Days of Thunder part 1: of Muds and Salts

This song tells you everything you need to know.



But not yet.

There are some things a man does that he can never forgive himself for. Like last year on May 10th when I slept in and missed Lee's birthday brunch and thusly missed out on an impromptu trip to my favorite ghosty town, Eureka. That was the first of what will hopefully be many Lee's Birthday Adventures, and I'll be damned if I was going to miss the second.

Westward bound, Interstate 80, the most unforgiving Interstate in the whole system. It's here, past the Ruins, that I cross into parts unknown, the furthest west I've ever been on the 80.

It's a hearty crew. Lee and Lisa, the Couple Horton, Nathaniel of Seattle, and Scotty, Resident Geologist and Wearer of Fancy Hats. As we stabbed westward the Great Salt Lake faded away and we found ourselves driving through the ghosts of Lake Bonneville.

On either side of the road are these vast beds of strange clay-like mud. Looks solid but it's actually all squishy. People have written messages in the mud with black rocks or upside-down beer bottles. We figured it would be pretty foolish to drive past and not vandalize the wilderness so we pulled over and took a look around.

I told you this stuff was squishy. Also, notice that there is only one set of footprints.

It was bright and the mud was freaking us out so we opted against leaving our own rock message. And we couldn't think of anything good to write except for maybe the word "boner." I hastily assembled this B and we were on our way.

Do you like blinding white light and incomprehensible vastness? Then the Bonneville Salt Flats are for you!

Scott, being a man of the dirt, paused to take it all in.

I asked him to explain the geologic properties of the Salt Flats but I didn't like his answer so I dropped him.

Nathaniel is like "too bright!" and Lisa is all "What's the big deal?" (cause sunglasses). Meanwhile Lee captures the moment.

The Bonneville Salt Flats are where crazy people with crazy rocket cars go to set land speed records. I wanted to drive out on them but wasn't sure if the salt would ruin my car. I don't know much about cars. Or salt.

Since I didn't want to drive on it, I decided to set a new land speed record on foot!

Once that was done though it was a long agonizing walk back to the car.

Mysterious Interloper: "See that mountain out there that looks like it's floating? It's actually 22 miles away."

Scott: "But it is floating, right?"

Mysterious Interloper: "No."

We're only one-third of the way done. Next time, a border incursion into the sinful pocket of West Wendover, Nevada.

scenes from a ballpark

-Awkward Athelete PSA:

"As a kid, I was taught to be aggressive on the basepaths. But the exact opposite! Is TRUE behind the wheel! Of a car.

-Saw a brave cowboy that looked like he was carved out of Tommy Lee Jones. Stern and stoic, blowing his nose into a handkerchief, being all cowboy-like. Then I noticed that his "boots" were actually some croc-like shoe disguised to look like cowboy boots. Way to disappoint us all, dude.

-Wanted to buy a cool zip-up hoodie, but it was $55. $55! I think we can blame AIG for that.

-Player on the other team named Callix Crabbe. Harry Potter character?

-Decided it was finally time to eat a ridiculous hot dog. A huge monstrosity smothered with vegetables I don't like and odd sauces. And you know what? It was great. I'd do it again and with a clear conscience.

That's John Lackey, World Series hero and big time Major League Angel. Five innings, one hit. Nice.


Two grand slams in one inning? That's too many grand slams!


Just kidding. It's the right amount of grand slams.

I went to high school with that lunging man.


With a 13-0 lead, the Bees got cocky. This guy went to the plate without a bat.


Look at this guy, trying to pretend that he doesn't see the mascot. Like gingivitis, the "ignore it and it will go away" method just doesn't work.



It wasn't a full moon, but it was still werewolfy.

I dunno, Spring Mobile Ballpark is an awkward name. No ring to it at all. And I don't think I'll ever be convinced to start calling cell phones mobile phones.


I decided that it was finally safe to remove my Obama sticker. I've done all I can. He'll have to take it from here.


Replaced with this one, in case people behind me forget what city they're in.

Shoot, I don't remember what I did with the Obama sticker. It was only like ten minutes ago. I hope I didn't throw it out. I want to keep it with all my other political memorabilia (a Pete Ashdown button and a picture of Elvis and Nixon).

The end.

minimal

after laughter comes tears

Hey! I'm here. Starting in to Week 2 on the NJ (new job). TGIM am I right? Here are some quick impressions after Week 1:

- the break room has six garbage cans.

- there's a field full of sheep nearby.

- I was reaching in the fridge for my lunch and accidentally knocked over a huge tupperware thing full of lima beans. My goodness there were beans everywhere! I picked them up one by one even though they were gross and slimy. I felt really bad though because if someone had destroyed my snack, even as weird a snack as that, I'd be pretty cranked. So I left a note and a dollar on the now empty tupperware thing in the fridge. Later that day I was back in the breakroom trying to decide which garbage can to throw my empty sugar packets in when a few people had a laugh at my note, not knowing it was me. I guess they find decency funny.

Friday night I decided to celebrate the new job proper by hitting the town. Went to the gallery stroll. It was uh... well the weather was nice. Apparently some people really don't care for it though.

