three stars!

While we impatiently wait for what is sure to be another epic post about my trip to Cosmic Con, enjoy this examination of the uncanny resemblance between me and various Top Chef judges.

Seattle Part 3: lots of pictures of water but even more pictures of me

From now on whenever I'm Seattle I will only take my breakfast here.

Why? Because look at this french toast that's why.

IT IS SO GOOD! The french toast that is. Probably the 7th best thing I've ever eaten. And the hash browns make all other hash browns look like nothing more than shredded fried potatoes. The 5 Spot had a Cannery Row theme when I was there, but I guess the theme rotates. I have three copies of Cannery Row but I've never read it.

The day before was the Twin Peaks tour, but I also really wanted to see where they filmed the logo for Frasier and Nathaniel was happy to oblige.


Oh look here's a candid photo of me that I didn't even know was being taken.

I think Nathaniel is trying something funny there in the background...

At this point our gang split up and Leesaland went to visit family while Nathaniel, his ladyfriend Julie and I decided to make an amphibious crossing.

While on the ferry someone took another totally unposed picture of me where I wasn't even trying to look cool.

We crossed through some woods on our way to Port Townsend and its state park, Fort Worden.

Prior to 1890, if you wanted to invade the Pacific Northwest via Puget Sound this was THE place to do it. Unfortunately for you the US Gov't realized that and built a bunch of cannon forts to thwart your fiendish plan.

Fort Worden housed some massive guns that required fifty-six men just to load. Read this, it's like you were there!

Magneto Lever! Our enemies didn't stand a chance with Magneto on our side.

They don't really take the "historic" part of this historic place very seriously and it's basically just a big dangerous urine-soaked playground.

Lots of narrow tunnels and ominous stairways. Where does this lead? What awaits me in that blinding white light? Is my judgment at hand?

Oh, no it's just Nathaniel and Julie!

Nice view from up top. Probably worse places for a soldier to have been stationed. Although for all I know those woods are crawling with Bigfoots.

It's just not an adventure with Nathaniel without a picture of him peaking out of something.

The fort was overrun with a youth group having a marshmallow fight with marshmallow guns. The charisma-free leaders of the group were loudly warning the kids to not shoot civilians with the mallows but that didn't stop some girl from blasting me in the crotch. Luckily it didn't hurt because it was just a marshmallow and also I always wear a protective cup.

Oh hello, I didn't see you there, with the camera.

That parking lot there was full of campers and no matter where you went there was a radio playing "Freebird."


My favorite part of Fort Worden was the graffiti. I'm not sure who my audience is so I'll go ahead and warn that there is blue language afoot.

This poor Darius guy. Not only does he have a small/missing penis but no one can even agree on the spelling of his name.




Not all the graffiti was negative though. This one was downright uplifting.


The chambers in the Fort were really echoey which was great for singing Stone Temple Pilots at the top of my lungs.

This picture has nothing to do with the above statement.


This picture is the opposite of a picture you've already seen. Can you guess which picture?


So that's a lighthouse. I've seen a lot of lighthouses, now that I think back. You know the movie Pete's Dragon? That's about a lighthouse right? That movie scares the shit out of me.

Just looking at the sound, casually, the way I normally stand when I look at things.


This seagull knows more than he's letting on.

Fat Smitty's, home of the Fat Smitty Burger. A place that asks, "Hey, why don't you carve a face into that wooden object?" You should click on this picture to embiggify it and see all the crazy wooden stuff.


The Smitty clan is patriotic, as evidenced by this eag.

And this wacky hat.

And all these pictures of George Washington.

And this stuff.

And that salmon. I call this picture the Smittysburg Address.

The Smittysburg Address! I just thought of that. I'm really proud of it.

This was a cool spot along the sound. Really pretty and wavy there. The tide was high but I was holdin' on.



I don't remember the name of this city but it's home to a bikini coffee stand and also a submarine club. Whoever was piloting this one really messed up on the surfacing.

Probably the same guy that parked this plane.

