Days of Thunder part 2: of flapjacks and jackpots

West Wendover, Nevada. Two hours west of Salt Lake City. Where the sullied go to sin.


The city's slogan is "Wendover Will." As in, "Utah won't let you gamble? Wendover will." "Utah won't sell you full-strength beer? Wendover will." "Salt Lake City won't make you horribly depressed? Wendover will."

Between the discount liquor outlet and the porno shop can be spied the Ferris Wheel of the Damned.

I'm being hard on Wendover, I know. But seriously it's really crappy. And I tend to like things that are really crappy! Like old motel signs. Oh here we go.

Used to hear a lot of ads for the Red Garter. I don't remember the slogan though. "Play Smarter at the Garter"? "Study Harder at the Garter"? I don't know. All I know is cuartos disponinbles esta noche (!!!).

We went looking for food at the Rainbow Hotel and Casino. OMG it's a neon paradise!



I really love the smell of casinos. I don't know if I just like the smell on it's own or if I have good associations with it. A thousand years of cigarette smoke, fancy air freshening, the vague smell of scotch and money and cheap perfume. Ahhhhhh.

We ate at the Over the Rainbow Steakhouse.

Scott: "Is this place good?"
Hostess: "Sure."
Scott "Best in Wendover?"
Hostess: *shrug*

The restaurant was dimly lit with purple neon and had, as Lisa put it, "more fake plants than a fake plant store."

Loud Guy Who Has Auditioned for the Weather Channel Three Times: "No no, it's not too big. Not too big at all. If anything, it's getting smaller!"

"But I've had the same grip on it for years.""But really, it hasn't been the same since I started sanding it regularly."

A thuggish bald security guard got mad at us for getting mud all over the place. Like he could prove anything.

Did I win any money? I don't know, why don't you ask this ten dollar bill.

next time: this stuff is about to get real.

Days of Thunder part 1: of Muds and Salts

This song tells you everything you need to know.



But not yet.

There are some things a man does that he can never forgive himself for. Like last year on May 10th when I slept in and missed Lee's birthday brunch and thusly missed out on an impromptu trip to my favorite ghosty town, Eureka. That was the first of what will hopefully be many Lee's Birthday Adventures, and I'll be damned if I was going to miss the second.

Westward bound, Interstate 80, the most unforgiving Interstate in the whole system. It's here, past the Ruins, that I cross into parts unknown, the furthest west I've ever been on the 80.

It's a hearty crew. Lee and Lisa, the Couple Horton, Nathaniel of Seattle, and Scotty, Resident Geologist and Wearer of Fancy Hats. As we stabbed westward the Great Salt Lake faded away and we found ourselves driving through the ghosts of Lake Bonneville.

On either side of the road are these vast beds of strange clay-like mud. Looks solid but it's actually all squishy. People have written messages in the mud with black rocks or upside-down beer bottles. We figured it would be pretty foolish to drive past and not vandalize the wilderness so we pulled over and took a look around.

I told you this stuff was squishy. Also, notice that there is only one set of footprints.

It was bright and the mud was freaking us out so we opted against leaving our own rock message. And we couldn't think of anything good to write except for maybe the word "boner." I hastily assembled this B and we were on our way.

Do you like blinding white light and incomprehensible vastness? Then the Bonneville Salt Flats are for you!

Scott, being a man of the dirt, paused to take it all in.

I asked him to explain the geologic properties of the Salt Flats but I didn't like his answer so I dropped him.

Nathaniel is like "too bright!" and Lisa is all "What's the big deal?" (cause sunglasses). Meanwhile Lee captures the moment.

The Bonneville Salt Flats are where crazy people with crazy rocket cars go to set land speed records. I wanted to drive out on them but wasn't sure if the salt would ruin my car. I don't know much about cars. Or salt.

Since I didn't want to drive on it, I decided to set a new land speed record on foot!

Once that was done though it was a long agonizing walk back to the car.

Mysterious Interloper: "See that mountain out there that looks like it's floating? It's actually 22 miles away."

Scott: "But it is floating, right?"

Mysterious Interloper: "No."

We're only one-third of the way done. Next time, a border incursion into the sinful pocket of West Wendover, Nevada.

scenes from a ballpark

-Awkward Athelete PSA:

"As a kid, I was taught to be aggressive on the basepaths. But the exact opposite! Is TRUE behind the wheel! Of a car.