Then we went to the Bayou (a private club for members) where I accidentally ordered a drink in a fancy glass with a straw. That happens to me a lot and I hate it. From now on the only cocktail I'm ever going to order is a lemon juice and lighter fluid.

Whoa by the way I can't say enough good things about the ahi taco at the Bayou. I want some right now.

I got a little buzzy but I tried really hard to keep it professional so as not to appear foolish.

Big Lebowski, for probably the 78th time. Still holds up.

I slept on a couch and left for home at 6am. Almost every street was blocked by a battalion of cop cars. I didn't know what was going on and assumed the worst but it turns out they were just blocking the route for the Salt Lake Marathon. That little fun run nearly ruined Record Store Day.


(illustration courtesy of http://thisismattsart.blogspot.com/)


Record Store Day! My new favorite holiday, right up there with Thanksgiving and Comic-Con. It's a nationwide event to promote indie record stores. Lots of limited edition vinyl was released just for RSD. It was amazing. I got to Graywhale as it opened and they sold out of everything within a few minutes. There was this Beard Guy there being a real beardguy and I had to be impolite in order to grab New Order's "Temptation" before they ran out. I went to another store later and the same Beard Guy was being all loud and stupid. Anyway here's what I got.

Is it dorky that I laid everything out and took a picture of it? Remember Green Day's "Dookie"? Did you like it when you were 14? Well it turns out it's actually even better than you remember. Listen to it again, front to back. Do it! That Misfits album was probably the CD I played the most back in 2001. The CD is too scratched to even play now.

I think my favorite thing is a 45 I bought not even knowing what it was. Lykke Li - After Laughter.

Sunday I went to a church for a baptism. It was a great looking church. Nice modern, refreshing design.

And the pastor looked just like the Transporter.

Angry Woman overheard at Target: "They are making WAY too big of a deal about Wolverine!"

Different Angry Woman: "Star Wars! There's a whole aisle just for Star Wars! Argh!"

The good news is, they finally made an action figure of the singer from Nickelback.

the lord's chips

Wow what a weekend! I wore a tie and then got a job so I went to the Pioneer Museum and got an iPhone and for the first time ever ate tacos from a cart on the street and then baseball home opener and Nacho Libre and soft little goats and Emily A. got peed on by a rabbit and later I wore a wig and the next morning ate so much breakfast and then Gordon spent four hours talking about potatoes.

Whew! Let's slow it down a bit. Big job interview Friday morning. Later that afternoon I found out I got it so I did what any young man in a celebrating sort of mood would do.

I went to look at portraits of grim, scowling people at the Pioneer Memorial Museum.

This place is great and you should go there if you haven't ever been, or if you haven't been back since that once field trip in Elementary School.

They have all sorts of cool stuff in addition to portraits. Like a creepy flag.


And proof that the 1880s were truly the Golden Age of party invitation and souvenir program design.



The museum also has rocks a plenty, bones (animal bones and baby skull), old tools, guns and swords, a big stained glass window, a room full of creepy dolls, ladies pioneer clothing (hott!), Indian stuff, and a coke machine.

I had my first taco cart taco. From now on that will be all I eat.

Just like last year, coooold opening day for your Salt Lake Bees. Great game.

The flag was at half-mast for Nick Adenhart, who spent most of last season wearing the Bees' black and gold. I'd be lying if I said I remembered seeing him play, but I may have at some point. This story had me in tears.


...
Friday night I was forced to watch Nacho Libre against my will. I was all ready to hate it but then I accidentally really loved it. Hahahaha. Oh Nacho.


Hey, look at this cute little guy, dressed all nice for the day's work.


Waitaminute what's in his briefcase? No...

Saturday: eight people, two cars, heading north. A brief stop in Ogden, the most photogenic city in America.*



* -if you like photos of neon signs, old diners bars and motels, old churches, abandoned factories, and train tracks. Which I do.

Why this trip? To see the lost spirit of America's farmland. To find the holy in the rust and dirt. To stand among the lightning and let it take it's best shot.



No, we went to play with baby animals!

This goat's fur was as soft as a kitten.


I found a bunny. I named him Ghost. He's a direbunny.

Whoa look at the size of that gut behind me! I just noticed that.

Emily A: "This bunny is peeing on me! It's peeing on me right now!"



She certainly didn't deserve it, but I'm awfully glad it happened.

Everyone seemed to have a favorite animal. Becky liked the goats.


Oh great. One of those old time bicycles that make me so uncomfortable. Time to go.


Goodbye, critters.


Another account of baby animal day here.


Later that night circumstances found me at a tea and wig party. (tea and wig parties are the next twitter. you heard it here first).

This bunny hat made Elin look even more adorable than usual.


And it made Terrence look bad-ass. What a wonderful hat.


Sunday morning I breakfast buffet'd. That was a good decision. That night the family sat down for easter dinner. Since Sean is out of town Neko had to fill in for him.


This is worth repeating:


Monday. First day of work. Bringing it back around with another trip to the taco stand.



And time for this year's official "I Love Springtime in SLC" pic.