and the sky was clear I was in no hurry to return to work.

I drove around to a few of the more popular chain outlets, but the upcoming three day weekend had brought out the crowds. On my way to yet another clippery I passed an independent barber shop. It didn't have a pole, but it did have a large particle-board sign advertising a trim for five dollars less than I normally pay. Following my natural sense of adventure I pulled in to the pot-holed parking lot and went inside.

I expected to open the door and see an old man with a white coat and a dry voice. Instead there was a green-skinned black-eyed man sitting at a computer desk. The place was dark save for columns of light produced by harsh overheard fluorescents. Looked and smelled more like the waiting room of a sleazy auto-repair shop than a barber shop. The peculiar man gestured to what looked like a chair swiped from a 747 and told me he had to finish something up. He returned to his computer and clicked intermittently. An older bearded gentleman rose from a shadowy corner and eyed me suspiciously. Retreating to a back room. I sat down and found myself facing myself, reflected in a large gaudy mirror resting on a "natural" wooden table. My doppelganger was framed by Broadway showcards stuffed into the mirror's edges. The concrete walls were covered in pictures of wild animals. Coyotes, cougars, wolves. Stacks everywhere. VCRs, chairs, coats, rags. Throughout the duration of my time there I heard the "phone is off the hook" dialtone. Err-Err-Err-Err-Err-Err-Err.

I slyly turned to see what my "stylist" was working on. He was playing World of Warcraft. Playing World of Warcraft and drinking whisky. Jack Daniel's, straight from the bottle.

He finally finished what he was doing and mumbled to me "Sorry, was sending an e-mail to my ex-girlfriend. Where are my clippers..."

I smelled a pungent smoke about his person that may have explained his slow movements. The haircut was completed without conversation, which is the way I prefer it anyway.

Pretty good haircut though.

Happy Valentime's Day from your friends at Microsuede

Don't worry!

two eight through two ten aught eight

This weekend is pictureless. I did stuff, but I have nothing to show for it. Might make for a boring blog entry -

"They're all boring!"

What's this? Blog hecklers? I'll put that rapscallion in his place! You're all boring!

I'm fighting a cold. Not very happy about that. Friday night I didn't want to leave home at all so I just hung out and watched the monkey show and a lousy Jazz game. Finally at about 1am I realized I should get some cold medicine and went to the 24-hour Wal-Meth, Mart. I love going to Wal-Mart late at night. It's always an adventure and I always see such interesting characters there.

Not this time though. Nothing interesting to report at all.

Saturday I drove my own selfish brother, Michael around so he could go bowling. Then I had to drive all over the damn place to find a McDonald's that serves my latest addiction, iced coffee. Seriously their iced coffee is really good and I'm sure they're doing something sinister to make me crave it so much. Problem is I think only two places in the whole Valley actually serve it. I may have to write a letter.

Saw Charlie Wilson's War with Natali. Good flick. Phillip Seymour Hoffman was great as per usual.

Went over to Andy and Cherie's and helped kick in a door, which was very satisfying even though it terrified the dog and made her shake like a tickle-me Elmo.

Then I had a date with my one true love, Greek Souvlaki. Since I was still sick I needed some chicken soup for the soul. Well, I needed it more for the belly than the soul because I was also very hungry.

Made it a two-movie day and saw There Will Be Blood. Maybe I can work in a photo here.


Oil! What a tense movie.

Sunday was incredible. Blue skies, fifty degrees. It reminded me that there's such a thing as "not winter." Spent a good part of the day working on the brakes on my car which have been grinding fiercely the last few days. Chris was nice enough to take the time to help. And by "help" I mean "do it" because I am mechanically inept. The brake doesn't grind anymore now so that's good.

At this very moment I am listing things on ebay. I've never sold anything before but I just got my first bite so that's pretty exciting.

"Pretty exciting? More like pretty who-the-hell-cares-ing!"

Man, hecklers.

