common side effects include drowsiness and mime hallucinations

You wouldn't think it would be that hard to recap very recent events in one's own life. Yet I find myself frozen at the keyboard, unable to summarize the events of Christmas week. I was hoping that by diving on in I'd find my groove, but I just spent about an hour between typing "... Christmas week." and "I was hoping..."

Well whatever.

Tuesday night. Tuesday had that "last day of school" feeling. I guess that Christmas Break excitement that you pick up in grade school never really leaves. After work I went to one of my downtown safehouses to watch the Jazz lose badly in a game that wasn't interesting to watch. But the night still had a happy ending when we found ourselves with a huge bag of balloon animal balloons. The reasons for this are too complicated and dull to get into, but balloon animals is the shit, yo. Check out this one:

Yeah Terrence made that one. Here's one of mine:


To be fair, he had the instruction book and I did not. Plus, did anyone really expect me to be good at balloon animals? Have you ever seen me try to wrap a present or write my own name?

Christmas Eve Morn I got up like way early and went to breakfast with some of the crew. I was satisfied with my breakfast, but I feel like it could have been more exotic. There was also some controversy over fresh fruit, but maybe that busker TR can explain that.

I zipped around to do some last minute Christmas shopping and it wasn't bad at all. I expected less parking spaces and more sharp elbows to the ribs. One thing I didn't expect at all was this:

I don't often see Native American Mimes dancing and miming on a street corner in front of the dollar theaters. What was she doing there? My comic book- I mean, drug dealer Greg said "maybe she's protesting against Indians that talk too much." That's a good explanation. More likely though, I think she was just embracing the indie-film idea of making the world more magical or something like that. Normally I would scoff at such an idea but hey, it got me talking. Godspeed, girl.


I classed it up for our family Christmas party. I tied a Windsor knot in my necktie for the first time. Usually I just go with the four-in-hand which is strange because I like symmetry. There aren't any pictures of Handsome B but here's Mikey keepin' it cool.


There was a really awesome cheese log and cracker platter but you'll have to imagine it because the picture I took was grotesque.

Gordon is not gonna put up with any bullshit.


Christmas Morning. Awwww look at the cat she thinks she's presents!



Mikey wanted an iPhone but I couldn't afford that so I just made one for him.


I asked him to take pictures of the family and stuff but instead he took about fifty pictures exactly like this.



I got some fun stuff. Like this, Joy Division's "Love Will Tear Us Apart" on vinyl. That's one of the best songs there is.


The problem is there are three different versions. This has the March 1980 version, but I like the January 1980 version much better. I didn't know that it would be the lesser (in my opinion) version on this record. But it's got a cool cover and it's on green vinyl and there are secret messages written on the inner groove so that's cool.

I also got a bitchin' coffee table book about the history of Marvel Comics. It yielded this discovery:


That night I went to see the Curious Case of Benjamin Button. A massive ice storm hit right as I left the house and I was worried that I'd have to spend the night inside of a taun-taun. From what I understand, they smell bad.

I really hated this movie. Hated it! If you want me to be more specific as to why, we can have that conversation. Also from now on I'm boycotting the Gateway Theaters. They're dirty. The crowd is bad. They have assigned seating, which on the surface sounds like a good idea but it's actually not. And the aisles are so narrow that it is impossible to walk past seated people unless you're as nimble as a giraffe.

I mean, the whole framing story with the Hurricane was completely unnecessary, and the tone and style were inconsistent throughout, and the "gimmick" was never really addressed and I'm not even sure ... forget it.

But hey! It's time for one of my patented and hilarious movie review lolcats!


Snow continued throughout the weekend. I had to take a pack of sled dogs to work on Friday. This gives you an idea of how much snow fell in a 24 minute period.

Driving home was a little slippery.

I'm done talking about this.

raiding

Remember how I collect records? I do, and I used to too. In Junior High I was obsessed with a certain group from Liverpool, a group that drew me into the world of '60s rock n' roll, a world that I later rejected, and then later unrejected. That group of course was Frankie Goes to Hollywood.

But another decent group from Liverpool is The Beatles. Mid '90s I had a stash of Beatles LPs. I didn't listen to them because I didn't have a record player, I just liked to have them.

So now I have a turntable and big speakers and a decent collection of platters so it makes no sense to leave my old records buried. The past few weeks I've been searching all over the place (within reason) with no luck, so I knew they must be in The Tunnel. This is a pitch black storage space under the porch that's about four feet wide and fifty feet long. It's packed floor to ceiling with storage crates, the contents of which will prove invaluable for the Bryton History Museum. It's EXACTLY like the last scene of Raiders of the Lost Ark.


That doesn't dissuade me at all. Look how heroic I am.

Through the plastic I spy the blue border of The Beatles: 1967-1970. The records are at the bottom of the bottom-most crate, below six heavy mofos.

Finally I get to the crate I need. What's in that file folder? Some secrets are better left buried.


I had to put the flashlight down to better dig and suddenly a huge hairy thing brushed passed me. I kinda freaked out. But it was just Neko.


The crate yielded other treasures as well.


"Jump Around." One of two Jump themed hits that year.

Yes! My records!

Some of these were my dads, some I got on my own. Once in a while on a Saturday he'd kick in my door early and say "let's go downtown." I was 13 years old so I didn't go downtown often. It was always a big deal, and the routine was always similar. We'd stop by his office to get the best fountain Coke in the world, then to the weirdo antique store on West Temple, then Randy's Records where I'd buy cheap Beatles albums and gaze at the expensive mint condition ones behind the counter. Then the DI, then Greek Souvlaki, then home. Those were good Saturdays.

I got Led Zeppelin IV at the DI for a buck. I think it's a first printing. Also this is image inside Led Zeppelin IV was the design of the first rock n' roll t-shirt I ever bought.


Silly wizard. Also the Selecter and Specials records are great so if you ever want to come over and skank just let me know.

Movie Review: Twilight

if you like this, more whackness at http://www.popsuede.com/ . Lolcats and other nonsense!

News on the March

Item! How many Tomato Snacks can B. eat during an hour-long episode of Lost?


Sixteen.


All told I think I ate two tomatoes and half a baguette. My friend JenP makes these every week for Lost and I like them so much that this week she made me my own platter. Mmmmm.

Item! This is what Salt Lake looks like right now.



It's also what my lungs feel like. I have a bit of a cold, but the Valley is also suffering from an inversion, which traps the smog and suffocates us all. We need a good storm to clear it out. The hazy air makes me angry and it feels like I should be able to complain to someone, but I guess I'm part of the problem since I drive a gas-guzzling SUV.

Item! A while ago I mentioned that I'm a big fan of comic/pin-up artist Josh Howard. I contacted him by e-mail and we made arrangements for him to draw an original piece for me. He has his own characters and also does great interpretations of various pop-culture sci-fi/fantasy icons. I had a hard time deciding what to have him draw but finally it hit me like a bolt of lightning. Rosie the Riveter! I've always kind of had a thing for Rosie.


I got my piece in the mail today and I couldn't be happier. So cool. I wish I could draw curves like that.



Item! Finally, sad news out of the B. camp as the cat, Wiggie passed away on Wednesday.

19 years old! He was a great little animal. Very mellow, just liked to hang out and eavesdrop on conversations. He always watched The Wire with me, though I'm not sure if he enjoyed the show or if I was just sitting in his spot. Catch you later on down the trail buddy.