-Saw a brave cowboy that looked like he was carved out of Tommy Lee Jones. Stern and stoic, blowing his nose into a handkerchief, being all cowboy-like. Then I noticed that his "boots" were actually some croc-like shoe disguised to look like cowboy boots. Way to disappoint us all, dude.

-Wanted to buy a cool zip-up hoodie, but it was $55. $55! I think we can blame AIG for that.

-Player on the other team named Callix Crabbe. Harry Potter character?

-Decided it was finally time to eat a ridiculous hot dog. A huge monstrosity smothered with vegetables I don't like and odd sauces. And you know what? It was great. I'd do it again and with a clear conscience.

That's John Lackey, World Series hero and big time Major League Angel. Five innings, one hit. Nice.


Two grand slams in one inning? That's too many grand slams!


Just kidding. It's the right amount of grand slams.

I went to high school with that lunging man.


With a 13-0 lead, the Bees got cocky. This guy went to the plate without a bat.


Look at this guy, trying to pretend that he doesn't see the mascot. Like gingivitis, the "ignore it and it will go away" method just doesn't work.



It wasn't a full moon, but it was still werewolfy.

I dunno, Spring Mobile Ballpark is an awkward name. No ring to it at all. And I don't think I'll ever be convinced to start calling cell phones mobile phones.


I decided that it was finally safe to remove my Obama sticker. I've done all I can. He'll have to take it from here.


Replaced with this one, in case people behind me forget what city they're in.

Shoot, I don't remember what I did with the Obama sticker. It was only like ten minutes ago. I hope I didn't throw it out. I want to keep it with all my other political memorabilia (a Pete Ashdown button and a picture of Elvis and Nixon).

The end.

minimal

after laughter comes tears

Hey! I'm here. Starting in to Week 2 on the NJ (new job). TGIM am I right? Here are some quick impressions after Week 1:

- the break room has six garbage cans.

- there's a field full of sheep nearby.

- I was reaching in the fridge for my lunch and accidentally knocked over a huge tupperware thing full of lima beans. My goodness there were beans everywhere! I picked them up one by one even though they were gross and slimy. I felt really bad though because if someone had destroyed my snack, even as weird a snack as that, I'd be pretty cranked. So I left a note and a dollar on the now empty tupperware thing in the fridge. Later that day I was back in the breakroom trying to decide which garbage can to throw my empty sugar packets in when a few people had a laugh at my note, not knowing it was me. I guess they find decency funny.

Friday night I decided to celebrate the new job proper by hitting the town. Went to the gallery stroll. It was uh... well the weather was nice. Apparently some people really don't care for it though.

Then we went to the Bayou (a private club for members) where I accidentally ordered a drink in a fancy glass with a straw. That happens to me a lot and I hate it. From now on the only cocktail I'm ever going to order is a lemon juice and lighter fluid.

Whoa by the way I can't say enough good things about the ahi taco at the Bayou. I want some right now.

I got a little buzzy but I tried really hard to keep it professional so as not to appear foolish.

Big Lebowski, for probably the 78th time. Still holds up.

I slept on a couch and left for home at 6am. Almost every street was blocked by a battalion of cop cars. I didn't know what was going on and assumed the worst but it turns out they were just blocking the route for the Salt Lake Marathon. That little fun run nearly ruined Record Store Day.


(illustration courtesy of http://thisismattsart.blogspot.com/)


Record Store Day! My new favorite holiday, right up there with Thanksgiving and Comic-Con. It's a nationwide event to promote indie record stores. Lots of limited edition vinyl was released just for RSD. It was amazing. I got to Graywhale as it opened and they sold out of everything within a few minutes. There was this Beard Guy there being a real beardguy and I had to be impolite in order to grab New Order's "Temptation" before they ran out. I went to another store later and the same Beard Guy was being all loud and stupid. Anyway here's what I got.

Is it dorky that I laid everything out and took a picture of it? Remember Green Day's "Dookie"? Did you like it when you were 14? Well it turns out it's actually even better than you remember. Listen to it again, front to back. Do it! That Misfits album was probably the CD I played the most back in 2001. The CD is too scratched to even play now.

I think my favorite thing is a 45 I bought not even knowing what it was. Lykke Li - After Laughter.

Sunday I went to a church for a baptism. It was a great looking church. Nice modern, refreshing design.

And the pastor looked just like the Transporter.

Angry Woman overheard at Target: "They are making WAY too big of a deal about Wolverine!"

Different Angry Woman: "Star Wars! There's a whole aisle just for Star Wars! Argh!"

The good news is, they finally made an action figure of the singer from Nickelback.