Tag-Ged

It finally happened. I've been tagged with one of these get-to-know you blog quizzes. I like these, actually. I see them on other people's blogs and and wonder why no one wants to tag me. Then I think "Well I'm too good for these things anyway!" but really there aren't many things I'm too good for. Anyway, Cindy (mindy-pindy) tagged me, so here we go.


A. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning
B. Each player answers the questions about themselves
C. At the end of the post, the player tags 4 people and posts their names, then goes to their blog and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they are tagged

10 years ago I was:
A senior in high school. Driving a blue Explorer that smelled of pine tree air fresheners. WAY into ska music. Sporting a head full of thick lustrious locks. I didn't wear glasses, but I did wear dumb pants. I had a crush on the girl I sat next to in art history. Also I was way into art history.

5 things on my 'to do' list today:
1. Remove the sword from my head
2. Lost/Project Runway
3. eat tomato snacks
4. finish writing my novel
5. think globally, act locally

Things I would do if I became a billionaire:
1. save the orangutans
2. fix the schools, somehow
3. get some pants that fit
4. buy a lot of records
5. probably quit my job

3 of my bad habits:
1. Being late for everything
2. half-assery
3. I say "like" too much

5 places I've lived
1. East Holladay
2. West-Central Holladay
3. Central Holladay
4. Centralized Central Holladay
5. East Murray

5 jobs I've had
1. Library Guy
2. Hotel Call Center
3. Paper Company
4. Hotel Call Center
5. Whatever it is I do now

Things most people don't know about me:
1. I'm afraid of whales
2. The whole reason I started this blog is because I wanted a girl to see how clever I am. But I haven't even talked to her in almost a year anyway.

You've been tagged:
I'm actually not going to tag anyone. Do as you will, bloggers.

the way I feel today

Rock the Vote

I voted today, and I found it to be rather exhilarating. Does that make me a "square?" Am I not "cool" enough for your hip coffee jazz clubs, daddio? Well if believing in democracy (or representative republics) makes me a square, than by golly I guess I'm a square.

two one through two three oh eight

I slept too much this weekend. Even more than usual. I really need to sleep more during the week so I don't need to catch up on the weekends. Whatever. This conversation is boring.

Friday. One of the worst days of work ever. Maybe not the worst, but the most cause-for-irritation days ever.

Friday night I ate a giant burrito. I literally thought I might die. Turns out there's such a thing as too much burrito. Then I settled in and watched the two best shows on television. The Wire (five episodes) and Orangutan Island.

Man I just can't get enough of those little orange guys.

Saturday I saw the Editors in concert at a converted old theatre called the Avalon. I've only been to this place once, many years ago when it was home to a hypnotist. That was a cold windy Saturday night in high school and whenever I think of things I hated about my life back then, that night sums it all up. Ah well. Onward and upward.

Unfortunately while standing in line I froze to death. The end.

Maybe not "to death," but I was awfully cold. The iced coffee I was drinking probably didn't help.


Good venue for a concert, I think. Waited an hour for the first band, Louis XIV. They were acceptable. Up next was Hot Hot Heat. I actually really like their music, and they put on a nice show for the kids. Seems most everyone there was to see HHH. Afterwards I was going to give them an extra couple bucks, but then I saw this.


Editors! Dude. Editors. Incredible show from start to finish.








As I type this my ears are still ringing. That's probably not a good thing, right?

Sunday. Superbowl Sunday. Danny hosted a party at the Bud. Just as I arrived the snow came in.


Good times were had by all. I actively participated in the sin of gluttony. It also occurred to me that I am a pretty good neighbor. Way better than the doucheboxes in my building that blast techno music 24/7.



My little buddy Cash was very afraid of the fish at first, but eventually became incredibly enthusiastic about them. "RIGHT THERE!!!! SWIMMING IN THE WATER!!!!!"


Pretty great football game by the way.

After the game, BATTLE SQUATS.


I'm not very good at BATTLE SQUATS. I generally have poor balance.




The end.