Oh wait, this is where they filmed the comedy classic Down Periscope!


(I wonder if I can work in any more Frasier references...)

Ferry ride back to the city. I wandered the deck of the ship and had a brief but memorable romance with a girl in a red sweater. Also I saw Mt. Ranier. It's floating, right?

Sun's settin'.


It was the 4th of July and we were all very non-committal over whether or not to watch fireworks. I really like fireworks but I didn't remember until it was too late so I was like "eh whatever."

There was a big crowd of people in this park facing the Space Needle. We figured they must know something that we didn't re: firework views.


This reminds me of an ink blot test.

It turns out the people in the park didn't know anything. Probably one jerk just sat down and more and more people came by and saw that one jerk and then sat down themselves and the whole thing just snowballed. If it was a hundred years earlier we probably would have founded a city.

The fireworks started and they were obscured by trees, so the whole crowd of people got up and ran toward the trees. But the thing is, the view actually got worse the closer you were to the trees, because of uh, geometry. No one seemed to understand that.


Happy Independence Day! Okay we're done with Seattle. Thanks for letting me crash at your pad Nathaniel! Also thanks for sending me the video of bears playing hockey.

Seattle part 2: a fish in the percolator

So here's the problem with the driving all night plan. We get to Seattle at 730 in the AM, then sleep til mid-afternoon, then spend the rest of the weekend all sorts of groggy. Had we stopped for the night in Boise we would have arrived about the same time we were re-waking up, but instead been refreshed from a good night's sleep. Sometimes it pays to think things through, I guess.

There was really only one thing I wanted to accomplish on this trip, and that was to see where Pearl Jam went to high school.

All down hill from here.

Does this look appetizing or gross? Not the food itself, just the picture. I like taking close-up pictures of my food okay?

Well just so you know it was good. So good I had two plates worth.

This hotel is fireproof. These days we're so concerned about wi-fi and thread counts that we've forgotten that fireproof was once a luxury.

Nathaniel is a skilled tour guide and he took us down to North Bend/Schcenectity to see some of the sites that made up the fictional town of Twin Peaks.


I watched Twin Peaks when it was first on the air. I was 10 years old. I really liked it but maybe I didn't quite get it? I'd like to think I did. I was a smart little guy. I watched it again recently when the fancy gold box DVD came out, one episode per night for about two straight weeks. Heckuva show.

Here's the Great Northern Hotel. Pretty remarkable view regardless of any idiot-box connections.

Ronette Polaski's bridge. (right now people that have never seen Twin Peaks are tuning out)


The train tracks have been replaced with a bike path, and the tragic zombie-woman has been replaced with a fat blogger.

Very serene place, especially in that pre-sunset time.


This was not easy to find, but thanks to modern marvels we tracked down the Packard Saw Mill -

- and the sheriff's office.

The saw mill is long abandoned and would have made for some great adventuring but it was almost dark and there were too many no trespassing signs. Actually the no trespassing signs weren't as bothersome as the black mid-'80s Cadillac that stood sentry. I didn't want to run into the guy that belonged to that car. It might have been Bob.

The Double-R diner. We got there past closing but I guess it burned down a few years ago and didn't look the same inside anyway. Could have learned a thing or two from the fireproof hotel.

I don't think this was in Twin Peaks, but I like the way it looks nonethesame.

Back to Seattle!
We went to Beth's Cafe, which promotes my third favorite sin.

It was full of Zombies. Earlier in the night there was a zombie gathering that set the record for most idiots funlovers gathering together and acting like zombies.

Beth's walls are covered in cren drawings commemorating those that have passed before. This was mighty clever.

You see, it's play on the painting that says "ceci n'est pas une pipe," but instead of a Pipe it's R.E.M singer Michael Stipe! Jajajajajaja!

Beth's specialty is a 12 pound omelette or something. I didn't try it. I got the omelette burger instead.

After supping Nathaniel was nice enough to take me around to see some of his favorite neon! What a great day.



Wooosh!